Chapter 2 – Understanding How to Get Laid
Chapter 2 – Understanding How to Get Laid
There are primarily three components that determine your ability to get laid:
- Sexual Market Value (These are things like looks, fitness, fashion, money, status, etc)
- Game (your confidence, groundedness, social intuition, technical game knowledge/execution, etc)
- Momentum (is your life on an upwards projection or did you “peak” a long time ago)
Yep, that simple. Ability to get laid = SMV + Game + Momentum.
Now let’s break each one of these down and examine how they apply to online game.[/text_block]
This is the part of the formula that is most often ignored by PUA “gurus” and unproductively obsessed over by jaded/frustrated “ex-puas” or guys in the MGTOW movement.
The two extremes I often hear are “looks don’t matter! With enough game any guy can get any girl!” and “I’m Asian/Indian/ugly/fat thus I am fucked”. The first one, is the most ridiculous of the two, but is commonly told because it makes for the easiest marketing pitch. Think about it, as a company what’s easier to tell a guy who doesn’t have the sex life he want? That he needs to cut his ridiculous long hair, stop dressing like he’s in the 80’s and hit the gym everyday for a year or that his “inner game” isn’t good enough and that he needs 10 new exercises to conquer his approach anxiety? There’s always room for improvement and products to sell (Of course that isn’t to say inner game isn’t extremely important as well).
Disregarding SMV is not only unrealistic, but often damaging in the long-run. A good friend of mine is 5’9, mid 30s, average shape, average job and Asian. He dressed fashionably and had pretty decent game and social skills. In Los Angeles, a city filled with actors and models who spend hours every day focusing on their appearance, his SMV is around a 6. However, he would hit up the hottest nightclubs in LA 3-4 times a week and hit on models. Sometimes they’d ignore him, sometimes they’d chat with him, sometimes they’d even give him a number and once in a blue moon an 8 would have a one night stand with him. He was convinced the problem was his game and kept grinding it out night after night not seeing desired level of results. After a few years he grew frustrated, entered a neutral/negative momentum and quit game.
If my friend had not bought into the “looks don’t matter! Any guy can get any girl!” marketing pitch his story could’ve been completely different. He could’ve started hitting the gym 3x a week for a year and gotten a six pack and a lean body, which would’ve bumped his SMV by at least a point. Instead of hitting the hottest clubs, where he is competing with guys who have much higher SMV then him, he should’ve focused more on day game, dive bars and online where his SMV would be equal to the competition and his game could shine through. This would’ve resulted in him banging a lot more girls and instead of growing jaded/frustrated, he would’ve entered a positive momentum. This is just the beginning, using the positive momentum, he could’ve found a higher value job, taken his fitness to the next level, used the girls he was banging to build a good social circle and thus even further increase his SMV, etc.
This brings us to the second extreme: “I’m Asian/Indian/ugly/fat so I am fucked”. There is a partial truth to this. Asian, Indian, and ugly guys do on average have a lower SMV. However, there are also Asian, Indian, ugly & fat guys who fuck A LOT of hot girls. The big difference is that they don’t create a “victim mindset” because of things that they can’t control, but instead they actually work harder to improve all the things they can control. They hit the gym and get jacked (or just lose some weight & eat healthier), they get cool careers, travel, dress fashionably, etc. Through maximizing everything they can control their SMV often beats out the tall white guy who settles into a 9-5 and slowly becomes fat.
As you can see, SMV is important and largely in your control. Some people start higher, some start lower. It’s unfair. You can ignore it or you can bitch about it, but at the end of the day neither one of those will get you laid. Self-pity is counter-productive & very unattractive. The best course of action is to be honest and work hard to improve it. Take positive action! Not only will this increase your ability to get laid, but also the quality of your life in general. In the next chapter, we will discuss how to calculate your SMV and practical steps you can take to improve it both short term & long term.
Other Important Considerations
1) Your SMV will vary based on your target demographic and even further based on the specific girl in question. Everything talked about earlier is based on averages. However, individually to some girls you might be a 6 and to some you might be a 9. Every female has “her type” and places importance on different characteristics. For instance, a sorority girl on average will place more emphasis on a six pack than a milf who will on average place more emphasis on career. If you have a specific type, use this information to your advantage. For instance, if you are going after young college girls for one night stands, going to the gym and reaching a low body fat should be a big part of your strategy.
