Alex and I at Playing with Fire, we always emphasize sexualizing your interactions with girls on Tinder. It’s quite simple: Most women love a direct man. A man who can go for what he wants. But, at the same time, it needs to be a man who isn’t creepy or a low-value, curbside catcaller.
That said, there are a range of different types of girls you’ll meet on Tinder (and other dating apps). We sometimes call these various “female archetypes.” To be successful with online dating, you have to be able to adjust your messaging — and what kind of sexualization you use — to the archetype of the woman you are texting.
But first, why sexualize?
Any interaction needs to have a component that subtly or aggressively indicates that sex is on the table if you guys meet. If you pussyfoot around your true intentions or hide ’em, the girl will likely lose respect for you and as a result, be less interested in meeting up. The old notion that quality women don’t like it when a man is sexual is bullshit… as long as the man is calibrated in his sexualization.
Sexualizing is important. Imagine being in the girl’s shoes and she agreed to come straight to your house for the first date. If she has zero idea about what is going to happen, she will likely be more hesitant to follow through.
She might wonder:
“Is he going to be a pussy who wastes my whole night?”
“Is he going to make a move on me at the wrong time?”
“Is he going to be creepy/ awkward about it”
“Will he put pressure on me”
Now then, reading archetypes is something that comes along with an advanced skill set. It’s like you’re playing a game of chess with a buddy who’s a grandmaster. Eventually, you’ll be able to predict his moves and get better quickly. It’s also important that if you make the wrong assumption about a girl’s archetype, you don’t push!
The safest way to go about sexualizing any interaction is to vibe with her, build some value, and then subtly & progressively move things in a sexual direction. Then, depending on her reaction, you either keep going or pull back a bit (calibration).
Definition of an Archetype:
The term Archetype refers to models or patterns of womanhood and feminine behavior that are easily recognizable to us.
I can go into little detail about different archetypes/patterns of a woman’s behavior that I’ve noticed over the years. I’ll refer to each as “This girl” and breakdown an interaction for each so you have a better understanding of the definition itself.
I’ll breakdown different interactions with my initial read on the girl based on her pictures and how I came to the conclusion, and how I changed my approach based on how she was reacting to my advances. This will help you with your own calibration when you look at a girl’s pictures.
- Feminine/Cutesy: This girl likes to have a little bit of cheesy/pampery vibe when it comes to sexualizing. She doesn’t crave dominance (at least not right off the bat). With a girl like this, you can stick to neck kisses, cuddles, pussy eating.
- Kinky/Sub: This is the opposite of the first category. This girl craves dominance. They can be sometimes bratty or testy. But, that’s only because they want to be put in their place, pinned against the wall and just ravaged. They want to be told to “shut the fuck up” and bend over in front of you. This will come with experience. To cut her shit and command her.
- Inexperienced but curious: This girl is someone who’s inexperienced and hasn’t quite met many men. With this girl, you need to show sexual authority and prowess. That you’re quite experienced, extremely comfortable, and are at ease about sex and women in your life. These will usually be girls who’ve actually never been tied up and/or ARE curious about BDSM.
- Chemistry Girls: This girl likes to have a good amount of chemistry and get to know you before sex can happen. And this will usually lead to an emotional concern from her. Especially when you try to move things forward sexually. This type of girl will fit any of the other categories listed above. This is when you DON’T sexualize. If you force on her, she will 100% of the time reject and ghost in the end Mind you! Don’t confuse chemistry building as a form of logical information exchange based connection about your childhood, family, etc; that will just lead to the girl viewing you as a provider. It’s a mixture of sexual tension and build-up (Vibing).
Example of feminine/cutesy:
- This was in Asia and the opener itself is a sweet compliment. She finds it charming.
- She says that she’s having dinner with a friend and the guy says “And you don’t even invite me?” sorta jokingly, yet a bit of flirty vibe.
- He jumps right into the date plan and she bites. A little tease that gets her turned on.
- She comes back with. “How will we not kiss? There should be a part where I say “Is this the part where we kiss?”.
- She’s into it more and more. Clear flirty vibe since they talk about biting each other’s neck, Vampire Diaries style. Number close followed by logistics and they bang as you can see in the screenshots.
Another example: Original LR (https://www.playingfire.com/getting-laid-first-day-in-poland/)
- Little to no sexualizing here but cutesy humor about smuggling her in a suitcase. Pierogies for days and all the stuff Polish girls usually respond well to.
- Doesn’t take a lot of texting back and forth and she wants to meet up for the wine.
- Sexualizing here too harshly would have backfired since she will be hit with slut defense and would have not ended up meeting,
- As you read in the LR, he bangs her after building tension in-person.
Examples of Kinky/sub:
- I wish I had pictures of the girl. As soon as I saw her, I could tell she would respond to aggressive sexualizing. With little to no build-up, I say I like how kinky she is.
