Chapter 6 – Writing Your Bio
This is the part guys commonly obsess over. As if a girl will ignore the fact that you are out of shape and dress like a kid because you have a magical bio. Or conversely, some of our clients will have a high SMV in real life, but have horrible pictures and hope that the bio alone will save them. Your bio is very important, but will not make up for terrible pictures. The saying “a picture is worth 1000 words” applies even more on Tinder. Working to achieve a high SMV and then getting great pictures is obviously crucial. However, there are things a bio can do:
- Screen – You can screen very mildly by throwing an innocuous sexual joke or as I do, very explicitly. I have a very explicit 50 Shades Of Grey style story in my bio to screen for submissive DTF girls (that is not a big category). However, keep in mind that this only works for me because my bio is very congruent with my pictures. Congruent enough with my behaviour in real life (I am very sexually confident). Also, keep in mind I live in Los Angeles. During my travels in Colombia, I was getting close to no matches with this bio and changed it to something a lot more innocuous.
- Make her curious & get her to message you first – A conversation where a girl messages you first is significantly more likely to lead to sex than one where you message first. Those are just the odds we’ve seen. For that reason, it makes sense to have a hook in your bio, something that makes it easy for her to think of something to message you first with. For me, my 50 Shades Of Grey bio serves that purpose. A girl who does swipe right on this bio has a lot of talking points to use to message me first: “did you write that yourself”, “is this real”, “how do I sign up?”, etc.
- DHV – This is a big one. On one hand, you don’t want to come off as if you are trying hard to list your accomplishments (to qualify for her). However, if you can slip in DHVs in a subtle, non-try hard way then you will get points. For instance, my bio DHV’s me in a few specific ways: it shows that I understand female sexuality, that I am a good writer and that I am bold & sexually confident. Sexual experience & confidence can create comfort & open girls up more sexually to you. I revised it numerous times based on feedback, to not only screen, but specifically tap into a woman’s sexual fantasies. If my bio was “looking for a girl I can fuck the shit out of” I would be screening just as hard, but I wouldn’t be DHVing myself or giving a girl as much of a reason to message me first.
** Another big DHV could be humour. If you can make a girl laugh with your bio without coming across as “try hard”, then you are going to get extra points. Humor & wit can imply high intelligence. There will be less worry of you being a creep.
- DLV. – Unfortunately, most bios I see don’t accomplish the first three. Instead, they DLV the person and lose matches that they might have gotten if they had just left everything blank. Common DLV examples in Bio’s I see are: Immature Guy humour that girls don’t get, over qualification (treating it like a resume), over investing (making it seem like you take tinder super seriously), talking about things that are creepy/weird, etc
The second bio screens a lot less, but still has enough of a sexual undertone to get rid of a good amount of prudes. Despite how short it is, there is plenty of nuggets for the girl to use to message first “where are you taking me?”, “I have a nice bum for you to hold”, “are you going to just kiss my neck”, etc. And it indirectly DHV’s the person by tapping into most girls fantasy of “having a hot guy stand behind them and hold them in some exotic destination while watching the sunset”.
The third bio doesn’t screen sexually, but screens for “funness/desire to party”. There is a strong correlation between girls who want to “party” and “hookup”. This is mild screening, but the person takes a different approach going for more of the “Exciting Professional” than “Bad Boy” tribe. As a result, he is likely to get more matches, but some of them won’t be DTF. The bio also gives a bunch of things for the girl to message first about like “what kind of music do you make?”, “what clubs do you DJ at?”, “can you take me to these parties?” and DHV’s based on having status in the nightlife scene. This type of bio will be especially effective for tourists who don’t know much about the scene but are looking to go out.
All three of these bios work, but they work because they are extremely congruent with each person. If I copied bio #3, girls would think “how is this guy a popular DJ but has no pics of himself partying or actually making music? He is probably a fuckboy who is trying to lure girls by seeming cool”. On the other hand, if the guy in the third bio copied my bio it would also be quite incongruent (although, a bit less so). Girls would think “this guy looks like a DJ, but all he is doing is talking about sex. He must not be that good because otherwise, he would already be getting plenty of girls. He is probably just trying to overcompensate”.
