What makes a good Tinder opener?
I get asked this question often. First, it’s important to understand that there are no magic openers out there. If a girl finds you very attractive, she will respond. If she just swiped right on you, because she was bored or thought your dog was cute, she most likely won’t. That being said, you can increase your chances of getting a response and ultimately getting laid, by having a good opener. Here are the two key principles to follow when crafting your first message on Tinder (or Bumble/Hinge/other dating apps):
1) Make it easy to respond to – Your opener should require as little mental effort as possible for the girl to respond to. For instance “tell me about yourself” requires the girl to think of a way to describe herself, what to say, what to leave out, etc. Girls don’t go on Tinder to think, so many will just move on to the next guy who is messaging them.
2) Establish the right dynamic – This point is slightly more complex. Aside from getting a response, the opener should be your first step in the “right direction”. For instance, you can write “hey cunt” and get a response but you will 9/10 times establish a negative dynamic. On the other other hand, you can write a detailed long message about yourself and also get a response, but you will establish a dynamic where you are the seller and she is the buyer, which will be hard to recover from later on.
So what is the dynamic you want to establish?
It is hard to put into words, but if you have gone through enough of my Love Reports on Playingfire.com you should be able to clearly feel it. It is: flirty, sexual, fun and one where you are the buyer, not the seller.
The opener is the beginning of that dynamic. It is much easier to start it off right, than to have to work to change it. Think about the dreaded friend zone. What’s easier to hook up with the girl: if you played it right from the start, or if you’re trying to bang her after you were friend zoned?
How about Tinder pickup lines?
There are million of them floating around on the internet. Some way better then others. However, if you ever look at a hot girl’s Tinder profile (I have gone through dozens), you will see that they get bombarded with pickup lines. This means, if you use a pick up line, right away you are blending in with the crowd. This lowers your chance of actually starting the conversation.
Furthermore, it rarely establishes the right dynamic. Most of the time, it puts you into the role of being “the entertainer”. The guy that will entertain the girl when she is bored, but who she doesn’t see as a “real person” and will never actually meet up with.
Note: You may be thinking, well what about this instance or that exception? Everything I write about here is based on averages, not absolutes. Anything can work, if you go through enough girls.
Here are some of the best Tinder openers:
1) “Hey Trouble”
This is my favorite time tested opener. Simple, fun, and low investment. Yet, unique enough to stand out from the crowd. Although, the last part is rapidly changing as more and more people “adopt” it. It playfully challenges the girl and creates a fun playful vibe.
2) Flirty Emoticon
Very simple and requires the least amount mental effort to respond to. Plus so low investment that it actually stands out from the crowd.
3) Unique Observation About One of Her Pictures
This one has by far the highest response rate, yet it is also trickier to get right. Women interpret everything as either a compliment or insult. Its black and white. You don’t want her to interpret your opener as an insult, otherwise you will get a negative response, or no response at all.
On the other hand, you don’t want your opener to sound like an obvious cliche compliment, because that’s what half the guys out there do and you will get lost in her sea of messages.
4) Get Her to Message you First
A girl who messages you first on Tinder is significantly more likely to meet up then a girl you message first. About 1/10 of my matches message me, but over 1/3 of my lays came from girls who sent me the first message
That is not to say, you should wait around forever hoping she makes the first move. However, you can increase your chances by having awesome pictures and a bio that hooks her attention. For a while, I was using a “50 Shades of Grey” style bio and was getting messages like this.
Word of Caution
Hopefully, I’ve given you enough information that you have a good understanding of how to open girls on Tinder. Make sure, you don’t get stuck on the opener. I will see tinder conversations, where guys use my “hey trouble” opener only to spend the next 3 pages of text having an intense debate with the girl about whether she is trouble or not. Move past the opener… onto banter, qualifying, and figuring out the logistics.
Check out the video version of this article here: https://youtu.be/uGQwS7xOauI