At this point, you might have read about Rollo Tomassi and his “9 Iron Rules.” If you follow our YouTube channel, you’ll know that we do NOT vouch for a lot of his Red Pill approach and his book The Rational Male. Although there is some good stuff, most of the content is quite harmful if you’re not able to discern some nuances.
We wanted to offer a better and more sensible 9 Iron Rules for men to follow. So in this blog post, I’m going to give you guys our own 9 Iron Rules to Killing It with Women. As always, we want everything to be no-BS and 100% practical.
This blog post is intended to be a step-by-step guide on our approach and insight into the way we (both Alex and I) think and go about our own dating. If there was a time machine, I would go back 10 years from now and give these 9 iron rules to my 21-year-old self.
As you read through these, take these as fundamental mindsets around which you should operate – as a man. This is not just with women, then, but also for life in general. If failure deters you even a bit, I would refer back and reassure to myself that this is what I must follow (“Under pain of death”).
Without further ado, these are the 9 Iron Rules of Playing with Fire:
Iron Rule 1: Never be a Victim
Never, ever ever be a victim. If you’re coming here from YouTube, you may have watched a lot of ‘black pill’ debates Alex has done (which often turn into coaching calls after 20 minutes). The one theme you’ll notice with these guys is that they always play the victim. It’s no surprise they get shit results with women: there’s a direct correlation to having the victim mindset and sucking with women.
In reality, being a victim is a very selfish way of thinking. Since your main focus is just you and how you feel. You give yourself excuses and constant reassurances as to why you may not be getting results in life (and in this context, with women). So even if all the best dating advice is given to you for FREE, you will still find excuses to not use these practical tangible steps and improve your situation.
Common symptoms of being a victim are complaining, comparing, taking away responsibility and blaming others. You’re a victim when you complain about your situation rather than doing something about it. If you always compare yourself with someone much better looking than you without doing anything about your situation, you’re a Victim.
If you pretend to accept a reality that has no other proof, and you believe that this IS the reason why you’re not doing great in your dating life, you’re a Victim.
“If this guy can do it, so can I”
The above mindset, in a nutshell, is how you get out of the victim mentality. Search for guys who are better than you and figure out the WHY. Once you do, strive towards that or even learn from the guy. There may be hardships to overcome but if you stop complaining about your failures and only focus on the successes, your ROI will gradually increase exponentially.
If you need someone you can start using this mindset with, start with me. I’m a bald skinny-fat Indian dude, and I am regularly getting the kind of pussy that most blackpillers would say “only Chads can get.”
Iron Rule 2: Stop Caring About What People Think
Stop giving a fuck how you are perceived. When you assume the negative about what people may think about you, then it’s going to discourage you from taking action. For example, you see a cute girl in the line at the coffee shop, if you think about the social pressure and fear the judgment of people in case you get rejected, you’re not going to take action and actually make the approach.
Instead, you’re going to imagine all the worst possible outcomes and never even find out if the girl would have been interested in you, if you just had the confidence to talk to her. When you care about what people think, you subconsciously become a people pleaser and are always going to be walking on eggshells. “Oh, what if my friends think this if I do that”?
Continuous exposure to these thoughts only increases your hesitation energy, and girls can sense that from a mile away. As the great Albert Einstein said “You hesitate, you masturbate” (jk lol)
Iron Rule 3: Run More Volume
If you’re not a super attractive (high SMV) dude, volume is what matters. If I could draw a graph, it would show that the higher SMV you have, the less volume you need to get laid. Conversely, the less SMV you have, the more volume you need to get laid. But no matter what your SMV is, the more volume you run, the more you will get laid.
Volume, by the way, means things like: How many different dating apps are you using? How often do you swipe? How many girls do you cold approach? In other words, the more places and opportunities you have for meeting women, the more volume you’re running.
I run about 2x/3x volume Alex does. Why? I am aware of my position on the SMV scale. Indian, with an accent who’s skinny fat. I could (and I do) get the same exact results as most high SMV guys get. But to accomplish this, I have to run a lot more volume.
A guy who is clearly an 8 on the SMV scale would need to match and interact with 20 girls to get 3-4 dates that week. Meanwhile, I would have to match with those 20 and approach at least 20-30 girls more to get the same amount of dates in that week.
Here’s the reality though, before you use this to support your victim mentality (see #1 again!): You can NEVER run enough volume. You can always expect some girls to flake last minute or some ex coming into the picture and a lot of external factors that could tamper with your results.
In the end, if you want to improve and have sex with more women, your main goal needs to be to maximize the interactions you’re having in a day.
Iron Rule 4: Always Improve Your SMV
This is one place where we actually agree with Rollo and the Red Pill ideology. You need to improve your SMV constantly. But it’s not because “you have to be a Chad to get laid.” It’s because being the best version of yourself is something a strong man does. And naturally, as you level up your SMV, you will get better quality girls and have to spend less time collecting leads.
If you are the best version of yourself, and you can feel it, you’re going to get better results. And not just with dating – across your entire life. The best investment you can make is in yourself. That could be hiring a personal trainer, chef, or even a nutritionist. Worst case scenario, you just get healthier and feel better about yourself when you look in the mirror
Iron Rule 5: Don’t Be Needy
Neediness is the biggest pussy dryer there is out of all the pussy driers. Neediness shows a lack of options. And, it doesn’t take rocket science to figure out no woman wants a man that isn’t desired by other women.
