What’s up Tinderers, your favorite Indian at it again! This time, I’m focusing on insights into how cold approaching (“night game” and “day game”) and texting a girl on Tinder can be similar. If you have watched this video on my journey of how I lost my virginity, you know that I’ve done my fair share of cold approach. All the foundations I learned from my cold approach experience, I’ve been able to apply in my text game.

Later in this article, I’ll go through the similar mindsets I was able to apply from cold approach to text game. But first, I want to discuss some of the common myths you may have heard about text game and why they’re wrong, using a comparison to cold approach.

  1. Texting should only be to set up logistics: This is the same as going direct and number closing after in cold approach. Say you go up to a girl and say “Hey. I think you’re cute. We should grab drinks sometime soon”, then you take her number to hit her up later, she isn’t going to remember you and will most probably flake. That’s because she knows nothing about you and probably gave her phone number due to the confusion of the situation.With cold approach, just as with texting, you need to be able to display your personality. Make her feel the emotions, excite her to want to see you again. A picture needs to be painted in her head.
  • You can’t attract her over text: This is the same as saying you can’t attract her by saying the right thing in person and you need to just shut up and listen to her talk. Wrong! Even if you’re not her type, attraction can kick off with the confidence you approach in person and it builds on itself the more emotions you give her. So is the case with texting. The attraction kicks off when you match her. Then you follow a texting framework and vibe with her & establish we-frame to solidify it.
  1. You cannot sexualize: A big misconception in the pickup community is that you don’t talk about sex until it’s happening. Wrong! You can definitely talk about it but in cold approach, you’d have to be more subtle about sexualizing. Over text, asking about a girl’s turn on’s and setting the frame sexually will get her to invest sexually as well.

With the above being said, let’s talk about some common things that will help both your texting and cold approach skills.

  1. The We-frame

The We-Frame for flirting is very powerful when you use this in cold approach. It is an under the radar way to show intent. You walk up to a girl and you ask her where she’s from

She: “I’m from Brazil”

He: “That’s cool. I’ve been there once. When did you move here?”

She: “Oh. 2 years ago”

He: “2 years, and we still haven’t gone on a romantic date? What a shame”

*emotional spike*

She: “Haha. Where are you from?”

This tidbit of an interaction sounds much better than a logical information exchange. Say if you went direct with “Hey. You’re cute. I wanted to come talk to you”. She would need to make a decision on whether she’s attracted to you based on just your appearance and vibe and the least resistance path would be for her to say “Sorry. I have a boyfriend”, since she’s was put on the spot and that was too much to ask for right off the bat

The same goes with online. Use the exact underlying frame for interactions rather than “Hey. You’re cute. We should grab a drink sometime soon”. The girl knows nothing about you but what you look like. There’s nothing to go off of and she won’t be invested which often leads to a flake.

  1. DHVs

Demonstration of High Value (DHV) by definition is that your portray you have a cool lifestyle, a lifestyle she’d love to be a part of. You can DHV on a bunch of areas, like social, preselection or health. This is a great way to show that you don’t just mope around in the dark playing video games. Women want a man who is high value, who’s active and a go-getter.

Take the same tidbit as above

She: “I’m from Brazil”

He: “That’s cool. I’ve been there once. When did you move here?”

She: “Oh. 2 years ago”

He: “2 years, and we still haven’t gone on a romantic date? What a shame”

*emotional spike*

She: “Haha. Where are you from?”

He: “I’ve been all over the world and decided to finally take a break here in Miami. But originally from India”

What happened above. When he said “I’ve been there once among other countries”, it indicates that he’s a traveler and isn’t just a common lame American who never leaves the country. After an emotional spike, she asked him where he was from. When he says “I’ve been all over the world and decided to finally take a break in Miami”

What does that indicate? That’s it not only Brazil he’s been to. He’s also been to other countries and he’s a world traveler. This gives the girl an opportunity to ask what other countries he’s been to. He can easily go with a bunch of countries and a girl will always say things like:

She: “Oh wow. You’ve been to South Africa? I’ve always wanted to go there”.

He: “Don’t worry. We’ll go there for our honeymoon”

You can literally run an interaction this way asking logical questions back and forth but solidifying the “We frame” and DHVing till her emotions are at a high point

  1. Preselection

Women have the biological tendency to go for a man desired by other women. That’s how the attraction circuits work in her brain. You can indicate preselection through confidence and bluntness since that communicates you get away with saying something crazy all the time. Or, you could even go logically about it:

She: “I’m from Brazil”

He: “That’s cool. I’ve been there once. Went there with my ex who was born there. Brazilian girls are quite fun?”

She: “Haha. You think so?. When did you go?”

He: “A year ago. But I want to go there again. Maybe you’ll take me there to meet your parents”

*emotional spike*

She: “Haha. Where are you from?”

Now, in her head, you’ve dated other Brazilian girls. So, say she considers herself as a bit difficult or bratty, she knows that you can handle her when she throws shit at you. This also builds a bit of familiarity since she can expect you to like her and be your type.

You can do the exact same thing online.

  1. Soft Closing

Soft closing is where you get a girl to agree in her mind to the idea of meeting up with you. It’s a key part of the PWF framework, because it’s a lower investment ask than giving her a specific date and plan. When you run a good interaction, i.e. a lot of investment back and forth along with her being interested in knowing more about you, you eventually need to set up for a date. After you’ve used some of the techniques above in a cold approach interaction, and you’ve built up interest in her, you can soft close by saying:

“We should grab a drink sometime soon”

*pause*

You want her to agree on the idea of meeting up. If you pause after saying that, you’re

giving her room to chase and it’s quite powerful and get you extra points for holding the tension.

When she says “Yes”, go for the number and set up logistics over the date.

Same goes with texting. You need to get her to agree to the idea of meeting up. She has to say YES before you go for the logistics or number.

Conclusion

There is quite a lot of overlap between cold approach and texting a girl – both in terms of limiting / wrong beliefs, and tactics that can help you get laid. These are four key practices you should use in both your cold approach and your texting / online dating. Remember, it takes a lot of practice to get great at these skills, whether it’s in person or over text. Don’t expect to succeed in your early interactions. Focus on “failing forward”: when you do fail, taking the time to learn from them so you can make improvements over time. Remember, the name of the game here is ultimately “self improvement”. And just like you gradually progress at the gym, you gradually progress with women and dating.

Hope that helps,

Indian PE.

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