2) Your SMV will fluctuate based on your environment. Let’s use me as an example, I’m 5’11, Late 20s, white, have an above average face, and in decent shape. In Los Angeles, where all the models & actors live and constantly focus on improving their SMV, I might on average be a 6-6.5. In a middle America, I might average 7-7.5. However, in some third world countries (like the Phillipines), I would be closer to a 9. This explains why so many men that can’t get laid in America, suddenly bang a few above average local girls when they travel to Latin America or South East Asian. Unfortunately when they go back to their home town and can’t get laid they truly believe the problem is the local women! Instead of realizing that they were in a place where their SMV took an artificial boost and realizing they need to improve themselves to have the same results back home.
3) This effect holds true even on a more micro level. The most extreme example is fraternity guys from a big state school before and after graduation. During their college years they are on top of the social hierarchy and their SMV receives a huge boost and even though their game might be average they still fuck a lot of hot girls due to the artificially high SMV. They then graduate and move to a big city. No one gives a fuck about their fraternity there and their entry level job at a big corporation puts them at the bottom of the social hierarchy. Furthermore, the level of competition is a lot higher as a lot of the other guys have been consciously/subconsciously working on increasing their SMV and have also developed better game. As a result, the fraternity guys wind up struggling and bitching about how it is so much harder to get girls after college, but in reality they just got too used to having artificially high SMV due to high social status & low competition. They got way too comfortable and never felt the need to put in work to maintain or improve their SMV.
How SMV Works in Online Dating
A girl has very limited information to make her decision of your SMV. She doesn’t really know how athletic you are, how fashionable you are, if you are someone with high social status or just a nerd who lives in their mom’s basement. As a result, girls will think your SMV is whatever you portray it to be. An extreme example of this is a catfish. A guy might take a bunch of pictures in his profile of a male model. These pictures will likely also have an insane amount of social proof, leading to tons of matches and lots of girls wanting to meet up. This would not end well though, because as soon as he actually met up with the girl, they would flip the fuck out. In addition, he would soon find his profile banned.
However, most guys actually fall on the other end of the spectrum (often without realizing). They might be a “7” but portray their SMV to be a “4” through poor quality pictures and a ineffective, poorly written bio. I’ve seen this happen with the majority of my skype clients. There would be a decent looking guy on the other end with a lot of positive attributes (dj, musician, social connections, etc). However, none of this was being communicated in their profile and thus being perceived much lower lower than reality.
The optimal play is to portray your SMV a point or two higher than it actually is (through a combination of amazing pics, exaggeration, and a few other techniques/tricks). This way you maximize the quantity & quality of girls you match with, but don’t have any freakouts when it comes time to meeting up. This is where common sense applies. If you are 40, it’s ok to use pictures when you were 35, but don’t use pics when you were 25. If you used to be 8 % body fat, it’s ok to use those pics if you are currently 15% body fat, but don’t use them if you are 35% body fat. You get the gist I hope. Portray yourself to be a point or two higher, not a night and day difference. I will use myself as an example. To the left is a selfie I took of myself while writing this very sentence. To the right is the primary picture I use on tinder[/text_block]
In the subsequent chapters, we will examine exactly what you need to do to portray your SMV a point or two higher as I did. Again, common sense will apply here. Very few girls will fault you for using really good pics of yourself, but most won’t like if you are 40 and fat, but use pics when you were 20 and jacked.
So I am not fucked because I’m “ugly”?
In case you are ugly or have just convinced yourself that you are, the answer is NO. Vast majority of guys are able to get to a decent SMV through making some solid lifestyle changes. The “uglier” you are, the harder you will have to “work”, but it is doable. This will be explored a lot further in the next chapter. Combine that with the kick ass pictures that portray your SMV to be a point or two higher, awesome inner/outer game, strong momentum and you can do quite well. [/text_block]
- Outer/Technical game – i.e moving the interaction forward in the optimal way, knowing when to escalate, handling logistics, recognizing and handling objections, etc.
- Inner Game – i.e your confidence, composure, groundedness, entitlement, ability to self-amuse, freedom from outcome, etc.
Both are crucial and feed off each other. Furthermore, your game in general will be to an extent tied to your SMV and momentum. For instance, if a guy decides to increase his SMV by changing his wardrobe and hitting the gym, he will suddenly find girls being more receptive to him at the bar. This will give him more freedom from outcome, which will in turn result in him getting laid more. This will feed into his momentum and increase his entitlement, which will further increase his results. You get the picture.