The moment a woman senses neediness, she will start losing respect and that’s when you will get answers that guys complain about all the time, like, “You’re a nice guy, but..” “I had a great time, but…” “I’m just not in a place where I can….”.
Even the highest SMV guys will lose girls just because they showed neediness and/or are more available to a girl than she is available to him. Once the first meet happens, the girl dictates the pace on how fast things should go. If the attraction is high, she will be more eager to meet you sooner. If not, it’s best to not constantly push her for a meet.
Girls chase ONLY when you give them space to. Get her to come up with reasons to hit you up. Let her come to terms with when she wants to meet you. If you did great in person and gave her good sex, she absolutely WILL.
Iron Rule 6: Fuck her Well!
Women, even though society denies it, are as sexual (and often even more sexual) as men. When you do fuck a girl, who moans more? Women do. When they cum, whose body moves more? Women’s. But because the game is not played on an even field before the sex happens, women have a lot more contingencies to sleep with someone than men do.
However, once you get the lay and give her a great experience, she will come back wanting more. Find ways to stand out in bed with girls you sleep with. Ask her fantasies, ask her desires. Ask her what turns her on. All these are questions that most men just don’t ask women.
And in case you think you can’t dose this because have a small dick or don’t last very long – fucking her well goes way beyond dick game. That’s why we’ve written amazing free guides for when it comes to foreplay, eating pussy, and making a girl squirt.
When you genuinely want to make a girl cum and please her without the “supplicating energy”, she is going to keep you in mind. She is going to bite her lip on the car ride home of how she got fucked and kept cumming continuously.
And sexual connection is one of the strongest and quickest ones to build when it comes to types of connections.
Iron Rule 7: Focus on Building Investment
When it comes to women, they are more mentally tuned to be with a man than a man. We go by visuals. For women, it can be visual, mental, emotional, and even time and effort. When you focus on making a girl invest more and more into you, the more she will want to get something back for that investment.
A great example would be the gambler’s fallacy. When you go to a casino with not giving a fuck about $200 and then you lose that, your first urge is to invest more and get that $200 back. That’s how casinos get the money out of you. People think that since they’ve lost for a while, they are now “due” to win.
The same applies here. Focus on getting her to come to you logistically, and do acts of service for you (like cooking, getting you something, cleaning, etc.). Getting her to open up mentally and sexually. You keep the mystery and get the girl to talk more and more every time you meet her. If you focus on all these AND give her good sex, she isn’t going to be able to resist you.
Iron Rule 8: Never Rush Into Commitment
Never rush into commitment. When you start off in game and are not very experienced, you will feel the urge to want to get into a relationship and maybe settle down. Especially when you “level up” and get a new girl who’s more attractive than the rest. But what ends up happening is you get needy and subconsciously apply pressure on the girl in wanting to commit.
The way I would go about this is that I would choose a quality girl from abundance rather than scarcity. What does that mean? I would first learn how to attract a variety of women and then choose from there. If instead, I rush into commitment due to a scarcity mindset (like not having a lot of women, or not having a lot of women who are as attractive as one woman), you’re going to try to “get what you can” and rush into commitment. This rushed commitment is why so many relationships end up shitty – and it’s also why people stick around in these shitty relationships because they think they can’t do better (scarcity mentality).
The girl should be the one who asks for the relationship and EARNS the relationship. You resist a bit and THEN finally give in. That’s where the most successful relationships come from.
Iron Rule 9: Don’t be a Pussy
When you ask a girl what attracts her in a guy, she almost always says “Be confident”. What she really really means by it is “Don’t be a pussy”. The trademark quality of a desirable man is that he goes for what he wants.
Let’s break that down. When a guy goes for what he wants, he isn’t afraid of rejection. He isn’t afraid to get that at any cost (consensually of course) – up to and including losing the girl. When there’s that drive to a man, a girl instantly gets turned on by that behaviour since it shows characteristics of a leader who can be the “protector” as well.
This can very well apply in any field of social dynamics. In business, if you’re worried about making the big decisions, you might end up losing money. If you take risks and actually follow through with the decision, you might actually have more of a chance of succeeding.
The same with friends. You will notice that if you’re a people pleaser and don’t say what’s on your mind, most people actually feel neutral about you. When you’re not a pussy, people tend to like you more and form genuine connections with you since they trust you’ll be honest about your intentions and not just pussyfoot around whether you may hurt the person or not because of what you say.
If you are a Rollo devotee, you’ll probably notice that these 9 Iron Rules are way different than his. And if you’re not a follower of his or don’t know about the red pill, I’ll be real with you: it’s for the best. These red pill mentalities ruin guys and leave them way worse off.
Remember, while other guys who clearly look better than me are sitting at home whining with their victim mentality, I’m the skinny-fat bald Indian guy who is having their dream girls to my “romantic patio for a glass of wine” and then giving them dozens of squirting orgasms.
The next time you’re down or in doubt, re-read these rules and think of me. If I can get these kinds of results, you absolutely can as well.