You know who it is! I’m at it again to give you clarity on using phone calls as part of your arsenal of online dating skills. Phone calls are a powerful tool, but one that needs to be used strategically. You hear a lot in the Red Pill community that “you shouldn’t text her like a girl back and forth” or “keep it to one text minimum” and that, instead, you should limit the interaction to phone calls. While there are circumstances where a call makes sense, today, women are generally more accustomed to texting than talking on the phone. Especially with younger girls, they may have grown up with most of their interactions being on the screen rather than through a call.
I know a lot of guys who stick to phone calls for interactions. They are actually good at bringing their personality on the phone and building massive comfort and familiarity/investment, making the girl get excited to meet him. But, there are plenty of cons to using the phone as well, especially for guys who are fairly new to dating apps & text game. With that in mind, here are the pros and cons of using a phone call for a girl you met on Tinder/etc.
Pros of Calling a Girl from Tinder
- It builds familiarity. With a phone call, she can get a feel for you quite quickly. And, you can tell much more easily how interested she is over the phone than over text. In that case, the phone call presents you with better opportunities to display your value (DHV). And if you get the sense she’s not as interested and more likely to flake, you it leaves you with the ability to make backup plans for the day of the meet. In short, a well done phone call can build massive amounts of comfort very quickly.
- It lets you get more personal with her. A phone call unlocks the ability for her to hear your voice, which is considerably more personal than just texting her. And, it allows you to vibe “live” in a way you couldn’t otherwise until you meet. This allows her to kind of know what to expect in meeting you. As a result, there’s less of a chance she’ll get nervous/cold feet on the day of the date. Girls get nervous about dates out of uncertainty and overthinking. Getting her on a phone call can cut this down.
- It lets you project tonality. It can be very hard to read the intent of a message over text. So for example, you’re being light hearted over text, but the girl misinterprets it and gets defensive. These kinds of things are much easier to project through tonality. And of course, tonality can only be projected over the phone.
Cons of Calling a Tinder Match
- It can get awkward. A lot of girls find it awkward to talk to someone over the phone. Again, remember many girls have infrequently used this form of communication, as they grew up and are reliant on texting/Snapchatting/etc. So, they may find it weird if you’re trying to talk to her on the phone. In these cases, the girl may take the path of least resistance and ghost on you.
- You don’t have time to think. You don’t have time to think before you say something over the phone. If you’re inexperienced at thinking on your feet, it’s also much harder to look at the frames that are being played. On the other hand, over text, you can take your sweet ass time to come up with the best/most optimal text to handle a situation.
- It can deflate some of the mystery / intrigue. A woman likes to have some element of mystery / intrigue about the guy she’s getting to know. This makes for a more exciting emotional journey for her. If you exchange too much logical information over the phone, all of this mystery can get lost. This leaves no intrigue for the girl to want to show up on the date.
- It can be hard to manage her tangents. When girls do talk on the phone, they like to chit-chat. There’s a high likelihood that she will chat your ear off. This runs counter to an ideal interaction, where you are leading the conversation forward in an optimal direction. You’ll need to cut her off to take back the frame and ensure the call stays on point. This is more easily done in person and more difficult over the phone. And of course, over text, it’s either not a problem or even easier to manage.
- It can be hard to work to your benefit if you’re inexperienced with phone game. If your phone game is not on point and you aren’t that great at building a good vibe over the phone, then it’s very possible you will actually hurt your chances of her meeting up with you. Phone game is a complex topic on its own, but each of the points above are critical to having strong phone game.
When Should You Get a Girl on the Phone?
Taking all of this into account, there are certain circumstances where it’s most optimal to get a girl on the phone.
- She’s a bad texter.You will match with some Tinder girls who are just terrible texters or barely ever check their message inbox. Some of these are time wasters, which you’ll aim to screen out, but some are just legitimately bad at texting. Don’t take this personally. Instead, offer a phone call when she does this with “I’m a terrible texter as well. Let’s hop on a phone call for like 5 minutes and sort this out ;)”. Pro-tip: The “5 minutes part” is a a false time constraint, since it conveys you won’t be a guy who awkwardly talks her ear off for 30 minutes (double standards smh)
- She has a strong concern that you need to address. Let’s say you invite a girl over for a bottle of wine and she gives you some variation of the “I don’t really know you that well” concern. You’re really not feeling the public date for whatever reason, so you’d rather try to address the concern and get her to come straight to yours. You can send something like, “Why don’t we hop on a quick phone call? This way I can make sure you’re not a secret 300 lb black guy either”. Often times, a call can help address her concern.
- You don’t know what to text. If you’re new to online dating, or you just struggle with what to say over text, a phone call can be helpful. (This, of course, assumes you are more comfortable at leading a phone call than a text conversation. Otherwise, a call can blow up in your face even worse than sending the wrong text.) In any case, we definitely recommend you take the time to review our texting framework so you don’t get stuck as often.
- You get a sense she’s flaky about the date. You soft and hard close her, and she agrees to the date at your place. Still, you have this nagging feeling she’s going to flake or at least isn’t totally invested in the date. A phone call that builds up investment and comfort can be one of the best ways to help reduce the chance that she flakes.
Summary: Texting a Girl vs. Calling a Girl
There are benefits to calling a girl from Tinder, but there are also plenty of risks. For most situations and most men, we still recommend texting a girl over phone calling. Again, women – especially younger ones – are conditioned to not use phone calls a lot, so if nothing else, pushing to talk to her on the phone often can come across as weird. Plus, we have extensive resources for guys who are texting girls – making it easier for you to know how to text a girl to get the date, and in turn get laid.
Hope that helps you,