Ok, so you’ve gotten a girl’s number from Tinder. Hopefully, you’ve followed a good Tinder framework, and you know by now to set up dates pretty seamlessly. But still, a lot of guys get stuck when they get a number and bounce her to text. Read on to learn how to message a girl on Tinder after getting her number.
There are really three main scenarios you’ll deal with when you get a girl’s number:
- She’s interested in meeting up, and soon
- She’s interested in meeting up, but she can’t for a while
- She’s not that compliant or interested in meeting up
In this post, we’ll cover each of these three areas so you know exactly what to do when you get a girl’s number from Tinder.
3. You get a Tinder girl’s number – but she’s not that compliant or interested in meeting up.
We’re actually going to start with #3 first, because it’s one we see happen a lot. And it’s probably the easiest to avoid. This most common reason this happens is that guys are simply overeager to get a girl’s number. Society has kind of trained guys to see the number as this magical prize. That once they get a number, a date is all but assured. This mentality is wrong: this is why guys get stuck with a phonebook full of dozens of phone numbers but 0 dates.
Let me share the cold, hard reality: a girl’s phone number is ONLY a logistical tool, and maybe a small sign of investment.
Ultimately, the problem is that this mentality causes you to get too narrow of a focus on getting phone numbers. Remember, the goal of Tinder is to meet girls and have sex with them – not to max out your phone’s storage with new contacts.
The key to actually getting a girl to meet is investment and compliance. She should be invested in you, and she should be invested in the idea of a date with you. Rather than focusing on collecting numbers, your goal should be to get girls invested in you. Because regardless of whether you’re messaging her on Tinder or text, if she’s not invested in you, she’s not going to agree to meet up. And even if she does, she will flake.
I wanted to note that the other reason numbers sometimes don’t pan out is when she’s a time waster. A time waster is someone who is on the app just to get some validation, matches with you but has no real intention to meet. These kinds of girls give away their numbers because they like the validation of lots of guys texting them.
You can usually spot a time waster by the tell tale signs like “I’m not on here often, follow me on IG”, “I don’t check this app very often” or when you ask her about her schedule, she gives you an “Very busy”
Examples of a time waster:
“I just don’t even know why I’m on this app”. It’s a dating app. She’s on it for dating. So, you know even if she gives you her number, it would end up in a giant time wasting endeavor.
Replies with emojis to the opener. After a re-engage, she goes “I’m not on here a lot” and eventually ghosts. She just doesn’t take online dating seriously. Don’t let this make you think that you did something wrong here
1. She’s interested in meeting up, and soon.
If you’ve done your work properly, then a girl should be interested in meeting up with you when you bounce her to text. And if she’s available relatively soon (say within the next few days), then it’s pretty straightforward.
You can have a little bit of banter over text, and then focus on locking down the logistics of the date. Here are a few mistakes guys make at this point, and how to avoid them:
Mistake 1: Keeping the Tinder date plans too ambiguous.
This can be ambiguity around the location of the date, the day or the date, or the actual time of the date. I see a lot of text interactions where the guy gets a girl to roughly agree to a date that’s a few days away. He hits her the day of to confirm, and she ghosts or flakes. The guys ends up surprised, when in reality, it’s his fault!
Same thing with location. Some guys are nervous about inviting girls directly to their place. They keep the date location ambiguous, then when she asks where to meet him, he finally says “We can meet at my place.” The girl wasn’t prepared for this, and so she flakes on the date.
The bottom line is: When you get a girl on text, make sure you solidly and confidently set up the full plan. Date, time, and location. Deal with any objections or concerns she might have. The goal is to remove as many obstacles as possible from her meeting up with you.
Mistake 2: Texting Her Too Much Before the Date
“OH MY GOD, I’ve got a hot girl who wants to meet up with me!” This mindset happens when guys are lacking abundance, or match with a girl who’s ‘hotter than the rest’ of the girls he’s got on rotation. So the guy gets way too invested in the girl before he even meets her. He starts blowing up her phone and messaging her all the time.
Girls are really good at picking up on cues like this. This behavior conveys a bunch of bad things to her: Lack of abundance. Inexperience with women. Not having standards (you haven’t even met her to know if she’s cool yet!). Etc. And then no surprise, the girl never shows up to the date.
