Nowadays, a lot of older men are jumping back into the dating pool, often after a divorce or a long relationship. If you’re an older guy in this situation, you’ve probably quickly noticed: Dating is different than it was 10 or 15 years ago.
New challenges such as political correctness, ageism, and social media can make this new dating reality confusing and challenging. This is particularly true if your aim is to date younger women. This article will give you some practical tips on how to navigate the new dating landscape and be successful dating younger women as an older man.
Do Looks Matter?
There’s always been a lot of debate about the idea of “looks vs. game”. Regardless of your opinion on this matter in general, I’m here to tell you that looks DEFINITELY matter as an older guy. By being in great shape, you’re going to create a wonderful contrast as compared to other guys in your age range.
I suggest you start going to a gym with a lot of fit young people. I’m 42, and the gym that I go to is full of 20 something fitness models and fit guys in their 20s. I go there because it helps me up my game. I hear guys say they aren’t comfortable being around that many young people. That is ageism – judging people based on what year they are born. Yuck.
Bottom line: Get in the best shape of your life. You will carry yourself with a confidence that women will love but more importantly you will love yourself.
Find Examples of Why Older Men Are Attractive
Some older men have limiting beliefs and inner game issues around their attractiveness, due to their age. It’s important to reframe this in your mind, because fact is, lots of older men are attractive – and lots of younger women want older men!
Notice that James Bond is always played by an older guy. Look at how attractive women find Sean Connery. Watch these films and burn these examples into your head. Ignore unhelpful examples like, “Yeah, but girls also love Justin Bieber”. Of course they are into celebrities and the like, but at the same time, they can be into older men.
Develop an Attractive Lifestyle/Master Modern Social Media
“I hate Social Media!”, I can hear the older guy exclaim. Guess what: If this is your attitude, you lose. Would you also like to take away the kid’s rock and roll because it’s the devil’s music? Perhaps you want to bring segregation back?
I’m joking. The point is stop being a dinosaur. Recognize that it’s you who is out of sync with trends (the world is not out of sync with you). Learn Instagram especially. Travel the world, post your adventures on social media, and let women want to become a part of your cool lifestyle
Practically speaking, very few older men have an awesome Instagram or Facebook account. The world is growing more digital each and every day. By embracing this now, and learning how to use it to gain a competitive advantage, it will separate you from the pack.
Overcome Social Conditioning and Ageism
Television, movies and other media normally often show dating and couples that are in roughly the same age range. This isn’t necessarily the way things actually play out in real life. Again, don’t let this instill limiting beliefs in you.
Many marriages from older people are 10-15 years (or more) apart. The belief that this is bad or unnatural is simply social conditioning. You don’t have to play a part in this – you can reject this social conditioning! Many young women love older men who have their shit together, and many of them feel that younger guys are childish and actually prefer an older man.
Shit Tests Regarding Age
One thing to note. If you’re going to go against the grain and date a wide age range of women (as I and the PWF team encourage), you better be prepared to deal with shit tests. Expect comments like, “How old are you? You’re old enough to be my dad!” or “You should just grow up and settle down.”, and many others.
These comments aren’t necessarily meant to imply that the woman you’re speaking to isn’t interested. It’s simply a shit test – her testing your frame. Women do this all the time. In fact, if you were a 22-year-old guy talking to a 28-year-old woman, she might say “You’re too young for me.” Women are always going to test your frame to make sure that you are the guy you say you are. These shit tests are TOTALLY unrelated to whether she’s truly into you.
Take a Systematic Approach to Dating as an Older Man
You’re going to need to have a system. I see a lot of guys who are older who say, “I’m sick of playing games.” And things like, “I’m not one of these young kids who’s just looking to get laid.” or “I’ll know the right one when I find her”.
This isn’t how you approach your professional life, is it? Your magical thinking will not save you. For example, in sales, you have a systematic approach, do lead generation, and put your best foot forward. You need to apply these same principles that have allowed you to excel professionally into place regarding your dating life as well.
Set the Proper Frame
A lot of older guys set an incorrect frame when they get into dating women. They lead with their money or their status. The problem is, these set you up in her mind to be her sugar daddy, provider, and/or boyfriend. This is not an ideal palace to be.
Many older guys get this wrong because they think, “Well I’m ready to settle down and find the ‘one’.” So they show up on their first date in a suit asking super serious questions of the girl, like her aspirations, her desire for children, and more. This is incredibly boring and will lead you into a place of scarcity because no one will want to see you again.
The problem is, many older guys take this approach, then become convinced that dating is broken. They start to think things like “there are no good women in the world anymore.” Again, this is that dinosaur mentality that you need to conquer to succeed in today’s dating world
The proper way to go about dating as an older man is to set the frame that you are an attractive, sexual, and fun guy. This way you can have sexual adventures or have companionship while developing connections and screening for more. Leading with money simply sets yourself up to, at best, be viewed as a beta male provider.
Another mistake that older guys make is they put youth on such a pedestal that they don’t screen properly for who the woman is. If they match with a 25-year-old hottie, they just lose their fucking mind.
By this point in your life, I’m sure you’ve had your heart broken and learned a little bit more about yourself and what your character is. So don’t get overeager or intimidated by these young girls! If she sees you getting intimidated by her or her shit tests, her attraction for you is going to plummet.
This is amplified for many guys because they listen to red pillars talk about how any woman over 35 is useless. (Guys, this is just not true. There are plenty of fun, attractive women over 35.)
This eagerness for a young “hottie” puts guys at a major disadvantage. The solution is twofold: First, to enjoy the connection of a woman in her 30s or 40s who has her shit together while at the same time giving her that playful energy that she hasn’t gotten since she’s 20. And second, when you do match with that hottie on Tinder, qualify and screen her to get her to show you she has more than just her youth and good looks to offer you.
Let Go of Your Ego
As an older guy I imagine that over these years you’ve learned things. The problem is, often, the older we get, the more we become set in our ways and confident in our beliefs. Rather than considering a Tinder framework that could work for us, we keep doing things the way we believe we should.
You’ve got to push your ego out the door. Be willing to try new things (for example, sexualizing aggressively over text) and push yourself. This is why I purchased the Playing with Fire Online Dating Blueprint and joined the Mastermind, so I could receive coaching and be forced to think differently.
Moving Forward: Succeeding as an Older Man on Tinder and Dating Apps
The same ideas from Playing with Fire that are working for younger guys, will work for you. You just have to change your dinosaur mentality, and adapt to this new way of dating. So: Join up and study the PWF forum. Get ridiculously fit. Take great Tinder photos and write a good Tinder bio. With some work, you can enjoy an amazing sex and love life with women from all ages, even if you’re older.