- She bites. I build upon it by saying my roomie is kinky as well. It’s almost like giving her permission to admit the inevitable truth.
- As you see, sexualizing here is very aggressive. She even tells him to rape her (fantasy for many women).
- The feel of the conversation is the opposite of the other two interactions. No emojis but one in the entire convo.
- This could have been a potential fuck date if my roomie’s tinder didn’t get banned (Maybe she reported :-/).
- But the lesson here is to understand that sexualizing can be done in so many ways but there’s only 1 right way to do it with one specific girl. You have to find her niche.
Another example: This girl is more bratty. She purposely misbehaves and gives you shit so you can put her in her place. She gets turned on by you being aggressive and manhandling her. Original LR: https://forums.playingfire.com/posts/blonde-brat-numerous-flakes-tinder-lr/
Archetype: Definitely kinky/sub
- She opens him with “How dominate are we talking here?”. Huge green light plus the fact that she picked up specifically this on Alex’s bio, shows she likes to be dominated.
- The conversation goes sexual right off the bat and as you can see, if there’s such a big green light, it’s going to be smooth sailing.
- “As I’ve said many times I’m not an easy girl”. Bratty prize framing behavior here. So, he takes a step back as well. Frame control 101. (https://www.playingfire.com/what-is-frame-and-how-to-frame-control-a-girl/)
- She gives the whole spiel of “I won’t sleep with you on the first date”. Plausible deniability of chemistry shows non-neediness but she calls herself a challenge. He calls her out on being a brat. Something ticks for her.
- She wants someone to put her in her place when she acts bratty. Logistics and a few flakes in between. Hence the diminishing interest from her end.
- A little detailed sexting gets her horny. The whole “No sleeping on the first date” is no longer a concern and it’s all about inviting her over for some wine.
- They bang and obviously she is put in her place alright!
Things to look out for when reading a girl’s profile:
- Her body posture should give lots of info away itself. The girl from the second interaction had the booty picture shining away for starters. Most guys — any Tom, Dick, or Kumar — would comment on that or end up coming across as too crass.
- Picture angles also play a role. If she’s taking selfies with an angle of her looking up at the phone, you know she wants the D.
- Facial expressions. Confident, intimidating, facial expressions will usually indicate that she craves dominance behind closed doors. And a man who’s her equal outside
Another example for kinky/sub category: (Original LR: https://www.playingfire.com/naughty-canadian-tourist-tinder-lay-report/)
- Pretty straightforward fuck date. She was looking for “A big dick” on Tinder. Imagine if you had spoken to her about chemistry building and cuddling. She’d have lost attraction.
- Even though it looks easy, a lot of guys might not get the hint and fuck up the interaction.
- A few texts back and forth and she was ready to go. You’ll read the LR and see that it was strictly sexual. Nothing else needed to be done. What an angel!
Example of Inexperienced but curious:
- This was in Asia when he was visiting. My initial read on her was that she could be curious about sex, but might be inexperienced. She had a booty picture but was giving off an awkward smile in every picture.
- A low threshold opener with slow and calculated build-up to “Move your legs wide open” and turn her on. Just seeing an initial reaction to the text.
- She’s compliant and I talk about more pussy eating to turn her on. All of this is done with a very slow build-up rather than being too much too fast.
- A little goofy texting in between helps to put her at ease and more invested. Especially since she’s Asian and is probably a little old fashioned.
- After the WhatsApp close, it was just logistics and she came over.
- By being so calculated with the escalation, she feels more attracted to the sexual authority he brings to the table.
Another example: Original LR – https://www.playingfire.com/hot-polish-virgin-tinder-lay-report/
- Needless to say that a virgin is inexperienced. The first wave of sexualizing was being received well by her. Even closes him for the date.
- But the next morning she hits up with a message that she thinks it’s too much.
- This doesn’t really make sense and guys would fuck up here by not diving in deep to find out the real reason.
- Turns out, she’s a virgin. A rare find, but happens now and then. If girls are inexperienced, they might overblow the sexual prowess they have without the real intention to meet.
- Gladly, that wasn’t the case here. Just by addressing the virgin concern, he ends up getting her over and banging.
Example of Chemistry girl:
These are the kind who will also suggest a public date for the first date. Not to fret, there’s a guide for that already:
Archetype: Chemistry girls (rather not sext when it’s not being received)
- This girl is almost bratty but a subtle difference is that she’s not at all welcoming to the sexualization. Throughout the interaction, she tries to prize frame herself and almost comes across as a prude.
- The infamous “You and me sharing wine….you beg for it…” line instantly gets her to say “I don’t beg”.
- Even roleplaying “Daddy” gives off non-compliant vibes and a little discouraging. But, hey! This is a girl who doesn’t do well with sexualization.
