A question I get asked a lot is, “Is it even worth it to approach women in this day and age of online dating?” Absolutely! Cold approach is still an extremely reliable source to getting dates/meeting women, hooking up, and building relationships.
In fact, as online dating gets more competitive, I think cold approach is more relevant than ever. With girls being bombarded with options every app they go on (IG, Tinder, Bumble, etc.), they ache for more of a personal interaction. When guys message a girl on Tinder, it doesn’t take much courage for them to send a text. Especially when she can just ignore him if he says the wrong thing. Even average women get at least hundreds of likes a day to sift through, and with these many options, they end up with “Choice” fatigue and just exit from each of the apps for an ice cream and sleep in night with the girlfriends.
You might be one of a thousand guys in her Tinder app, but you’re the only guy who walks up to her and approaches her in the middle of the day on the street.
This is where approaching a girl in real life helps a lot. You show courage, social intuition (at least some of it) and that you’re not afraid to go for what you want. These are obviously some of the attraction triggers that help start the interaction on the right foot.
The other huge benefit of cold approach is VOLUME. As Alex has said repeatedly before:
Results = Game + SMV + Volume
Volume means not only having many apps, and swiping right, but having multiple ways of meeting girls. So when you start doing cold approach on top of apps, you get way more volume, which multiples your results.
And what about if you have approach-anxiety? No problem. Every single guy I’ve met has this. Despite what some people tell you, it’s not something you can ever get rid of. But, you can minimize it by taking consistent action.
Beyond that, how do you set yourself up for success in cold approach? In this article, I’ll break down 5 mindsets that are absolutely ESSENTIAL to you getting results.
1) Assume Attraction
A common inner belief you might have when you’re starting off in game is that you may “NOT BE ENOUGH”. And this will definitely manifest right when you think about approaching a girl. You’re going to have thoughts like “I don’t think I’m her type”. “Eh. I think she’s out of my league” “I’ll just approach the next lesser attractive girl”. Or heck, even, “I can’t tell if this girl is into me – maybe I should eject.”
These are recipes to cultivating bad habits of making excuses and copping out from taking action.
So instead, imagine this is actually your future wife – and she is going to be the mother of your kids. All you have to do is say “Hi” to her in this moment. That’s a much better mindset to have.
Assume that she will be into you the moment you say Hi, and that she is into you during the conversation until you’re very certain she isn’t. Put another way: She is guilty of being attracted to you until proven innocent. Which you will only find out when you say Hi and converse. This will help take pressure off massively, and you’ll be much more relaxed when you talk to her.
2) You Have Nothing To Lose
This is an extremely important mindset to have. You have absolutely NOTHING to lose. If anything, you’re ONLY going to gain something if you approach someone. And in fact, by not approaching, you do have something to lose (what if, per the above example, she really is your potential future wife?!).
You’ll understand reading social cues a bit more. You’ll know that the timing could have been better. You’ll realize rejection doesn’t hurt as much as you think it does. You might actually end up having a solid interaction, getting the number, going on a date and banging her. And if you don’t approach, you ONLY lose because you’d be missing out on meeting a possibly amazing woman. When you have nothing to lose, you just shrug it off and just go talk to her. Again, it lets you feel relaxed because you don’t feel the pressure of “I absolutely have to win this one”.
3) You’ve Won the Moment You Said Hi
The moment you went up to her and said Hi, you’ve won. It’s extremely uncommon for men to have the courage to go up to a girl and talk to her in broad daylight. And just by you going up to her, and literally uttering the word “Hi”, you’ve won. Everything after that is a pure bonus. You banging her, you getting into a relationship, you marrying her, all of these are a pure bonus after you’ve said Hi. This also helps you trick yourself that the approach was ONLY a success if you get the number or a date. No. Say hi, and you WIN.
4) Girls Love Being Approached
This, honestly is more of a statement of FACT rather than a mindset or a hack. You may have been taught that you it’s inconsiderate of a girl’s time to talk to her, or that it’s rude to approach a girl cold. Which makes you think that you shouldn’t even approach.
But it’s the opposite.
Girls always want to be approached by a decent guy. They get annoyed when they throw the “Come talk to me” look and the guy never makes a move. This frustrates them even more and more. If you haven’t followed some of our YT in-studio podcasts, go there right now. We invite all types of female guests who actually consistently agree that they want to be approached and would always have a fantasy that a guy takes them home in broad daylight. So, any time you see a girl having a Resting Bitch Face, actually tell yourself that this girl is just frustrated from the missed approaches and waiting for the next guy to come talk to her.
5) Is She Good Enough?
This is a bit of a mindfuck attitude to have. It’s the opposite hack of 1) but in this scenario, rather than thinking “Am I good enough?”, reframe your thoughts to “Wait a minute! She’s cute, but what else?” “Is she good enough for me?” “I want to know more about her”.
We typically tend to put an attractive girl automatically on a pedestal. It might be from the fantasy-land Hollywood movies or the animated Disney movies we’ve watched and told stories of as kids. We see an attractive girl and automatically attribute the best qualities to her. But that’s barely the case ever.
So, drop all those notions and think to yourself. “She’s attractive. But she poops, farts and burps like every other human”. Chuckle at it and just go talk to her, and see if she actually is good enough to interest you as well.
These 5 mindsets are crucial to getting some early wins with cold approach. And because of the many benefits of cold approach, it’s something I recommend every guy who’s single invest in learning.
The final benefit you’ll get from all of this approaching women is that you start to develop a natural charisma. And that charisma will help you even on your Tinder dates, because from all your cold approach interactions, it’ll become second nature for you to connect with women.
Read these mindsets every day and talk to 3 attractive girls a day and report back on the FB group. Just practicing makes you solidify these mindsets. And by reading these, it’ll be nearly impossible for you to NOT cultivate them.
Hope that helps,
Indian “I approach only white girls” PE.