In the next chapters, I will outline all the technical game you need to match, attract, meet, and fuck a lot of girls online, as well as some common inner game problems that will hold you back. That being said, true inner game is much harder to teach. It requires careful examination of behavioral patterns, letting go of past emotional traumas, self-awareness, etc. No product can do that for you. The good news is that for online game, technical game is more important than your inner game. This is one of those areas where you can do a significant amount “faking it till you make it”. For instance, through your pictures, bio, and messaging (outer game) you can get the girl to come straight to your place, you will likely close even if you are attached to the outcome and lack entitlement.
Furthermore, once you start getting results and entering abundance a good amount of inner game issues will start to take care of themselves (at least partially). For instance, if you develop a rotation of 3-4 hot girls, then you will likely feel a lot more confident and free from outcome next time you go to the bar or approach a girl during the day. That is not to say you still shouldn’t keep working on yourself in other ways (meditation, psycho-therapy, mindfulness, etc). [/text_block]
Let’s take a closer look at how momentum can play a role in your ability to get laid, using an analogy: Two identical twins who had same upbringing, same results with girls, same jobs, same everything.
Twin #1 discovers this website and realizes that his ability to get laid is within his control. He starts going to the gym, dressing more fashionably and gets a trendy haircut to increase his SMV. This leads to him getting more attention from the women at his office and increases his confidence. He has been reading my lay reports and feels inspired enough to get professional pictures taken and updates his Tinder. This results in him getting a higher quantity and quality of matches than he’s ever been used to. He goes on a few dates and sleeps with some.
This snaps him out of his daily daze and he starts becoming interested in self-development. He decides to buy my product and follows my strategies which results in him getting even more results on Tinder. This further increases his confidence and belief that he has control in his life. He starts weight lifting regularly, meditating and learning technical skills related to his job. As a result, his mind and body start performing better, his sales number at work increase and three months later he gets a promotion.
Twin #2 during the same time period, bored with his mundane day to day life he starts smoking weed and playing X-Box to distract himself. There’s a girl in his life that has always wanted him, she’s chubby and annoying, but he’s lonely so one night drunk and high he hooks up with her. One night turns into two and three and eventually he starts quasi-dating her. Perhaps he even makes a few attempts at living a healthier life. However his new girlfriend is always bringing home fast food and he quickly gives up and starts eating the same diet as her. This further kills his will power and he gives up going to the gym and his short-lived healthier lifestyle.
Aside from his lack of motivation, his mind and body start performing worse, which leads to his sales numbers decreasing. A few months later, he is demoted to a more “appropriate” territory and has to move to a more rural part of town. He is too far from all of his friends and feeling lonely, invites to have his girlfriend move in with him. Every evening they sit around eating junk food and watching reality tv.
Now put both of those twins on a date and who do you think will do better? The famous saying “success breeds more success” is cliché, but very true. An amazing book on this topic is “The Winner Effect” by Ian H Robertson. To quote Ian “Success changes the chemistry of the brain, making you more focused, smarter, more confident, and more aggressive. The effect is as strong as any drug. And the more you win, the more you will go on to win.”
So what should you do to develop positive momentum?
Learn and take action. By purchasing this product you have already taken a solid first step and are 10 times more likely to succeed (scientific fact!). Now you need to take even more action. Follow my suggestions and work on increasing your SMV short term & long term (outlined in the next chapter). Create an abundance of women in your life, don’t settle, keep pushing the bar. This product will teach you all you need to know, but it’s still up to you to not be lazy and take action.
Write down some goals for yourself, some easily attainable short term goals and some more complex long term goals. I’ve been writing down goals for myself for a long time and consider it extremely important. Keep reading. If you feel like you don’t have the time, just replace half of your “tv time” with “reading time”. Read autobiographies of other successful people. Their stories will open up your mind and allow you to dream bigger and create goals you were always too subconsciously scared to make.
Pursue a career you are passionate about and live somewhere that makes you happy. These things are obviously easier said than done. However, with enough patience and hard work they are very possible, just don’t let your fears hold you back. It wasn’t until I was 22 that I lived somewhere that I actually enjoyed (Los Angeles). I grew up in a small suburban town that I hated. However, one night I decided to buy a one-way plane ticket to the other side of the country. Never looked back. The career part took even longer for me. I worked in the corporate world for a while. I had mixed feelings about it, but ultimately grew to dislike it. Eventually, I saw an opportunity to get out and start something I was passionate about (Playing With Fire). It wasn’t the safest option. In fact, it was the most risky one (no guaranteed salary, big paper trail making going back to corporate world impossible, etc). However, I have zero regrets.[/text_block]