If you’re meeting her in just a day or a few days, chill the fuck out. Even if she’s the hottest girl you’ve ever matched with. Focus on your life and goals. Hit the gym, do some work, get beers with friends, whatever. Just don’t overinvest in her before you’ve even met.
Mistake 3: Not Properly Confirming with Her
It’s Monday night, and you’ve done your work properly. She’s invested, and she’s agreed to come straight to your apartment at 7 PM on Thursday night. You’re excited all week for it, and then Thursday night rolls around. Your phone ticks to 7:00, and there’s no sign of her. 7:15. 7:30. Finally, you text her and ask when you can expect her. She replies that she totally forgot. Where did you go wrong?!
Simply put, you forgot to confirm with her. She forgot about the date and made other plans. The truth is that you’re not a priority in a girl’s life until you’ve had sex with her, probably at least a few times. Until then, you’re just another guy from a dating app. And she’s not planning her life around you.
Women will preemptively flake on you if you don’t ping her between setting up the date and the day of. They’ll do this out of protecting their ego since they can’t handle being flaked on. So, even a funny meme a couple of days out will just keep her in the loop that you didn’t forget about her.
Fortunately, this mistake is incredibly easy to avoid with two steps:
Step 1: Text her the night before, “Hey still good for tomorrow?” or “Did you pick out a cute dress for our date?”. Something simple, but that reminds her and confirm she’s still coming.
Step 2: Text her a few hours before the date. If the date is in the evening, late morning is a good rule of thumb for when to text her. “7pm still good for you?” or something similar – again, keep it simple.
And if she does flake after these texts, don’t get emotional. Flaking is part of playing the online dating game. Just take it calmly and try to reschedule.
Example of a Bumble Girl Interested in Meeting Up and SOON
- Kept it simple and replied with “Came back from a run with my husky…. And you?” when she asks “What’s up”
- She goes with her puppy being passed out next to her (law of reciprocation). I associate her pet passing out to “stealing cuddles” and trusting in her cuddling abilities. I proceed to soft close with a date plan (without keeping it ambiguous as Point 1-1) and number close
- I say “Hey. This …. From the internet”. Been using this recently which always gets a laugh. When she says it back, I associate it with an AA meeting since that’s the first thing that popped into my head
- “Cuddles and booty massages are our birth right(Point 1-1). I direct the conversation in a sexual direction to move it forward (Point 1-2)
- “The romantic date keeps getting better and better. Comes with being each other’s type”. Solidifying the “we-frame” here as well. She bites on that and agrees
- I talk about a booty analysis that I may run on the date. Just painting a bigger and bigger picture about the date. Has sexual and cutesy aspects to them but it’s implicitly also setting up a bang for when we meet
- As you can see, we talk about dogs and she also brings her life into mine with the issues she’s facing with her dog’s separation anxiety. All of these are great ways to get the girl to buy in more to meet up even when you don’t end up texting way too much (Point 1-2)
- I also talk about the jacuzzi as a form of demonstrating high value and intrigue of how it’s going to be at the jacuzzi and wearing a swimsuit
- With some logistics planning and confirming properly (Point 1-3), I met her outside at a bar and after one drink, it was pull time
Example B (Tentative whether to keep this since it was only 5 days of texting and she was pretty compliant anyway)
- This is not a same night lay but it took a bit of texting back and forth. The vibe is basically very lighthearted. When she sends a sun emoji, I just interpret it as “Sunshine is my nickname? ;)” followed by “What energy do you radiate? Or is that for me to absorb on our date?”
- “How do you feel today?”, I answer by letting her know I finished writing a guide. Only missing some <her name> in my life. She is much more intrigued with the whole sex coaching aspect but she still required a bit of warming up to meet and says “You know how to seduce a girl” (little does she know ;))
- She wants to know more about how I became a sex coach. But we kind of agree on leaving the story until the date (Point 1-1) and that the cuter she dresses up, the higher chances it is for her to hear the story
- She re-engages me with having lost the dog she was sitting. I use it as a way to “cuddle”ize as the win when she finds it. She bites with “You see? Now I have to find him”
- I ask her about her cuddling skills, I go a bit further by painting a picture of how the cuddles would be
- “I wish to dream it tonight”. I use this to segue to the hard close (Point 1-2) with “It will soon become a reality” and make sure to not text too much making
- When she goes “I found him” without me asking, I view this as interest and I reward her with “I guess I will have to give passionate kisses and cuddles”. She goes “I don’t kiss on the first date”, “Usually”. I brush it off with “…until now <smirk>”
- Now, she gives an objection/emotional concern. I smoothly handle it as you see in the screenshots. I show empathy and make sure I communicate and think the same way she does and that I’m not into meaningless hookups. She agrees and asks me about my zodiac sign. Never joke around and keep it simple when you can. This way, women can feel at ease to relate to you
- I do a cold read based on her being aries and still being a submissive girl. She agrees but wants to find out more. I reiterate (Point 1-2) the romantic date to soft re-confirm that we’re going to meet.
