This guide is going to be a special, detailed one to help you understand 1) what frames are, and 2) how to control the frame in any interaction. This is especially focused on frame control for dating apps like Tinder.
Fair warning! It may be difficult to understand these concepts at first, if you’re new to them. Your logical brain may not be able to instantly relate to what a frame means. That’s your first hint right there! Frames are emotional. But they’re built on logical backing. The stronger the logical backing a frame has, the stronger the frame is. Like emotions, frames can change easily.
Take the “glass half full” analogy. You could frame it as a glass half full or a glass half empty. Each has a slightly different connotation. At the end of the day, everyone will acknowledge it as a glass half full. Why is that? Well, it’s simple! Without water, it would just be empty. i.e. without the logical backing of the water being present!
Get it? No? That’s okay. I’ll help you understand it better and with more “logical backing”. You know you have a good skill set when it comes to online dating and pickup if you can consistently have sex with the girls you meet. This statement can’t be disputed. You bedding a woman is ultimately you bringing her into your frame.
I’ll make the distinction more clear by going into the frames which help the close more and the frames that society imposes on women that discourage the close.
Frames that help/Frames that help your inner game and beliefs:
- “I’m a sexual man” – This one will directly propel your results if the frame is strong enough. It’s simple. You enjoy sex and are unashamed to enjoy it. If this frame is weak, you will get a lot of shaming from a girl and objections like “Why do men only want sex”
- “I’m a high-value man” – Having a cool lifestyle, a drive, a passion, and respecting your health and fitness itself should communicate that you’re a high-value man and desirable by a lot of women.
- “Sex is completely natural and it’s a win-win for me and the woman” – Get better in bed. Experience doesn’t always equate to better sex, research more on how to make women orgasm more (or just buy our product to find out the secret to Orgasmic bliss). The more knowledge you have on this topic, the better it will help boost your confidence since most men suck in bed and if you just stand out by demonstrating sexual authority even before banging the girl, it will help create lots of intrigue in the girl’s mind. DON’T BE A 2 PUMP CHUMP
- “Sex is the first step to getting to know a girl” – When you’re early into the game journey, your interactions should revolve around the first two points. Especially since those are the frames which get the most resistance in an interaction “dictated by society”
Society’s frames imposed on women:
- “Sex isn’t a win for a girl” – This is unfortunately mostly true since most guys don’t focus at getting better in bed. And have a little bit of a delusion that they’re great in bed. So, if you stand out in bed and build some momentum, that will give you massive points and not something that you’re “taking from a girl” and actually “Giving it to her” or better yet “Sharing it with her”
- “Lot of sex equals a slut” – It’s frowned upon by society or even worse, most of the friends of the girl will judge her and term derogatorily as a slut. If you encourage this behavior, she will feel less judged and be more inclined to break free from this frame
- “A woman is higher value than you just because she’s attractive and hence the prize” – She is, if you don’t have your shit together as a man. Have a stable job, be fit, healthy and invest in yourself. Or else, it becomes a constant chase to keep getting girls to be in your life
Two different ends on the spectrum. Your main goal, however, must be to reward any behavior of the girl that can be categorized in the first set of frames
Frame infiltration/crumbling: This is a term coined by the great Indian PE (myself lol) – It’s simple, when a girl sets up any of the second set of frames, you make her second guess it. Mind you, you have to subtle about this or it would lead to a confrontational frame battle and if the girl feels like she’s losing, she will never fuck. Remember A3*
View this as a way of convincing your friend from making a poor decision. If you have authority over someone without a condescending tonality behind it, they will be very inclined to listen to your point of view (i.e. logical backing)
Let’s get into a few interactions where I show what getting a girl into your frame means
Examples of interactions with simple frame control:
- An obvious exaggerated tone of “Can’t tell if I’m blushing or it’s my tan” which still communicates subtly that she’s the one seducing him. Followed by her saying “it’s the tan”, hence her rejecting that frame. He reframes it as if she’s bad at flirting and hence she isn’t flirting. Notice how subtle that is done
- She prize frames herself as her never having to be the seducer and have always been the seducee with “Can’t be bad at something you don’t do”. Again, a sense of naivety of “Why don’t you?” as a way of questioning her frame without being confrontational. A confrontational way of Infiltrating her frame would have been “You think you’re too good for flirting?”. This will get her to retaliate and double down. He’d have lost the interaction there
