No likes getting ghosted or flaked on. It’s an unfortunate and inevitable part of online dating. But, I’ve noticed some guys get flaked on a lot more than others. And while location & demographics definitely play a large role, you can also increase or decrease the chances of a woman flaking through your actions. (Of course, you should also know what to do if a woman flakes on you.)
There are a number of mistakes men frequently make when texting women. Some of these in particular will really turn the woman off.
So, I interviewed several girls who I’ve hooked up with. I analyzed all the times in their life they’ve ever ghosted or flaked on someone and what was the underlying reason. Some universal themes regarding what causes a girl to ghost or flake began to emerge.
From that, I am breaking down the biggest mistakes men make when texting women. These mistakes will often doom you, so avoid them!
- Boring Text Convo / Lack of Progression – It’s important to understand the basics of how to talk to girls on Tinder. Every girl I talked to said that she dislikes when a guy is always just saying “hey what’s up”, “hi how’s it going”, etc. They basically get bored and write him off. The idea is that if he’s super boring over text then he’ll be super boring in real life. Lack of progression ties into this as well. Girls who are interested in actually meeting someone will eventually get bored if the guy always just chit chats and never “makes it happen”. NOTE: You also, don’t want to go to the other extreme and become over gamey, which is, unfortunately, one of the most common mistakes in the pickup community.
- Unsolicited Dick Pics – Believe it or not, these are the norm for women when it comes to online dating (and dating in general). It’s not that a lot of chicks don’t appreciate a nice dick pic, it’s that they don’t appreciate an UNSOLICITED dick pic. A simple rule of thumb, if she asks to see your cock then send a dick pic. If not, then don’t
- Late Night Booty Call Attempts – Even the most Dtf chicks I talked to said that they typically get annoyed when a guy hits them up at 2 am. It’s not that they don’t want to fuck, but it’s that this makes them feel like an afterthought (which if we’re being honest is usually the truth in these situations). The solution here is simple, just hit a girl up earlier in the night. Or ideally, make plans ahead of time. (Especially, if you haven’t fucked her yet).
- Lack of Follow up & No Real Plan – A mistake a lot of guys make is that they’re too vague when they’re making plans. Maybe, they’re worried about coming off needy. However, a girl will interpret that as a guy not being that interested and might preemptively flake to avoid getting flaked on herself. This is unfortunately quite common. To avoid this, be sure to set up a solid date with her over text. Make concrete plans and always confirm the morning of (also it’s good to send some kind of flirty reminder the day before as well.
- Neediness – This is a universal turn off. A chick might be legitimately interested in a guy but busy with something, then she checks her phone and sees a dozen texts from him…and she immediately loses interest. The solution is to simply not be needy. Try to think how would Dan Bilzerian handle this situation. It’s quite unlikely that he would spend his whole day blowing up one girl’s phone.
- Getting Butthurt – This will typically manifest when a girl reschedules on a guy because of some legit last-minute “emergency” in her life (very common in 2020) and the guy gets butthurt. Unfortunately, that will often turn a simple reschedule into a full-on flake because the girl will feel now feel weird meeting up with that guy. The solution is to simply not make a big deal out of it when a girl needs to reschedule. Of course, if this becomes a pattern, then you want to call it out in a non-butthurt way.
- Stubbornness – Being Confident and taking charge is good, but not when you are not able to pick up on the signals a chick is giving you. Sometimes a guy will get so focused on “his plan” that he will miss obvious signs that a girl is not into part of it. (Common one is picking her up at home or fancy dates). Eventually, the girl will have to choose between doing something she’s not comfortable with or flaking/ghosting. The simple solution is to pay attention to what a girl is communicating and calibrate your plan accordingly.
- Unnecessary Double Texting – In the vast majority of situations, double texting is bad. Guys often overanalyze or second guess a message they sent, and then quickly send another. Or, guys get impatient waiting for her to reply (see neediness above). Double texting unnecessarily conveys to her that you don’t have options and are needy. Both of which can quickly end her interest in you.
Avoid these huge mistakes when texting a girl on Tinder. Making them can be the end of an otherwise positive interactions. Learning to avoid them will help you get better at texting girls.