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Now, let’s take a look at some bad bios and examine the difference:
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By now you should be seeing a clear difference between a good bio and a bad bio. A good bio is succinct, exciting, DHV’s you and usually screens the girl in some way. Most importantly, a good bio is congruent to you and not the other 2000 people who buy this product. This is why copy and pasting my bio will only work for a small amount of people who give off a similar vibe. On the flip side a bad bio will be one or more of the following: needy, full of obvious or subtle DLV’s, too lengthy, corny/cheesy, nonsensical, boring, too “try-hard” and usually long-winded (TL;DR).
Here are specific things to consider when crafting your bio:
1) Your Vibe – this goes back to congruence. Do you give off a cool/musician vibe in your pictures? Then build off that. Do you look like a frat boy? Then cocky/funny humour. Mixed in with glimpses of “passion” might be your best bet.
2) Your Target Market – If you are an older guy, looking for girls your age, then talking about partying is not going to be that effective. On the other hand, If you are 18 and looking to bang girls at your university, don’t try to get too deep (unless you have the brooding musician look). There is a lot of universal overlap. Women are women at the end of the day. However, keep your target market in mind as well. For instance, if you are looking for dating/relationships you want to stay away from sexual talk, but focus more on humour and subtle DHVS, etc.
3) Your Location – I mentioned in the previous chapter that my 50 Shades Of Grey bio was not working in Colombia. That doesn’t mean I was going for a different type of girl or that girls in Colombia are less sexual (probably the opposite). However, that kind of directness comes off too uncalibrated in their culture. The girls there want to be romanced a little more before finally giving in. So I changed my bio to be more humorous and subtly DHV myself (love of travel, that I’m American, etc).
4) Your Strengths – This goes back to DHV’s. Most people have a few and sometimes they can be huge. I had a coaching client who had won a Grammy. I told him right away, we have to find a way to subtly include that in your profile in a non-try hard / non-bragging way. A common one that has a lot of value is travel. Travel implies a sense of adventure, financial freedom, knowledge of culture, etc. The key is to display your strengths & value. You don’t want your bio to sound like a resume. You can also heavily exaggerate to a degree. For instance, I speak English and Russian fluently and a bit of Spanish, but I might say “Tri-lingual” and if a girl asks what languages I speak I will say “English, Russian, and gringo Spanish” or I have traveled to maybe 10 or 11 countries in my life, but I will say “World traveler of 20 countries”. Online dating is incredibly competitive & most people exaggerate (or straight up lie).
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Let’s take a look at some case examples of my coaching clients and how I revamped their bio:
Case #1: John
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Mike was an average early 20’s kid who had just graduated from college and was working his first job in a new city. His profile was a complete mess though. It was extremely nonsensical, very hard to follow and screamed: “I’m a Nike kid that doesn’t get laid”. The whole thing was a giant DLV starting with the part about him missing his mom. First thing I did was look at his actual DHV’s. He had just moved to Seattle which is actually a DHV because it paints the picture that he might be a high-value guy who only needs to be on a dating site because he is new to the city and may get snatched up soon. It also gives girls an easy opener “where are you originally from?”. I threw in his height and the fact that he was bi-lingual. Then instead of listing his country, I had him put a flag of that country to make it more mysterious and to give girls another good reason to message him “what country is that flag?”.
Notice how in both cases I didn’t make the list of DHV’s seem try-hard or qualifying. Instead, It appears as the person is just sharing small aspects of their life, which just happens to be high value. Then with Mike for the hook, I modified a lyric from a famous TLC song “No Scrubs”. This will not resonate with every girl but is innocuous enough not to lose him matches. However, the ones who get it will find it quite funny. To add to the congruence, I had him make that song his anthem.
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