6 Dating Mistakes Men Make Because of Bad Advice

Dating advice has helped a lot of men – myself included. But here’s the uncomfortable truth:

But some of the most common advice floating around will absolutely mess you up if you follow it blindly. Not because dating advice itself is fake. But because certain ideas get misinterpreted, exaggerated, and taken to extremes.

Over time, those small misunderstandings compound into frustration:

• conversations dying out

• girls losing interest

• dates that never happen

• years of effort with little improvement

If you feel like you’re “doing everything right” but still not getting results, there’s a good chance you were taught rules that sound smart but don’t actually work in real life. Here are six pieces of advice that quietly ruin men’s success (and what actually works instead)

Last updated: February 2026

1. “Never Catch Feelings”

You hear this everywhere:

• “Don’t catch feelings.”

• “Stay detached.”

• “Care less than she does.”

There is a grain of truth here. Over-investing too early, especially when interest isn’t reciprocated, is one of the fastest ways to turn a woman off. But many guys take this idea too far.

They try to suppress all emotions entirely. But you cannot build a healthy relationship if you don’t allow yourself to develop feelings. There is a difference between emotional control and emotional avoidance

The real rule is not: Don’t develop feelings. It’s simply: Don’t fall for the wrong girl.

Look for qualities that actually matter long-term:

• honesty

• consistency

• emotional stability

• genuine interest in you

You want to proceed cautiously, rather than just not proceed at all

2. “If Your Game Is Good Enough, You Can Make It Work With Any Girl”

This idea sounds empowering on the surface, but it’s largely an ego-driven fantasy. Even the best dating coaches in the world cannot make things work with most women they meet.

Why?

Because attraction isn’t just about skill. It’s influenced by:

• timing

• compatibility

• her relationship status

• life circumstances

• emotional readiness

Many women already have boyfriends and contrary to what you might have heard, most are not willing to cheat with a stranger.

Most importantly, though, you shouldn’t be trying to make it work with every girl in the first place. Just like good salespeople don’t try to sell to everyone. They qualify prospects.

Dating works the same way. The best strategy is to screen for girls who are on the same page as you and then focus on the rest

Remember, there are nearly infinite women you could meet. But your time is very much finite

3. “Take Massive Action”

Old-school pickup communities repeated this constantly:

“Take massive action.”

And yes, volume helps. But many men misunderstand what kind of action actually leads to improvement. They go out constantly, repeat the same mistakes, and assume repetition alone will create progress.

It doesn’t. Incorrect action simply reinforces bad habits. You don’t improve from doing more reps. You improve from corrected reps.

Rather than go out and spend all your free time mass approaching, a better approach is to:

• Spend 1–2 focused hours approaching or socializing

• Reflect afterward

• Identify mistakes

• Adjust strategy next time

Pro Tip: Record audio of your approaches on your phone 

Listening back later reveals things you never notice in the moment: nervous tonality, talking too fast, interrupting, over-explaining, etc

Feedback turns effort into growth. Without feedback, you’ll just keep making the same mistakes over and over

4. Rigid Texting Rules That Kill Attraction

Few areas of dating suffer from worse advice than texting. You’ve probably heard rules like:

• “Never double text.”

• “Texting is only for setting plans.”

• “Never text too much.”

Each contains a bit of truth, but lacks crucial nuance.

Should You Ever Double Text?

It is true, you shouldn’t double-text out of anxiety an hour later. But a strategic follow-up days later?

In modern dating, that’s often essential. Many women are busy, distracted, or juggling conversations. A confident follow-up frequently revives attraction rather than hurting it.

I recently analyzed dozens of my conversations, and realized that in about 2/3 of them i had to double text at least once. Had I not been willing to do that, i would have missed out on the majority of my hookups…and even relationships. Here is an example

And yes, i did wind up meeting this girl. If you want to see the rest of the screenshots, check out my Being Persistent On Tinder LR. Remember, no follow-up often means missed opportunities.

Is Texting Only for Setting Plans?

This advice is outdated. Texting is now the primary means of communication for most women (especially those under 40). Many of whom want to feel some level of vibe or connection before meeting.

If you refuse to engage over text at all, she’ll simply move on to someone who is willing to play the game. If you want to see a good example of vibing over text, check out my How To Meet Polish Girls LR

How Much Should You Text?

The real rule is this: you want to generally match her level of investment.  So, if she sends paragraphs and you reply with one-word answers, she is gonna get turned off.

The only exception is if, in the beginning, she is a very dry texter, you may need to carry the conversation temporarily.

But long-term imbalance kills interest.

5. “Focus on the Process, Not the Results”

This comes from RSD (Real Social Dynamics) and may sound profound. But if you think about it, this logic wouldn’t apply to anything else

Imagine hiring a personal trainer for two years, seeing zero progress, and being told:

“It’s ok bro, just focus on the journey.”

Results are the ultimate form of feedback. And if outcomes aren’t improving, the process needs to change.

Early in college, I went out almost every night, yet had very little progress. After 4 years, my body count was still in the single digits. Then i discovered the pickup community and adopted better strategies. I accomplished significantly more in the next year then i did in the four leading up to it.

Effort matters. But directed effort matters far more.

6. “Looks Don’t Matter”

We once again turn to RSD for spreading this nonsense. Then the blackpill came along and started claiming looks are everything. Both are wrong. Here’s the truth:

Better-looking men generally have:

• easier initial attraction

• higher margin for error

• more opportunities

But looks alone rarely sustain attraction. You need good game

I was objectively better-looking earlier in college, yet had signficantly worse dating results because my social skills were horrible.

The reality sits in the middle: Looks open doors. Behavior determines outcomes.

The smartest strategy is simple. Maximize what you can control:

• fitness

• grooming

• style

• posture

• energy

 

Just like this guy did. And then stop obsessing over what you cannot control, like height or bone structure. Instead, focus that energy on developing your social skills

Why Most Dating Advice Fails Men?

Most bad dating advice shares one flaw. It turns helpful principles into rigid rules.

Dating isn’t math. Context matters. Timing matters. Individual differences matter.

The men who improve fastest aren’t the ones following rules blindly; they’re the ones learning underlying principles and adapting them to reality.

Good dating advice should make you:

• more aware

• more calibrated

• more socially intelligent

Not a pickup nerd.

Final Thoughts

If dating feels confusing, you are not alone. The internet is full of horrible dating tips. You need to learn how to tell the good from the bad. Fortunately, at Playing With Fire, I will always give you guys the raw truth

Go here next, if you want to learn how to text a girl, or check out my guide on how to get a girlfriend