Learning how to successfully talk to women on Tinder (and other dating apps) can be tough. So many places promise that “one magic Tinder message will get you laid all the time!” I’m here to say, sorry, it doesn’t work that way!
We’ve earned a lot of respect for creating a framework for talking to girls on Tinder. It’s straightforward, and it’s been proven to work by literally thousands of guys who have gotten laid. Talking to women online can feel overwhelming since you have a lot of debate in your mind about what should be said and how to carry the conversation. I’m going to give you a basic framework that’s going to provide you with a starting off point. This is a glance at the more detailed version of our framework that we offer in our Online Dating Blueprint.
Here’s the progression of the framework:
Ok, that probably sounds simple enough. The key is learning how to succeed in each step of the framework. I’ll go into brief detail for each of them:
Please keep in mind that just by saying one random line, the girl isn’t going to be dropping her panties for you or the Niagara falls flood gates open gushing. The idea of a magic “Tinder pickup line” to have sex with a girl is bullshit. The SOLE purpose of the opener is to get her attention and get her to reply. When a hot girl is scrolling through her matches, she won’t open every single thread but just read it on the surface and NEXT it.
So, it’s important that you stand out somehow. Pique her curiosity and make her wonder why you said something like “Hey trouble” as your first line.
Pickup lines can be a death sentence since the odds of those working are much lesser than a simple opener
Not sure how to open? Fortunately for you, we recently tested a whole bunch of Tinder openers. Here is our list of the Best Tinder Openers in 2020.
Now this is a broad topic and can go in many directions. But, to simplify it, you need to flirt with the girl. Get her to invest in the conversation. Not be gamey or weird. The biggest attraction killer is to try and boast or try too hard and send 100 words or more in each text like an essay.
This can be further classified into these 3 categories. Keep in mind, some women may require all 3 of these and some may not require all 3
- Bantering: Exchanging biographical info like where the girl is from, asking each other about the hobbies, and her passions/work are considered as bantering. Sprinkling in that you have a cool lifestyle which can include you being fit and healthy and having a social life. This is a way of selling yourself and that by her being in your life, there’s only an upside for her
- Screening: This is a way to understand what kind of relationship would a girl be okay with when it comes to you. She could be just looking for casual or looking for a hookup. And if you’re not looking for the same, you can always meet up to see if you can change her mind towards your direction
- Qualifying: Qualification defines as you rewarding certain behaviors/qualities a girl has. This can vary from sexual/looks (booty, lips, facial structure, smile) or non-sexual (adventurous, open-minded, and fun). All of these are ways to let her know that you’re a man with standards and just because you guys matched, it doesn’t mean you are sold about meeting/hooking up with her.
Number 1 thing to keep in mind when you’re in the vibing stage is “She matched with me. We both need to feel things out before we make plans”. We have a myriad of guys who got laid which can give you an idea that it’s okay to take your time to set plans. The lowest probability to move is to straight away go for “Hey. Why don’t we grab drinks?”
Look at it from the girl’s perspective. If you have nothing to say to her or have an interest in getting to know her before the date, how different is the date going to be? And, do you say this to all the girls? Do you not have standards or want to make a calculated choice? The list goes on and on…
The key is to keep the conversation light-hearted and fun without doing too much. If she asks you some logical information about you, answer normally and ask her back. But then again, make sure you don’t go too much into a logical exchange of information before setting the date. It just kills the mystery
Also, refer to this guide so you don’t fall into the dreaded platonic trap
This is a sales term but what closing essentially means is that you’ve basically sold her on the idea of meeting up and that you guys can make plans for the future. This should always begin by baiting the idea to meet. You never want to get a straight-up NO from a girl since all that does is it puts her in a NO ladder. So, you want to smoothly transition from. So, a poor way to ask a girl out would be saying “Would you like to grab drinks with me?”
The PWF optimal way to ask a girl out without really asking her out is “We’ll grab the best cocktails on our romantic date then”.
