Sup fellas! In this article, I’m going to go through a recent bad date I’ve had. I’ve had a few bad dates where I didn’t close the girl or something went wrong or I had to end it early for work. But, this one takes the prize in terms of the lessons.
And why should you care about one of my bad dates – one where I didn’t even have sex? Because the lessons from this date are extremely important for any man looking to improve himself. I think these lessons are something everyone who’s in this journey should realize at some point.
A bit of background for this one. I matched with this cute Indian girl on Bumble. I’ve actually never banged an Indian before (crazy right?) and hence I was determined to bang this girl. The texting was pretty straightforward and we didn’t talk much but went straight for logistics. She unmatched me after the date so I lost all the screenshots from Bumble (which was again pretty straightforward).
We set up a date and time and she shows up looking gorgeous. She looked even better in person. I was excited and couldn’t stop staring at her. I wanted to keep it simple and follow my structure of how I run my public dates. We grab a table and I sit diagonally. I’ve started doing that since sitting next to each other hurts my neck (lolz).
What Happened on the Date Itself
It started off pretty normal and laidback. A few jokes here and there. I do this to try and figure out the kind of humor the girl has and also helps me understand if I see her as a one-night stand or a girl I’d like to ideally retain.
The topics varied from platonic flatline to pretty sexual. She asked me about my job since she was intrigued about “sexologist” in my bio. And we were pretty graphic about our tastes in sex and what we like in our partner. But something seemed off. It was too logical. It was more of an information exchange.
This didn’t worry me since I can build tension instantly when the opportunity presents itself. I started noticing something. She would not respond to something flirty. She would change topics and get back to logic.
Trust me, I love being logical with girls… but not before the bang. She kept bringing up the fact that we were both Indian. We can address the elephant in the room but not the amount of times she was bringing it up.
She asked me questions like “What Indian weird things do your parents do with you” etc and then she proceeded to talk about a plumbing job her dad got done at the house. Don’t ever let the girl take the lead in the conversation. And I tried to change the topic. At first, subtly just ask a different question. Then a bit more harsh with “Hey. Can we talk about something else other than the fact that we’re Indian. We both know how our families are. So, let’s switch”.
She apologized a couple of times when I did this. But, then again just kept getting back into it. At some point, the window of opportunity to build tension was lost and I was starting to get annoyed by how logical she was being and it ended up becoming a Fresh and Fit debate towards the end.
It was a total of 3 hours that I spent with her grabbing 3 drinks. 3 hours of my time and money I will never get back. When the check came, I told her that we’d split. She obliged since she could tell I had lost all interest (also the other way around because I wasn’t fully into her). I went to the bathroom and when I returned, she goes “So, I gotta get going”. Funny how girls try to get their power back after a bad date. I smile politely and we part ways.
After the date, I kicked myself, and took the time to process what just happened. With that in mind, these are the lessons I can honestly say I learnt from this experience and what I will do better if history repeats itself.
Takeaways from My Bad Date
- You can’t fuck every girl: I had my ego tied up to banging this girl and hence I allowed myself to have a lapse in my judgment. No matter how much you work on your game, you can never get to a point where you fuck every girl you meet with – and that’s okay. You have to accept the fact that game is not an ABSOLUTE science. You can have a structure, you can build attraction, you can sexualize. But at the end of the day, it’s still a numbers game. The better you get, the higher percentage of the numbers you can close (but again, never 100%).
- Don’t be easily sold: The reason I spent 3 hours talking to a dead end lead was because I was sold easily. Her being gorgeous and unique felt enough for me to be won over. The fact that she was being very unreceptive to my escalation didn’t faze me. I was blinded to the fact that she was boring and to the important things in her life are with her family involved (she still lives with her parents). In other words, signals that she can’t actually easily let go and actually have a good time
- You cannot relate to everyone: You can’t like every person nor can every person like you. You can do your best to relate to a girl, but if you guys are not on the same wavelength, why sweat it? Accept the fact that it isn’t meant to be and move on
- Game will always have its ups and downs: Fucking girls and trying to connect with them will always have it’s ups and downs. I was on a 3 date closing streak from online dating going into this date and I had an inflated confidence that this experience humbled me and reminded me that you will also LOSE some.
What could I have done better?
- No expectations: I should have gone in with an open mind and not be too attached to wanting to fuck the girl. With more of a “Let’s see what she’s about” frame rather than. “I’m gonna bang this chick no matter what”.
- Be smart: When I realized that this girl was not someone I can close OR want to close, I should have called it quits after hour 1. In the end, it was unfair to myself and TO her since our time was wasted.
- Better screening: I should have been better at screening her over text. Chatted a bit more before setting up a date rather than jumping on the first opportunity to meet. I’d have screened her out early and not wasted my time/money.
Conclusion: Even Bad Dates Are Valuable
I didn’t get laid on this date, which can always be frustrating. But this is why we recommend that you make your goal be more than just getting laid. Growing as a man, learning about yourself, and improving yourself are really what the journey is about.
There are many things you can learn from my experience here and apply to your future dates. You can’t get with every girl you meet, you should never be easily sold on a woman, you can’t relate to everyone, and game will have its ups and downs.
But the most important lesson here is introspection. By taking the time to learn from your failures, you can “fail forward” and grow as a person.
Indian “Can’t close everyone” PE.