- Pretty simple logistics after (Point 1-3). The same story with her. Met her at the same bar (lol) and pulled her after. I went on to see her for a couple of months but it was difficult to set times with her because of the fact that she was a single mom
As you can see, this has a lot to do with patience. Guys fuck up by continuously pestering the girl to meet with “What evenings are you free next” “What’s your schedule like”. If you don’t trigger her intrigue, get her bought in more into the idea of meeting you up before hard closing, then you’re only setting yourself up for flakes and will fight a losing battle without much from the girl.
2. She’s interested in meeting up, but she’s not available for a while.
This probably presents the biggest hurdle for most guys. You use the PWF line, “What’s your schedule like?”, and she responds with “I’m not free for a week or so” or “I’m out of town for the next 10 days”.
How do you message this girl from Tinder knowing she can’t meet up for a while? You need to keep the lead warm or the girl won’t be riding the emotional wave of mystery / excitement / eagerness to meet you.
The first thing to keep in mind is to keep it simple and not overcomplicate it. You need to have a conversation with the girl with very subtle indications of sexualizing / flirting / vibing at the right timing. Guys generally are unaware of what to say over text. Because they know they have to keep this lead warm, they end up sending super platonic or boring texts. They let the conversation get stale and suck the air out of the balloon. Or, they don’t engage enough, and the girl just thinks he’s no longer interested.
Your goal is to walk the balance of keeping her interested without going overboard in messaging her too much. Here are three key texting techniques I use to keep her interested when I know she can’t meet for a while:
1. Try to bring her into your world.
I tend to describe my day with activities I did throughout it to paint a picture. I want her to think that I’m a high value guy, and not, for example, someone who just plays video games all day. Being busy is a “turn on” for women – it shows you have your life together, and it signals to her that you won’t be too needy with her.
2. Reiterate romance and the date.
This is a lot like the sales tactics they use for commercials. The more you see a commercial, the more you’re intrigued to find out about the product and how you can buy it.
3. Keep it lighthearted rather than logical.
I want to exchange logical information about myself as little as possible, since I want her to be curious about me. I want her to “want to find out” more about me. Mystery creates tension because of the unknown that is to come.
- Example when the girl was interested in meeting by there was a fair amount of persistence required (Original LR here: https://www.playingfire.com/big-tits-girl-text-game-persistence-tinder-lr/)
- This clearly took a bit of persistence from Alex and she was probably well worth it. He goes with “Ah the cute chick with the dog” when she texts him after the number close (Point 3-1). He’s bringing her into his world since he owns a dog as well
- She asks the old fashioned “What are you looking for?”. He sexualizes but also gives the plausible deniability of wanting to find a cool girl he has chemistry with
- When she gives an objection, he handles it smoothly (what do you expect ;)). Some more persistence is required but also, this was the time of initial covid lockdown.
- Some more objections handling later, he keeps it lighthearted (Point 3-3) and talks about him choosing her to distract her from getting work done (Point 3-2)
- When she suggests a place outside, he goes for meeting up at a park first to walk his dog (Point 3-1) and also she bites on it related to his tattoos
- He tries to soft close a few times with wine/drinks or mocktails (Point 3-2). They meet up and end it with a “bang”
How to Message a Girl After Getting Her Number – and Get Yourself a Date
Getting a girl’s phone number is an important step, but it’s important that you don’t overvalue this. Getting a phone number does not equal getting a date. Your goal is to get her phone number at an emotional high point in the Tinder conversation, when she’s invested into you and meeting up with you. Once you get her on text, your goal is to use it to get to the date. She may be available soon, or you may have to keep the lead warm.
It’s important to follow the steps I’ve outlined above to ensure that, regardless of her availability, you take the right actions to maximize the chances of her meeting up with you.
Hit me up with any questions in the comments!
Indian (same bar) PE