- You just stop sexualizing. Build some rapport and suggest a date. Her hidden concern is she doesn’t like to go sexual unless she knows someone well (has chemistry)
- She ends up coming over because of the COVID situation and the bars being closed.
- It was quite an easy close for him since she still appreciated him being sexual. As you can see, she says “Thank you for being direct…”.
Other examples where the close didn’t happen but still has some good lessons:
Archetype: Submissive, but inexperienced
This interaction came from a guy in our mastermind group who I was helping with. Let’s analyze:
- Initially, she looks a bit feminine/cutesy, but she’s a musician so likely has a bit of an edge. View calibration as you come up with a story for the girl. When you’re a beginner, most of the stories you weave will end up false.
- Sexually I read her as submissive but the inexperienced kind. Mainly the way she exposes her neck. Usually, girls who cover up their neck in one or more pictures are more prone to be a little awkward and aren’t sure about their sexuality.
- At first, some vibing based on her ‘howdy’ opener (Great opportunity for roleplay of cowgirl attire and boots). Girls love clothes so this goes well. I start to subtly sexualize by using the word ‘riding’ (consider this a bait). She played along with the vivid cowgirl roleplay by qualifying about her riding skills.
- She qualified her riding skills, so I give her a bigger qualifying hoop to jump. Rate your ‘riding’ skills. Girls have dirty minds so she’s starting to get the idea here, and qualifies her bum. That’s a green light, so we tell her that we’ll give it a spank. Now we can see how she reacts to that overt sexualization.
- That got a good emotional response – if she calls you ‘naughty’ that’s usually good. I flip that back on her. She starts to accept the frame that she’s naughty ‘what gave it away’.
- I tell her that her eyes tell me things. Such a good line to go into cold reads. It’s like women want you to read them and if you have the accuracy, that’s a huge turn on. Shows authority.
- She has given us multiple green lights, so now we cold-read her as wanting a dominant man with all the fun stuff that comes with that. She feels like we understand her hidden desires and can provide her with a great experience. We soft close with wine at our place. She seems very down with the ‘sounds like trouble’.
- Cold reads definitely need to be completely based on what’s in front of you, or it just shows gameyness. She’s going to think it’s a canned line, and you’ll end up getting ghosted.
- The read hits hard and she’s instantly intrigued. Number close and a little more flirting before a hard close. Over text, she is flirty and just a little bratty with that defiant ‘and what if I don’t’. She needs a dominant guy. Even though she is a little non-compliant saying her lips are sealed, we frame that as her turning us on with the talk of lips.
- Unfortunately, the client closed suboptimally and the date never ends up happening. He did get her on the phone where she revealed she had an abusive past relationship.
Archetype: Submissive but inexperience and curious
- This is an example of a good amount of humor mixed with sexuality and my initial read on her was she’s a kinky/sub girl. There’s a fine line when it comes to humor and sexualizing. A little is okay but you definitely don’t want to come across as the dancing monkey type.
- My cold read was definitely that she’s submissive and is quite kinky. “Swiped right for dancing on tree logs” makes 0 fucking sense. But it’s different, she’s probably never received a text like that.
- She says “You’re a man with true taste I see”. The tonality of the message is very important to understand. She’s obviously exaggerating. You exaggerate back. But also throw in a qualifying hoop.
- She says “I’m impressed”. I instantly jump on it and flip the frame. I always do that when a girl tries to impose the “impress me” frame.
- More flirty vibe here and I always wait for the right moment to strike. I talk about the booty analysis and she “guesses” that he’s an ass guy (The tinder of my roomie).
- “Oh noo. What gave it away!!!” obviously has an exaggerated tonality. She says mustache. And I find a way to even use that to escalate.
- Her mind instantly goes towards “dominant” because of the whole hair pulling aspect.
- I’d say at least 98% of women love a dominant man. It’s about you taking the responsibility away from her when you’re in bed.
- She digs deep into the read. I give her information about the way I went about guessing. He has “sex coach” written in his tinder profile. Every girl will definitely inquire about this since it’s quite unusual. He got it from this video (Link sex coaching routine video even though it’s a product only chapter).
- It was just about holding the frame and some more vibing. The meet didn’t end up happening since she initially wanted to drive 80 miles to come to fuck my roomie. But, she ended up getting cold feet and doubted herself for taking that risk.
It’s all about capitalizing on opportunistic windows the girl gives you over text. She will subtly chase or help you get sexual. You need to jump on it. If you do, the attraction remains. If you don’t, she will simply NEXT you. The same goes for not sexualizing. If she isn’t receiving it well, change the topic and move it forward to logistics. The attempt itself is a tiny attraction trigger which will help set the foundation to the frames you can set in person.
Until next time,