There’s a lot of confusion in the manosphere, with guys struggling to know the right actions to take. This is because so-called “experts”, without any kind of credible authority or expertise, give advice mainly from what they heard/read somewhere.
The issue with that is when you consume the wrong kind of content and you apply it in real life with your relationships/dating, you may be hit with confirmation bias. Even if you actually tried something different and it gave you decent results, you will always fall back to your initial content you consumed.
When I first started off in game/pickup, I had no clue about women. Things like what women liked or responded to were a total mystery to me – I was literally a virgin until Aug 4th, 2017.
My initial content consumption was solely RSD. Like Alex has talked about before, RSD puts out a ton of myths that actually hurt guys. For a period of 10 months, I followed RSD and even did a Vegas immersion in Apr 2017. Yet, my results were just random drunk makeouts and pulling girls under a non-sexual frame – resulting in a lot of frustration (but not a lot of results).
5 Bad Beliefs I Was Taught by RSD
Before I share the most important things I’ve learned, I wanted to share five of the most bullshit things taught by the pickup community. These teachings are the ones that stopped me from getting results even after putting in immense amounts of work (7-8 hours of going out and approaching every night for months):
- Getting Into state – I used to focus solely on pumping my state up to get into “state”. And then talk to girls without understanding basic communication with them. Most girls would give me a very sweet rejection and in my head, I told myself “OMG! That was awesome. Did everyone see what I said?”.Now when I think back, the very act of “feeling good about yourself” is a very selfish mindset since you’re focusing on YOUR emotions and not how the girl is feeling or what your end goal is (which should be to fuck her and give her a great experience).
- Take massive amounts of action: This is good as long as it’s the right kind of action. Also, it’s important to do your post session debriefs about what went well and what went wrong. But if you take too much action, you mentally exhaust yourself and crash and burn. And when you’re burnt out and not getting results, you’ll end up going home to resent women each night.You need to be tactical. Be smart about approaching. Try, taking a step back and see what kind of information you can carry about her when you’re looking at her from a distance (non-creepily).
- Go for the pull with “after-party”: This is one of the biggest lies that went around for a while in the RSD community. Pulling a girl under the “after party” frame is terrible since she actually thinks she’s going back for drugs and alcohol and some cool DJ like David Guetta is going to be playing her favorite jam. So, say she actually wanted to bang you but you painted a bigger win for her to go to your house and now she will be disappointed and lose trust in you which you would have to work hard to gain back.
These days, I always go for a “wine” pull or “meet my pet” excuse. But today, the pull will NOT be the main focus of the interaction but just a way of giving plausible deniability that she came home to fuck.
- You shouldn’t talk about sex: There’s been quite a big myth about how talking about sex is not the optimal approach to banging a girl. I agree to a certain extent if sex is brought up logically and not in a way of building tension and getting sexual investment.
But, nowadays always will talk about sex or cold read her archetype of how she may be submissive in bed, for example.
- Looks don’t matter: I’m ending with the worst lie of all from RSD. This was purely a marketing tactic for them because if they truly knew something about game, they’d know looks definitely matter. If you don’t think they do, you are fighting a losing battle since the girl is just not going to notice you in any reality whatsoever.That’s not to say you can’t get laid as an average guy. There’s a similarly toxic mindset in other communities that if you’re not a “Chad,” you can’t get laid, which is also BS. But you MUST put effort into maximizing your appearances (diet, hitting the gym, fashion, etc.). Anyone who tells you otherwise is outright lying to you – and making you worse off for it.
4 Things I Wish I Knew When I Started Game
With these horrible myths debunked, I’ll go in depth of what I would tell myself in my virgin days so I didn’t get friendzoned hard by every girl I spoke to.
1. Women LOVE Sex
A good girl will be a “good girl” if you have unhealthy mindsets around sex to begin with. If you are judgemental about a woman’s body count or if she has any deep desires/fantasies. Women respond to authority. May it be sexual or non-sexual.