- The naivety of the question from him actually crumbled her frame. She chose not to sound silly and just change the topic
The above interaction is a great example of how you can be subtle about destroying a girl’s “prize frame”. I’ll go even further and give you a tinier, even better example of an interaction:
- A lame bumble opener from the girl “What do you think is the best hidden gem in town?” with him just saying that he finds his cat to be one. Followed by her saying “I’m not a cat fan”. This is subtly done by her to provoke an emotional reaction from you. Remember! If you react emotionally, then your frame is not strong enough (hope that makes sense)
- Followed by him not really acknowledging that and him asking the same question back. She prize frames herself with “Me”
- A rule of thumb (Or at least my thumb) is to make the girl qualify if she prize frames herself. i.e. She actually needs to prove herself to you as to why she is the prize.
- She gives a lame answer of “Lol Bc I’m great”. A great indication of no real logical backing as to why she has this frame. You can crumble frames easily if you just make them question their frames. They will if they don’t have an LB.
- Followed by “You’ll have to get to know me”. She is slowly losing the frame here since she’s slowly moving into the “I’ll have to prove myself to you” red zone.The rest of the interaction should go smoothly as long as he can make her keep proving herself to him
We can agree that Game can be viewed as you having a stronger frame than the girl and hence she can fall under your control (Evolutionary psychology backed since Alpha men of the society were the ones that protected the clans). And hence, girls test your frame. They test its strength, the weaker it is, the easier/quicker they lose attraction for you.
What is Reframing?
It’s just the non-logical way of viewing an action or an interaction completely differently than it was intended.
The girl says “You’re too young for me” -> Implies she’s old -> Older women are usually insecure -> “Are you insecure about your age?”
The girl says “Do you say that pickup line to all women?” -> She thinks you’re using it on every girl -> She doesn’t believe that you used this line specifically on her -> “How humble of you to think you’re not special”
The girl says “I’m way out of your league” -> She has qualities which make her think so -> What are those qualities? -> “How so?”
This comes with practice and when you throw this back at the girl, she has to say something back since it’s a subtle challenge for her. The key is to be subtle and not get confrontational. That will only lead to the girl calling you an asshole and unmatching you. Remember. The close needs to be a win-win for you AND the girl
What you don’t want to do is this…
Guy giving into her frame:
- Firstly, never be this guy. “I am like free a lot”. Huge red flags and a demonstration of low value that he’s always free and will always have time to meet her (Giving her the power of decision)
- And then goes with “Let’s meet for margs. Hopefully you like me”. Such a bad frame since he is afraid she won’t like him. A high value man assumes every girl likes him. This shows massive amounts of low value beta behavior
- If he continues this frame, he will keep falling into the provider frame and will never be able to keep a girl around
- “Or down to meet whenever”. Constant blunders which will never set the right frame even if he ends up meeting her
- “Let me know whenever you finish your laundry madness”. He is putting the pressure on her to make the decision. Assume that the decision has already been made and is down to meet you. Or atleast play some good textgame which reflects in her interest towards you
- This is a great example of an average needy guy btw. It doesn’t take a lot to stand out
Similar successful Simple frame control example in the following screenshots
She rejects the frame that she’s submissive and into dominant men. He frames it with “Ah. You’ve been with the wrong kind of dominant men so far”. That text shows a lot of authority since he comes across as someone who actually knows what being a real dominant man means. And chalking it up to her misfortune that she hasn’t met a guy like him. And then the interaction starts to go smoothly
It almost feels like I’m micromanaging everything I say to the girl. Yes, I am. A good distinction need also be made about when not to.. And that’s where advance frame control comes into existence. Physically view Your frame and A girl’s frame on two opposite sides of a straight line. Simple frame control break’s the straight line into bigger chunks than advance frame control
Make sense? No? Not to worry, my child, let’s go into these examples:
Examples of advance frame control:
- A brilliant example from none other than Alex. Uploaded on our IG (Shame on you if you aren’t following us). Starts off with a “I sense a but coming” which is such a great line. It’s more of a gut feeling when a girl is feeling hesitant rather than going the route of needy “Why do you not like me?”.
