Chapter 4 – Tinder Overview
The two golden rules of making a great profile are simply:
- Portray your SMV to be as high as possible.
- Be congruent.
The overall impression here is that of a good looking bad boy who is sexually confident and experienced. According to the chart in the previous chapter, my SMV in real life is around a 6.5 in Los Angeles. With my profile I portray myself to be closer to an 8 (more muscular, high status job, good quality face pics, better fashion). Furthermore, everything looks extremely congruent. I doubt any girl has ever looked at my profile and thought something was off. However, if I had put a cute puppy pic in here it would be very incongruent with my 50 shades of grey bio. Girls would think how this guy is saying all this dirty sexual shit, but he is cuddling a little pug and looks like a total sweetheart. This doesn’t make sense. [/text_block]
Again the two golden rules of Tinder or essentially any online dating app is to portray as high of a SMV as possible and to be congruent. Following these two rules there are a variety of approaches one can take before deciding which one is right for you. Let’s examine what the market on Tinder is like:[/text_block]
- Expicitly dtf – These are the girls who are very sex positive and are completely unabashed about their desire to get laid or find fuck buddies. They are the most straightforward, but are also the smallest percentage and can be a little flaky. Two examples are here and here
- Implicitly dtf – These girls are looking for the same thing as the “explicitly dtf” girls, but they won’t outright admit it, instead they will hint at it (at least initially). They are either not as sexually liberated and are concerned about appearing like a slut. They find talking about sex outright to be “tacky” or “classless”. They might have “no hookups” in their profile or if you ask them what they are look for they might dodge the question. Two examples are here and here
- Subconsciously dtf – This is one step further. These girls want to fuck, but are in various stages of denial about it due to social conditioning. They likely won’t even admit to themselves that they want to get laid and thus say things like “I’m just looking for friends” or “just want a hiking buddy”. They will most likely not come straight to your place and will have a series of objections that you will need to handle. Example here
- Dating/Relationship Oriented – This is a big category. These are the girls whose primary motivation is not sex. They are on Tinder because they want a boyfriend. Some of them might be prude, others used to be in the first two categories and have grown tired of hookups.
- Time Wasters – The biggest category. These are the girls who have no intention of meeting up with you for any reason. They are on Tinder either for validation or to get more Instagram followers. They will give you short one word answers throughout the interaction, avoid investing and drop off as soon as you try to make plans.
These are generally the five categories of girls you will find on Tinder. Things are not always completely black and white. For instance, some “Dating/relationship” girls might make exceptions for guys they find to be particularly attractive. Some “Subconsciously dtf” girls might start turning into “implicitly dtf” girls as they grow attracted to you. Some “implicitly dtf” girls might start letting you in on their deepest sexual fantasies once they are confident you will not slut shame them…you get the picture.
Time Wasters and Dating/Relationship Oriented girls make up the overwhelming majority of girls on Tinder. If your goal is to get laid, then you are left with the “Explicitly dtf”, “Implicitly dtf” and “Subconsciously dtf” categories. It can help to think of these three on a spectrum. All the way to the left are the very sexually liberated and blunt girls and to the right are the girls who will go to great lengths to hide their sexuality from you and even themselves.
The harder you screen the more likely you are to lose girls in the “Subconsciously dtf” and possibly even the “implicitly dtf” girls. Take me for instance. On my Tinder I chose the approach of screening really hard. As a result, I undoubtedly lose A LOT of potential matches, but due to the fact that I live in a major U.S city (Los Angeles), I’m very congruent and have portrayed a fairly high SMV. I still get enough girls who pass through the net. On the other hand, with Bumble I screen significantly less, casting a much wider net. Initially, I tried having the same bio on Bumble, but would get low quality matches very sporadically. This is due to the fact that the girls on Bumble in general fall much more to the right on the “dtf spectrum”. It quickly became apparent that if I wanted to be successful on this medium, I couldn’t screen as hard.
When deciding what general approach to take, it is important to consider the following three factors:
1) Number of Matches/SMV – Do you have more matches then you know what to do with or are you struggling to get even one? If you are overwhelmed with matches and lack the time to talk and meet with all of them, then screening harder might be the right strategy. If the opposite is true then it’s important to keep the net as wide as possible.
2) Personality/Congruence – Everything must be congruent. You might be sexually dominant, but if you are smiling or look goofy in your pictures, then my 50 shades of grey bio will be extremely incongruent and result in very few matches.
3) Geography – This is a very important factor! I quickly learned this lesson during my trip to Colombia. The approach I successfully used in Los Angeles was not effective here. There is almost no “Explicitly dtf” girls. Yes, the women were just as sexual (if not more so), but yet when asked the vast majority of them were looking for “just friends”. I quickly toned down my profile and switched up my messages to cast a much wider net and as a result wound up sleeping with the huge pool of “subconsciously dtf” girls. More details here[/text_block]