Guide to asking a girl out

So you’ve been talking to a cute girl and want to ask her out, but not sure how to proceed. If so, this guide is for you. I am going to show you the ways to ask a girl out that increase your chances of getting the date. There are multiple scenarios that we need to consider for which the advice will differ. We will look at those individually and then analyze some common patterns at the end

How to ask out a girl you met at a bar/club?

When it comes to real-life interactions, what you do leading up to asking her out is more important than the act itself. I recommend vibing with the girl for at least a few minutes. Flirt with her and try to build some sexual tension. Also, if she is with her friends, you want to try to isolate her, because otherwise, when you ask her out, she will feel judged by all her friends, lowering your chance of success

Now that you’ve flirted and are talking to her in a more private setting, it’s time to go for the date. At this point, I will typically say something like “we should get together for a drink sometime”. This is a low-pressure invitation that is very easy for the girl to agree to. From here, you want to get her phone number – the key is not to make it a big deal. I will literally take out my phone and give it to the girl while saying, “Cool, let me get your number“. That simple

Optional step: In addition, you can try to make more concrete plans right before/after getting the girl’s number. Ask her what days she’s free and lock something in right there and then. Personally, I rarely do this because I find that most girls aren’t cognizant of their schedule in the moment and will wind up rescheduling later on over text

How to ask out a girl from work?

It is important to preface this by mentioning that asking a girl out at work can get you in trouble with HR. That being said, according to a Psychology Today study, over 60% of people report having participated in a workplace romance, so it is very common. The key to meeting a girl at work, while minimizing risk, is to give yourself plausible deniability.

Avoid coming on too strong at work, and especially any heavy sexualization. Instead, take a more “chill approach” and invite her to grab drinks on the weekend. That’s it. If she says yes, then you can amp up the temperature on the date. If she says no, then just drop it and move on. It’s really as simple as that

Pro tip: Avoid saying anything sexual over text (unless you’ve had sex already). Text convos can very easily be used against you, so keep it chill there as well and save the escalation for when you’re with her on the date

How to ask out a girl at the gym?

Everyone has that one sexy girl who works out at their gym, whom they want to talk to. The gym can be a good place for meeting girls…if you play it smart. The biggest thing is, don’t constantly stare at the girl or start working out next to her. That all comes off as creepy. Instead, wait until she is not mid-set and go up to her.

Personally, I like starting very casually in the beginning. If I have seen her a few times before, I will say “Hey, I’ve seen you here a few times and wanted to come by and say hi”, while keeping strong eye contact. If it’s her first time, then I will do the inverse: “Hey, I’ve never seen you here before, so I wanted to come by and say hi“. The idea is to start off slow and casual.

Afterwards, I will just banter / lightly flirt with her for a minute or two. Remember, she is probably trying to get back to her workout (unless she is finished for the day), and you want to be cognisant of that. I will typically ask her out, by saying something like “Well, anyway, I better get back to my workout, but we should get together sometime soon and chat some more.”

Once she agrees, you hand over your phone and get her number. After which you will use some text game to set up the date (more on that later)

How to ask a girl out over text?

This applies to both online dating and all the previously mentioned scenarios. You got the girl’s number, but how do you get her on the date? Here are the steps you need to follow

Step 1: Build investment/vibe – This basically means get a bit of a convo going back and forth. Don’t just go from “hey, its John” to “are you free this Friday”. Here is an example of what I mean.

Step 2: Soft close – This means you get a girl to agree to the general idea of meeting up with you. An example of a soft close is “we should get together sometime soon“. The logic is that you don’t want to ask for too much compliance too fast. You want to build up to it. Here is an example from the same convo

Step 3: Figure out when she’s free – This is very straightforward. Now that she’s agreed to the general idea of meeting up, you want to figure out when exactly she’s free so that when you “hard close” she says yes. Example from the same convo below

Step 4: Hard close – This is when you set up concrete plans (i.e, “let’s do Tuesday at 8 pm“). A common mistake guys make is that they skip all the other steps and go straight to this one, but that approach will be significantly less effective. Example from the same convo below

Step 5: Confirm – Let’s say you set a date for a day or two from now, you would want to message her the morning of the date and confirm. A text I use is “hey still good for tonight“. If you fail to do this, a lot of the time the girl will assume you’re no longer interested and pre-emptively flake on you. If the date is set for more than 3 days out, then you wanna also want to message her with a playful reminder the night before. A text I use is “pick out a cute outfit for tomorrow yet :)”

Conclusion

Asking a girl out is pretty straightforward. The key is to be semi-strategic and not make it a big deal. It should be casual, something that’s as natural as two friends making plans to meet for beers. If you had built some attraction and followed the steps mentioned here, you will usually get a yes. After that, the real work begins….closing the deal. To learn more, check out our full guide on how to get laid. Or check out a more detailed video version on setting up a date below