How Can I Become More Alpha?
In the pickup community and for men, in general, this question is very common. I watched a video while back about how the real reason most guys suck with women is simply that deep down inside they’re a pussy (or too beta). It’s harsh but true
One of the biggest inner game issues for guys is simply that they’re too beta. I’ve gone out with alpha guys who don’t know shit about game and they fuck up a lot by coming on too strong sometimes or getting too reactive, but at the end of the day their actual results are still way better than those of a beta guy who knows every pickup theory known to man (assuming we control for looks and other factors)
You can see the point I’m trying to make here if you want to be more successful with women you HAVE to become more alpha. There’s no way around it. It’s hard to define the word “alpha”, but when you see it you know it.
It’s a man who isn’t afraid to go for what he wants regardless of what people think or how scary or uncomfortable it is.
Its a man who has boundaries and isn’t afraid to stand up for himself & walk away from any relationship when those boundaries aren’t being respected
It’s a man who isn’t afraid to lead. And stand up for what he feels is right, regardless of how many people are against him
It’s a man who isn’t afraid to be himself or say what’s on his mind even if it offends someone or creates conflict
The common theme here is fear. An alpha either has less fear or can consistently overcome his fears and doesn’t let them hinder him. For a good example, check out the show Californication, Hank Moody is the epitome of a modern Alpha Man
Unfortunately, there are also several misconceptions about “being alpha” that are important to address
“You’re either Alpha or Beta”
A lot of people think you’re either alpha or beta. There’s no middle ground. That’s total bullshit. Everyone is a little bit of a pussy with certain things. For instance, I’m a giant bitch with low sleep. If I sleep 5 -6 hours I complain like a teenage girl. And I know plenty of guys who are super alpha at work, but giant pussies when it comes to girls. There’s a whole lot of middle ground, the goal isn’t to become 100% alpha with everything. That wouldn’t even be possible. It’s to become sufficiently alpha in things that matter (women, business, fitness, general interactions, approach to life, etc).
“Being Alpha mean being a dick”
Some people think alpha behavior is being the loudest guy in the room or always getting into fights, but that’s actually very much beta behavior because it comes from a place of insecurity. An alpha doesn’t need to always win an argument or get into fights over trivial nonsense, because he doesn’t need to prove anything to anyone. That being said, an alpha will still always stand up for himself and not fear conflict
“Alphas only care about themselves”
Also nonsense. Being an alpha is NOT the same as being a narcissist (although some people are both). Caring about friends, family, and the girls you date doesn’t make you any less alpha. It makes you a decent human being.
Now, let’s take a look at how anyone and everyone can become more alpha. I’m going to break these up in two big categories. They’re mutually inclusive and both play a big role together
1) Get Jacked – It’s true, having more muscle will typically make you more alpha. It comes down to this, when you’re jacked, men and women will treat you more like an Alpha male and when people treat you a certain way, you tend to naturally play that role. Also, on a primal level being strong and having muscle will make you feel more secure and less afraid of this or that. If you can bench press 300lb you’re much less likely to worry about being “amoged”.
Now, of course, it is possible to be skinny or fat and still be extremely alpha, it’s just harder. Typically, those guys grew up as an alpha. But you’re trying to change your default operating system so it’s key to stack the odds in your favor
2) Tattoos – Well done Tattoos will have a similar effect to the muscle (although, not as much). Tattoos make you look more badass and thus people treat you like more of a badass. This is less important then getting jacked, so if you truly don’t like the way tattoos look then don’t feel like you have to get one. But, if you like tattoos but have been putting off getting one for some bullshit reason you came up with, then that’s a different story. (Hint: Your family not liking it, is not a valid reason)
3) Financial independence – This is also very important. It’s a lot harder to feel & act alpha when you have a boss constantly riding your ass or you have to act subservient for 40 hours a week. It’s not the money that makes you alpha, it’s the financial independence, which you don’t need to be even that well off to have. The ideal is to do something where you are your own boss (having a business, consultant, making music, etc) and can live a somewhat comfortable life (in terms of money)
1) Conquering your fears – If I had to pick the most important point on this list, it would be this. Especially, since everything else ties into it. There’s no way you can be alpha if you let your fear prevent you from taking action and dictate what you do and what you don’t do. And fear comes in many different forms. Approach anxiety is fear. Not asking for a girl’s number is fear. Not making a move is fear. Not getting a tattoo that you want because you’re worried about what your parents will say is fear. Not pursuing the career you want is usually fear. You get the picture.
Fear is normal and natural. We all evolved to have it. Some of us have a lot more than others due to genetics and upbringing, but you can’t change that. What you can change is how much you let that fear control you. Believe it or not, I was a big pussy when it came to girls for the majority of my life. One instance, I’ll never forget. In college, I had a girl who I had a big crush on literally sleeping over next to me in my bed. And I didn’t even make a move. Fear stopped me from doing what I wanted and ironically what she wanted
Here is the good news, you can rewire your brain by consistently overcoming your fears. Of course, the first time you do it, it will feel like death. But, after a while, it will just feel like taking a cold shower. Mildly uncomfortable at first, but worth it afterward. The key is self-awareness and right action. You need to realize when fear is holding you back (most situations) and then force yourself to do that thing anyway, especially with women. By doing that repeatedly, over time you will naturally have less and less fear, which will make you more alpha and generally increase your natural confidence
2) Desensitization – This goes hand in hand with the previous point. It’s important to desensitize yourself to uncomfortable situations. Think about it this way, if you’re scared to ask for a girls number and I have you spend a month going up to hot girls every single day asking them “if they want to fuck”, then after a month when you go up to ask a girl for her number it’s gonna feel as easy as texting your friend. There is a challenge like that, it’s called demonic confidence. I did it when I was first getting into the game and it helped me break through a lot of my approach anxiety.
Another big issue I had when I was stuck in “intermediate purgatory” was that I was banging less then half of the girls I pulled back to my place. The issue boiled down to a fear of escalation, which would cause me to overcompensate and be clumsy and lack that calm sexual energy that women love. Then, I watched a video about whipping your dick out (obviously only if the girl is into you). I was fucking terrified of doing it but I tried it anyway. And, the chick got super turned on. After several months, of the “whip your dick out” approach, my fear of escalation essentially disappeared and the number of girls who I slept with after pulling, significantly increased
3) Being comfortable with yourself – An alpha is fully at ease with himself. This means he’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind or make a joke. He’s not apologetic about his actions, nor does he need to overcompensate or put on a shtick. This isn’t going to happen overnight, but with enough time and effort, you can grow to be more & more comfortable with your true self. I won’t say too much about this one since I’ve already done a very detailed write up about this point. Article here
So now you know the truth about what it means to be alpha and a blueprint of how to get there. This may seem like a lot of work. And that’s because it is. Deep identity level change won’t happen with a seminar or a product. And it won’t happen overnight. It takes time and action, but in the end, it’s worth it, not just because it will increase your success with women, but also because it will make you a much happier & successful person