Hey again! Today we’re gonna talk about how to maximize the chances of a girl coming back for more so she is part of your rotation (or start a rotation if you’ve never had one). We call this retaining a girl, or more simply, retention. We love hooking up with new girls every week. But, there are many advantages to also keeping girls who you like around.
Fair warning however! You need to set reasonable expectations. You can’t expect to keep every girl you sleep with in your rotation. Remember, the typical girl will have as many OR more options than you to sleep around with – even if you’re pretty attractive and have good game.
And, there are other reasons a girl may not want to see you again. Many of these reasons will be totally out of your control. Maybe she gets into a relationship. Maybe, despite your best efforts, her limiting beliefs make her feel like a slut. Maybe she just prefers one night stands and doesn’t like to see guys again.
A better goal is to have a plan for maximizing the chances she’ll want to see you again. With that goal in mind, I’ll give you the guidelines/steps I follow to set up second dates, retain a girl, and maximize your odds of keeping her around as long as possible.
In general, the highest probability move is that you have sex the girl on the first date. The amount of emotional and physical investment she makes by having sex with you is significant, and it really increases the chances of her seeing you again. So, it has a lot to do with screening, sexualizing over text and setting the right frame so she knows there’s a possibility of sex happening. This guide is about retention after the first date, so if you’re struggling on the first date, refer to our guide on getting laid on the first date.
The Keys to Retaining a Girl After the First Date
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women is that men get too attached and needy after they’ve fucked the girl one time. Some men even try to get her to commit exclusively to him once the first fuck happens.
Some examples of being too needy after fucking her? Texting the girl too often after you’ve had sex. Changing from the guy who set “the prize” frame to suddenly acting like she’s the prize. Pushing really hard to get another date set up, or showing too much investment in that date actually happening. Getting reactive when she’s not available or cancels on a future date on you. Basically, you demonstrated yourself as a high value man to her before you fucked, and you suddenly start showing her that wasn’t true just because she had sex with you.
Neediness is a major turn off – possibly the second worst sin with women after being creepy. Women are intrigued by guys who are in command, have other priorities than her, and can lead the pace of how often she sees you and the frame of how casual or serious things are. By failing at this, and forcing the woman to dictate the pace and frame of seriousness, you are lowering your value in her eyes.
Beyond neediness, there are two key components for women to actually want to see you another time. They can be simplified to:
- Emotional Investment: She gets a certain set of emotions from the date. Emotions she’s never or rarely felt before. Emotions no or few other guys have given her. A great way to set this up is to have her feel comfortable (and non-judged) telling you her sexual and non-sexual secrets. Basically, you leave her feeling like she knows you, even though logically she doesn’t know much about you other than the basics.
- Sexual Investment: The fuck needs to be memorable. You don’t have to be a god in bed. But, you have to open her up sexually. Invest in some BDSM toys. Women love being dominated in bed and men usually get icky about being too rough with them. The novelty wears off really quick if the sex isn’t fun or kinky.If both the above have happened, be sure to give her some aftercare (post sex cuddles and “shooting the shit”). These are very powerful since women are most vulnerable after sex, and especially after cumming. When they open up, they open up for real. If you let her stay over, this can often help even more. Since now she’s not just a random girl you fucked and you’ve invited her into your life AND your home. Bonus if you can go 2-3 rounds in during the night, too. Nothing’s better than a morning fuck 😉
Both the above investments only happen over time with different archetypes of girls and your ability to attract each of them.
How to Set Up the Second Date
Once you get her emotionally and sexually invested in you, here is how I go about setting up my second dates.
This is a Russian in my current rotation. I met her outside for the first date and pulled her home and we fucked. The trademark “That was 🔥” is our favorite post-sex text from PWF.
- She showed up with a bruised toe on the date and she couldn’t walk well. So, I was just casually joking about it through the date. Obviously you have to be careful to calibrate and limit teases like, so they don’t get to the point that she gets annoyed.
- I fucked her well and even fucked her in the middle of the night as well. I made her squirt but gave her a lot of passionate sex. She agrees that it was “very 🔥🔥🔥”.
- I send her a funny gif of a guy who stubbed his toe to have a callbacks to the date.
- I text her 2 days after to re-engage the conversation and set up a date for her to “help me find my wings”. As you can see, it can be something as ridiculous as that. But, DO NOT go straight in with “What evenings are you free?” – instead, build up her investment a bit again, just like you do in your texting before the first date. Don’t be too eager.
- I also kept it in the air whether I’d see her again or when I’d see her again.
- Your goal is to get the “lock in”. This is when she has seen you enough and had enough sex with you that she wants to start seeing you with some regularity. At this point, she’s part of your rotation. It usually takes 2-3 bangs to lock in a girl, depending on how emotionally invested she is.
1. You know the drill. “Tonight was 🔥”. She agrees. And he texts after with “We should do it again soon”. She doesn’t reply to it. But, our brother obviously doesn’t take NO for an answer.
- Re-engages with an explicit meme of a guy holding a girl down by the wrists and “This could be us”. She agrees with “It could be yes”. He plays coy and says “Depends on what your schedule is like this week”.
- Notice how he doesn’t go “What evenings are you free next for it?”. Same principle here. He doesn’t get too eager but just pings her to show her he hasn’t forgotten about her.
- She has a concern that something happened to her car. He shows empathy and just gives her an out of “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll check in later”. He rolls with the punches and empathizes, rather than getting over eager and being like “Well I’ll just come pick you up if you come over today”.
- Another ping of talking about her cat, followed by a picture of his dog. This is very powerful since it brings back the emotions of her meeting his dog for the first time and that he remembers she has a cat.
- Followed by simple logistics and they meet up again. He went on to see her for a while. He kept it not too eager for other meetups as well.
The way I set up my rotations is that the girls get a day of the week (pending on each of your schedules). This way, it’s more consistent for them and they know they can see you one day a week. Getting the 2nd bang as soon as possible ensures that you can continue seeing the girl. The longer you wait, the less likely she is to see you a second time and more likely she is to end up with someone else.
But, it’s also critical not to be needy to set the second bang up. Doing so will turn her off and decrease the chances of her seeing you. Remember that no matter how much emotional and sexual investment you get, you won’t be able to retain some girls. It simply isn’t realistic to aim to keep every girl you have sex with around. So stay ‘not needy,’ and if you can’t keep a girl around, move on to the next one!
Hope this helps,
Indian “Rotation” PE