Pay attention to the above line and why it’s so effective. Firstly, you are assuming she wants to meet you and that she’s already agreed for the date. You haven’t really asked her if she wants to meet. So, she can’t really say NO. You are giving her a subtle picture of what’s going to happen on the date. As we all know, pictures create emotions and the more emotions you can stir up in a woman before she meets you, the more likely is she going to bite into the idea that she wants to meet you
Once you get a verbal confirmation in the form of “When is this date happening?” “What else will we do on this date?” or “Sounds like a plan”, go for the number simply with “Shoot me your number for romantic date arrangements” or “Shoot me your number”
Why is getting the phone number so important?
When a girl sees you in her text thread rather than on the app, she will associate you with the fact that you’ve already stood out among the other creepy weird dudes on the apps. Once you’re done with closing, a little more vibing over text and subtle displaying of high value activities by talking about a boat party you are just coming back from or the gym that you just smashed a workout at, go for her schedule
Once you guys figure out the date plan, just text a “Hey. Are we still good for tonight?” on the day of. It’s always your responsibility as a man to take the lead to follow up.
Now that we have the basic framework, I’d like to run you through a couple of text interactions which will show real-time application of these principles
- He uses “Hey trouble” as the opener. She gives a positive response to “Hey 😈”. I call it positive since she agreed she is trouble with the devil emoji. Subtle but don’t have to worry about it if you’re still learning this
- He has a “#1 cuddler in the world” as a bullet point in his profile. So, she catches on to it and asks if the puppies gave him that title.
- He does a roleplay of her experiencing the cuddles herself to decide it. Notice how he just doesn’t go for “Let’s cuddle. Text me ____”?. Most guys jump on the interest without hesitation and the girls end up ghosting or unmatching
- She gives a positive response with high interest and that they should schedule a performance review of his cuddling abilities.
- 2,3, and 4 are considered vibing since they are both feeling each other out and not jumping on the meet too quickly.
- Once he gets a positive response to splitting a bottle of wine, he goes for the number and they end up meeting
Another short report:
- An example where the meet happens spontaneously at 2 am. “Hey future lover” as the opener and a positive “hey” response with a smirk from her
- She compliments him on his eyes and he asks what do they say
- She gives a very evident bait of “They say come over here”. She is ready. She wants you to take the lead and try for the meetup and make it happen that night (vibing)
- He understands that and goes into figuring out the distance between them.
- Next thing you know, she comes over and they have a little bit of fun (closing)
- Notice that he already opened her with “Safe to say you can kick some butt”. She doesn’t reply. Most guys just give up here or send a bigger desperate text along the lines of “Why did you match with me if you never intended to reply?” or “Please reply”
- He just pretends he never sent the initial message and sends “Hey future lover” as the opener
- Women usually reply with a boring “How are you”. Always have something cool to say that you’re doing. Sipping wine, or coming back from a workout and that you’re cooking for yourself. (vibing)
- He lets her know that he would show the balcony on the date but quickly changes the topic by giving a nonchalant compliment on her style. (vibing)
- They talk about adventures and travel and he insinuates that he likes a girl with an adventurous side. (vibing)
- They agree for the meet and he sets it up after closing with “Shoot me your number for date arrangement purposes”
To summarize, there are four steps in the Playing with Fire framework for messaging girls on Tinder. First, you open with a straightforward message, designed to get a reply. Then, you have to vibe with the girl, to build her interest in meeting. The vibing needs to be fun, flirty, and not too logical. Once you’ve gotten the girl interested, you start to close by setting up a date. Once you’ve closed, you still can’t assume the date is guaranteed to happen – you have to make sure to confirm with her.
These four principles are the backbone of getting laid on Tinder. As you practice, you’ll get better at each of the phases, and you’ll see your results grow. Of course, this is just a taste of information for each phase. Our PWF Online Dating Blueprint goes into way more depth, with dozens of sample messages and real examples.
Hope that helps.
Warmest of regards,