- Followed by her trying to control the logistics while imposing a bad frame to the interaction. “And I’ll see if I can break away from work”. Never jump on a wishy washy date offer. You get a solid YES or a NO. A high value male (refer to inner beliefs above) won’t jump onto such opportunities.
- She gives an emotional concern that it has nothing to do with sex but requires “substance”. It’s her belief system which usually doesn’t have a logical backing since she it’s about how she feels in the moment. The worst route to go here would be to start an exchange of logical information back and forth; Talking about childhood trauma etc;. A big myth in the community is that you “should build a connection” when she throws something like this at you.
- “It’s kinda hard to have a deep conversation when one can never meet”. And she says “So make the conversation that you do have count” (dance for me monkey. Dance!). An assertive “Lol I’m gonna pass on your whole too cool for school kinda thing” shows the willingness to walk away. This is a great distinction between a beginner and advanced level textgame. Showing that her attitude isn’t going to be tolerated by him
- Followed by her pointing out that no one really tries to make an effort. Which is definitely not true. Alex asserts another boundary that he doesn’t have time for endless back and forth texting and calls her out on trying to make “pen pals”. Another way to call flakey wishy washy girls out
- She talks about how busy she is and it’s difficult for her to make solid plans. So, if that’s actually the case, how is it possible to even keep texting her? She also pushes the frame of being uncomfortable with insinuations around sex. Which is such a PG-13 mentality.
- Alex calls that out with a “If you’re saving yourself for Jesus, this definitely won’t work”. Followed by that it’s difficult for her to fend off someone she is unsure she is attracted to. Now, she makes a good point. She’s caving into the frame and meeting in the middle. Which is exactly what he does, “I have no expectations. If there’s chemistry, I let things play themselves out. Not into arbitrary rules around sex”
- The amount of boundaries that are being set here is insane. But, that’s when you know you’re at an advanced skill set. She caves in and he very unreactively sends a “;)”. Which gives room for her to chase.
- It’s very important to understand when not to push. And, when to let the girl chase.
PS: They meet and bang
Let that sink in. I’d go through these screenshots like a religious nut with a bible if I were you.
This one is quite special. I’ll go into why exactly:
- She was clearly pestering him with logical information exchange questions. So, Alex says “You can interrogate me on Friday”. She says “Maybe”
- Any and every Tom, Dick & Harry would say “Why don’t you want to meet?” “You shouldn’t have given me your number if you didn’t have the intention to meet”.
- But, we at PWF only stop once we get a capital YES or a capital NO. He calls her out with “Are you always this difficult”. She calls him coy.
- Giving away every information she asks for kills the suspense and sometimes girls feel like there is no chase and hence won’t meet. There always needs to be a certain level of chasing from her.
- She says that she doesn’t like it when people are uncomfortable about answering a question. Subtly communicates that she gets sketched out.
- He anti-frames it as jealousy and she gets defensive. Followed by “We can ask each other 3 questions”
- This is an amazing way to get out of the frame of her asking him questions and him trying to prove himself to her
- The questions itself are pretty personal. Turn-ons, fantasies, relationships, etc. When you go this route, keep it this way (man to woman) and not talk about Gucci bags or Lamborghinis. This is also a great way to figure out what’s the end goal she wants out of all this
- His final question reinforces the frame that if he makes plans with her, she needs to show up and that he doesn’t take disrespect to his time lightly.