When you yourself create an environment where a girl can express her sexuality freely, she will gravitate towards you. Why? Because a woman WANTS TO FUCK – very likely more than you do – and be dominated. She will not get that if she shows her kinky side to a guy and only be judged for it. So, in terms of game, one thing that helped me a lot is sexually demonstrating value.
I’ve seen women’s eyes lit up when I’ve told them I love eating pussy or I know exactly how to make a girl squirt. If they are in dismay, or don’t believe, I’ve showed the guide I wrote. You don’t have to go to that extent, but you must confidently say you know how to make a girl squirt and cum. And on top of that never justify or defend yourself with “I know what I’m talking about. Okay?”
2. Attraction << Value:
What’s Value? Value can be a common denominator of what women find attractive in a man other than looks. Example: travel, boats, flying choppers or planes, luxury lifestyle, cooking, having a dog, etc.
But one of the biggest attraction triggers is preselection. What’s preselection? It’s simply the act of displaying that other women find you desirable. The key being other women who are of equal or higher quality in looks than she is.
This is actually extremely strong and I would tell my beginner self to show preselection with every single girl I met. Something as simple as “My ex was a model”, or “I only date models” plants a seed in the girl’s brain about comparing herself with the girls (paint a hot girl in her head). And girls operate on an emotional level. It flips the frame now that she has to be the one that wins you over and hopes to live up to your expectations when it comes to your preferences in women’s body type.
3. Maintaining Attraction
Once you have sex with a girl, it’s even playing field. Society teaches women to play hard to get and teaches men to be nice and sweet. Exactly the opposite of how it’s supposed to be, but that’s a world we live in right now.
When you have sex with a girl (we advocate as soon as the first date), there’s no more games/facades. You both can let go and relax with each other. Talk nerdy, shoot the shit, exchange likes/dislikes and actually be a decent human being to each other. Again, don’t be too saccharine or “feminine”/touchy to the girl; that’s her job.
The key is to have fun. Go to a sex shop together. Talk to each other about your fantasies. Go smoke hookah like you would with a friend. You DON’T have to “game” her anymore but just gotta make sure you’re not needy and it doesn’t feel like you like her too much or you cannot give her enough space.
If you like doing stuff, invite her if she is GENUINELY a good company you enjoy and you’re not doing it out of scarcity or not having anyone to go out with.
4. You’re not everyone’s type – and that’s okay
Every girl has a certain looks type, just like every human does. Lucky for you, all you need to do is get to the looks threshold of the girl you are talking to. In her eyes, if you reach average looking, that’s enough and then the rest can be taken care of with game.
Game and getting laid is about running volume. You can have the smoothest game but you will never EVER get to a level of closing every girl you talk to. The best guys in game still fail to close 10% of girls they talk to. The more action you take (the right kind), the more number closes/interactions you will run and the more results you will get.
Of course, again, working on your appearance matters here. The better you look, the more % of girls you will reach the looks threshold with. The lower down the ladder you are, the more volume (talking to more girls) to get the same amount of results. And trust me, it’s very much possible to get the same results if you’re an average looking guy, as a higher attractiveness guy. You just need to put in more effort and time and work sharper on your verbals/game structure.
But, do keep in mind that demonstrating value in more than one way again helps fill up the looks hierarchy gap.
Summary – My Primer on Women’s Psychology
If you’ve taken the time to read all of this, what are your key takeaways?
First, avoid RSD and other programs that try to teach “quick fixes,” bad beliefs, and wrong advice. It’s important that when you invest your time meeting women, you are doing so in a healthy, productive way that ensures you learn as quickly as possible.
Second, if you still think that looks don’t matter at all, you really need to get that out of your head. Work on fashion, grooming and your game to beat the odds. And if you have some insecurities that don’t let you fully believe in yourself, you need to work on those and not project them onto the girl like some YT Red pill podcasters do.
Indian “maximize your odds” PE.