How to Get a Girlfriend: Step-by-Step Guide for Men

How to Get a Girlfriend?

In this guide, I’m going to share with you the 6 steps required to get the girlfriend you’ve always wanted. Some of this info will be things you’ve never heard before, since a lot of the traditional advice simply doesn’t work in 2025.

Unfortunately, most guys approach this completely backwards. They rush into relationships, settle too fast, or choose the wrong girl — and end up in a mess that eventually falls apart. This guide will help you avoid all those pitfalls and actually set yourself up for success.

Background on Me

For anyone who’s not familiar — growing up, I used to be a frustrated virgin. The idea of having a hot girlfriend who treated me well felt completely out of reach.

Fast forward to today: I’ve spent over a decade dating and sleeping with hundreds of girls from around the world. And for the last five years, I’ve been in a happy, long-term relationship with an amazing girlfriend.

Here’s a photo of us together, looking all cute and shit. 😎

Everything I’m about to share comes straight from experience — not theory.

Step 1: Quit Looking Like a Loser

When it comes to attraction, there are two extremes you’ll hear online:

“If you’re not a giga chad, you’ll never get a hot girlfriend.”
“Looks don’t matter, it’s all about what’s on the inside.”

The truth? It’s somewhere in the middle.

Focus on what’s within your control — fitness, grooming, and style — and forget what you can’t change.

When I came out of my “virgin phase,” I weighed 135 pounds and looked like a mess (photo on the left). Compare that to now (photo on the right) — all I did was put on muscle, grow a beard, and get a proper haircut.

That’s it. You don’t need surgery or Hollywood genetics — just optimization.

Here’s another example from one of my clients. His transformation didn’t even involve gaining muscle — just fixing his grooming and fashion. He went from looking like he had zero chance with women to actually being that guy.

So the lesson here: maximize your controllables. Small improvements compound into huge changes in how women see you.

Step 2: Don’t Try to “Get” a Girlfriend

Sounds counterintuitive, right?

But I knew a guy who was amazing at casual hookups — yet he always failed with the girls he wanted relationships with. Why? Because he put those “girlfriend material” girls on a pedestal.

He got nervous, needy, and lost all the confidence that made him attractive in the first place.

The fix? Stop chasing a girlfriend.

Adopt the mindset of: “If it happens, cool. But for now, I’m going to meet new girls, sleep with new girls, and see where things go.”

That relaxed energy is magnetic. Ironically, when you stop trying to get a girlfriend, that’s when it’s most likely to happen.

Step 3: Learn to Get Laid

A lot of guys want to skip this step — but it’s crucial. If you wife up the first girl who gives you attention, you’re almost guaranteed a disaster.

Getting good with women has less to do with money or looks than people think. I’ve met plenty of rich, good-looking guys who were terrible with women because they lacked confidence and social skills.

To improve your game, you need reps:

Approach women in real life.
Get on dating apps.
Go on dates.
Learn from rejection instead of avoiding it.

You’ll develop confidence and social calibration — the real foundations of success in dating.

If you’re serious about this, check out our How To Get Laid Guide and download our FireTexts app – it can really help you accelerate your progress

Step 4: Use the 37% Rule

The 37% rule is a simple math principle that applies surprisingly well to dating. It means: sample enough options before you commit, so you can make the best long-term choice.

Here’s how it applies: most guys settle for the first or second girl who sleeps with them — not because she’s right for them, but because they’re desperate for validation.

Instead, once you can attract and sleep with women consistently, turn a few of those girls into friends-with-benefits (FWBs). That gives you time to really evaluate compatibility.

To do that successfully:

Be great in bed – Make sure she orgasms — ideally more than once. Sexual satisfaction is a major differentiator.
Don’t make her feel used. – Text her something like “Had a great time with you 😊” afterward. Cuddle, talk — build connection.
Don’t be needy. – Stay confident and chill. Don’t chase or over-text or in person
Set up the next date soon. – Ideally within a week. Keep the momentum strong.

By doing this, you’re dating from abundance — not scarcity — and setting yourself up for a relationship that you actually choose.

Step 5: Never Think With Your Dick

Once you’ve got multiple FWBs, it’s time to screen for one who is girlfriend material.

Don’t just pick the hottest one, but focus on the traits that matter to you. I recommend listing them out. For example, for me its:

Intelligence
Sense of humor
Integrity
Loyalty
Emotional stability

So take a bit of time and think about which ones are important to you. Also, pay attention to red flags. Some very common ones are: dishonesty, victim mindset, manipulation, jealousy, and constant drama.

Now, most people online will tell you to separate girls into either “Just casual” and “GF material” categories when you meet them. This is horrible advice, though, because you have no way of knowing whether she is GF material after a few dates. You really need months of hanging out to truly determine this

Picking from your FWB pool is smart because you’ve already spent real time with them — long enough to see who they truly are. Also, it prevents you from “thinking with your dick” because you have already had sex. A lot of that happens on a subconscious level, guys start dating girls primarily cause they want to sleep with them without even realizing it

Step 6: Be the Chooser

When you find a girl who has the qualities you’re looking for and shows none of the red flags previously mentioned, it’s time to talk about where things are headed.

Ideally, she brings up the “girlfriend talk” — but if not, it’s fine for you to initiate.
Something simple like:

“Hey, I just wanted to say I really enjoy our time together.”

Then pause, see how she responds, and go from there.

From here, set your boundaries and expectations clearly. And I’ll be honest, for most people, I recommend monogamy because I find that a one-way open relationship only works if the girl doesn’t have a jealous bone in her body, which is not going to be the majority of women.

Also, it’s very important to have clear communication. Whenever something’s bothering you or her, you should be able to talk to her and vice versa. Sometimes when my girlfriend just looks like she’s pissed off, I’ll be the one who pre-emptively brings it up.

“Hey, you look, something looks like it’s bothering you. What’s up?”

Because you really want to just nip this stuff in the butt before it starts to fester and turns into resentment, which is the number one relationship killer.

My Story: How I Met My Girlfriend

Wanted to end off this guide by sharing my personal story of meeting my girlfriend, who is truly the love of my life (as corny as it sounds)
And I followed everything in this guide to a

We met on Bumble. At first, it was purely sexual — we were just having fun, great sexual chemistry, no expectations.

But over time, I realized she had all the traits I valued: loyalty, humor, emotional maturity, and minimal drama. In addition, I learned about how much she goes above and beyond for her friends & family and began admiring that.

After about a year of casual sex, she brought up the relationship talk. At this point, we both knew each other extremely well. Now, it wasn’t 100% smooth sailing. Boundaries weren’t established as clearly as they should have been, and I violated one of hers in the begining. But I learned from these mistakes, and our relationship grew

Now, years later, we have a relationship built on trust, respect, and deep connection.

That’s what you want — not just a girlfriend, but the right girlfriend.

Final Thoughts

Getting a girlfriend isn’t about luck, height, or money.

It’s about improving yourself, building confidence, dating from abundance, and being intentional with your choices.

Follow these six steps, and you won’t just “get a girlfriend” — you’ll attract a woman who genuinely adds value to your life.