- Showing boundaries is a great way to stand out and you come across much more genuine than a guy who’s being fake nice the whole time.
Failed interactions as a result of being Argumentative or Confrontational:
- I uploaded the entire interaction since they had a good back and forth. Some role plays. Making each other qualify etc
- The first real resistance came when he sexualized. Calling her “Kinky”. Followed by her saying “Not really what I was going for. Bummer”. He said “Bummer?”. The addressing the frame(trying to infiltrate) wasn’t strong enough. A simple “Can I ask what were you actually going for?” would have gotten a response
- He had to re-engage her and she finally gives him an answer that she didn’t like the way he sexualized. It was a speedbump but never something you can’t handle usually.
- He says “You do realize it was actually a joke right?”
- She actually comes back with “How would I know it was a joke when I don’t even know you”
- That was the last chance she gave him. He went on trying to explain his joke (qualifying/proving himself to her). All he had to do was take a step back and actually say something like “I apologize. I didn’t mean to come across crass. I’d still be down to grab drinks if you are”.
- The above message shows genuinity and she would have appreciated it. The frame battle grows stronger followed by him saying “I’m not gonna explain the joke since that’s lame af”. That text is quite reactive and honestly will never serve a purpose since the interaction will just go downhill after that.
- Sometimes, it’s okay to notice the girl being uncomfortable about something you said and take a step back and show some social intelligence
Another example (Brace yourselves for this one):
- The opener isn’t bad. But the girl obviously didn’t get the joke and said “I haven’t even met you”. He could have done two things here. Agree and exaggerate with “But I already built a shrine for you in my heart” Or to subtly challenge her with “I hope you understand that I was being sarcastic”
- What he did actually left the frame unnoticed and it was too chasey/gamey after with him baiting her into asking what the date’s plan is
- She says “Now I’m curious”. He goes with the famous PWF line of asking her the basics as a prerequisite to her finding out about the date’s plan.
- She takes the least resistance path and says “Pineapple”. Admittedly, she isn’t the brightest kid. But he called her a shithead. Which again, will just create more frame battle
- If he had said something like “You have a pineapple tattoo and a pineapple for an ex- boyfriend?” This would have seeked some investment from her trying to explain herself
- She calls him rude and then the interaction just tanks deeper into an abyss. She calls him an asshole and I think she unmatches
- The interaction is half way and there seems to be a good back and forth between the girl and the guy and he is insinuating a softclose
- She seems invested and hence he goes for the number, followed by her “tempting offer”. His reply here would have determined everything. He goes “Ok”. Just an “Ok” is usually backed by a butthurt tonality. A simple “If you’re too nervous, I’d totally understand” would have sufficed
- He then goes for another attempt of a takeaway with “If you’re just not interested, I’ll back away safely like a ninja and cry myself to sleep” (Which isn’t a bad line in itself).
- She goes “HAHAHA. You gotta work harder”. His reply here buried the lead (literally). “Sorry to hear you’ve met subpar men so far…”
- A simple “Why is that” would have been the best way to go about this. As mentioned before, if the girl prize frames herself, make her qualify. Or take emotion out of your reaction and figure out her concerns
- Some more reactive messages from him which ended up with the girl ghosting him.
Moral of the story:
Getting confrontational/argumentative will get you nowhere. You may win the argument and stroke your ego a bit but it will never help you get dates or understand a woman’s psychology. When it seems like there’s no way out, switch the topic. Ask her how her “Sunday funday” was. And if at a point, she lets you know that she doesn’t like what you said, respect her for being honest and capitalize on it by taking a step back
The way you can get better at frame control, reframing and avoiding confrontational is by actually trying a few of these things out in your day to day life with your buddies or just women in general. Provoke them. Get them reactive. But, you be the bigger man and think of interactions objectively rather than taking it personally to keep calm and flip it or re-frame
“Reframe that and this to curry” Indian PE