How to Text a Girl (5 Rules Every Guy Needs to Know)

How to text girls?

This guide will show you the 5 most important rules of texting girls. While we will mention Tinder and other dating apps a lot, most of this advice will apply to every type of texting. So if you’re looking to improve your texting with girls you meet in real life, this guide will also help you. Now let’s begin:

Hopefully, by now, you know that girls on dating apps are flooded with options. So, having great Tinder pictures and a witty Tinder bio isn’t quite enough. Your ability to properly message girls is essential to getting results. The same thing applies to Instagram and real-life interactions. Even a semi-attractive girl has tons of guys who are trying to text her. Fortunately, for you, most of them have no idea what they’re doing (and after reading this guide, you will)

5 Rules for Texting Girls

1. Keep Your Opening Message Short & Sweet

Most guys go overly fancy and think they have to really impress the girl. So, they tend to put way too much time and energy into their Tinder opener. No matter how attractive you are, if it looks like you’re “trying too hard,” the girl gets turned off. The idea is that when you put excessive effort into your first text, the girl thinks you don’t often match with girls of her caliber. Thus, short & sweet is the name of the game

Also, you want to avoid corny pickup lines or anything that looks like it was copy & pasted. A standard “hey, hows it going” will work better than a long-winded pick-up line

Bad Example:

This is clearly a pickup line, and the girl probably won’t respond, and might even unmatch. It’s obviously copied/pasted, and she’ll know you sent it to 50 other girls. More importantly, it makes you come off as a weirdo who can’t organically seduce a girl. Plus, she knows she has already won you over, because otherwise, why would you be trying so hard

Good Example:

Notice the difference here. It’s a simple opener which seems a lot more genuine (compared to the earlier pick up line). In addition, it doesn’t really give her too much validation and doesn’t ask the girl to give too much back. She is going to feel like she needs to continue the conversation. This can be the start of a good interaction.

How to open girls you met in real life? Typically, I will just message her 30 minutes or so after getting her number and say “Alex ;”. That’s right just you first name with a winky face works quite well

How to open girls on Instagram? The advice here would be a bit different. Instead of doing a conventional opener, try just replying to one of her stories. The same principles apply, keep your message short & sweet

2. Be the Buyer, Not the Seller

You don’t want to make it seem like the girl has won you over from just matching or meeting with you and being attractive. Women crave at least a little bit of a challenge. Plus, coming across as the “buyer” shows you have standards and options, which is attractive. One of the best ways to come across as the “buyer” is to ask qualifying questions that demonstrate you have standards (beyond her looks

Qualifying Question Examples: “Are you open minded?”, “Are you adventurous?” “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?” “Are you kinky?”

A bit more about the buyer/seller dynamic! If you ever look at even an average girl’s Tinder (I highly recommend doing this on your next date), she is flooded with matches from attractive guys. So, being a good-looking guy isn’t enough. In her mind, because she’s flooded with options, she feels like the “buyer” since she’s the one weeding men out. If you can flip this dynamic to you being the “buyer” instead of the seller, the woman will assume you’re someone who, like her, has a lot of options.

Bad:

He bragged about his work. Or rather, he tried to sell himself by talking in detail about what he does. He also sent a screenshot of his work. The context here is that she never asked him for it. So he’s obviously doing this to impress her.

When you’re trying to impress her, she’s the buyer, and you’re the seller. Plus, this approach turns women off simply because it is so overtly braggadocious. You want to show, rather than tell and it has to be done in a subtle way.

Good Example:

The convo starts off with him asking him about her accent. After, she gives an explanation he “qualifies” her by saying “oo im curious to see this”. He builds on the the buyer frame by asking some further qualifying questions. This makes the girl feel like he has options and is not just inviting her out due to scarcity, but because he likes something about her (not related to her looks).

3. Use Correct Grammar

When it comes to dating, a lot of men get lazy and send texts which don’t coherently make sense. This is something that’s not talked about enough. Women get turned off by this, because grammar communicates intellect. Check, and double check, before you hit that send button. If you blame it on autocorrect too often, she’ll be smart enough to tell you’re lying and sending hasty messages.

In addition, i’ve noticed a trend amongst younger guys to use way too many abbreviations. if every other word is “u r” or “gl”, she is gonna doubt your intellect also. Your texting doesn’t need to be formal, but it shouldn’t read like it was sent by a middle school kid.

Bad Example:

This is a humorous example, but it also gets the point across. Obviously, grammar is the least of his text game issues. Bragging about your penis (especially when the number you give is pure fiction) is never good idea. This is compounded, though, by his poor spelling. She is clowning on him and his poor grammar is giving her an even bigger target

Good Example:

Adding punctuation, knowing the spelling to all the words, and capitalizing the right word for a sentence shows that you care about how you come across. Remember, she doesn’t know much about you and is forming her perception based on the texts. Having good grammar shows intellect, which can go a long way for a woman to be willing to go on a date with you.

4. Have a Purpose / Know Your Next Step

When it comes to texting, the majority of guys have no strategy. They are simply saying shit for the sake of saying it. This is the wrong approach. Just like with chess you need to think a move or two ahead. Before sending a text, ask yourself what is the purpose of this message?

A lot of the time, the purpose should be to set up a date. This might involve building more investment first or addressing her objections. (If you need more guidance on the structure of texting, check out our Tinder framework for men) Overall, it’s important that you are always keeping things moving toward the end goal (to have a date & meet her) and avoid pointless texting back and forth.

Bad Example:

At first glance, this doesn’t look that bad. But if you give it another read, you’ll see he basically is veering around aimlessly, without much of a purpose. He suggests meeting up, but he doesn’t do so very effectively. The conversation is just kind of all over the place.

These questions he went back and forth with are a conversation better had in person. When you have these conversations over text, the woman doesn’t have much else to find out. The sense of mystery is lost, so she will be less attractive. Especially when your answers are platonic and make you seem like a “nice guy”

Good Example:

Here you can see an example of the opposite. This guy has a framework and a purpose. Initially, it is to build a little investment and once he does that he shifts to getting her on a date. As you read through his interaction, notice that each message is focused on getting to the next step in the interaction – never once does he sway away from his purpose.

5. Sexualize the Conversation (But Do It the Right Way)

Being sexual in a smooth, calibrated way is great. It can make the woman very enthusiastic about meeting up with you. There is however, a fine line between being creepy/pushy and being sexually savvy. If you come on too strong or just mess up the sexualizationg you will lose attraction. Fortunately, we will show you how to do it the right way.

Bad Example:

This is hard to read. The girl was trolling him all along and he wasn’t able to pick up on it.. When she said something like “Lol enlighten me boy”, that was his cue to NOT sexualize and actually change the topic. She was laying out a thirst trap for him.

He should have instead called her out by simply asking “Boy?”. This would have made her reiterate that weird dynamic she’s trying to establish. When he responded with, “They get punishment,” he fell right into her trap. He took it even further with “Bitches cant speak during punishment.” Without any context this comes across as socially austic & creepy. Basically, he went from 0-100 in sexualizing the conversation, and then he took it even further, and naturally she ghosted him.

Good Example:

This is a massive difference. The sexualiation is very smooth & progressive. He sets up the topic by first asking her if she is open minded. Then he hits her with a truism, this is basically a statement that everyone is going to agree with. He also utilizes a lot of cold reads too make this convo more personal. This is an example of good sexualization and will make the girl much more excited about the date.

Conclusion

Utilize these 5 rules to text girls better and stand out from the competition. Remember, the majority of guys hitting her up have no idea what theyre doing so just by applying the advice in here you will have a big advantage. For more info and examples check out the video below 🙂