First, let’s clear all the wrong connotations that come along with when you hear the word “Dominant”. And not just that, but also have a clear understanding of how to be more Dominant with your day-to-day life AND your dating life.
Definition of dominant according to the internet is most powerful, important, or influential. That does not give us much to go with, does it? I can go in depth with what the definition is supposed to be, since this is not a quality you can develop in a week or so but only understand the basics to build a lifestyle on top of it.
Firstly, What’s NOT dominant:
When the word comes to mind, a lot of people think that being dominant means to be able to overpower someone, ABSOLUTELY NOT! There’s some other qualities people associate with being dominant. Those are:
- Possessive/Pushy: Being dominant isn’t about being possessive or constantly asserting your opinion or dictating other people’s actions. This will come across try hard and instantly turn away friends/dating prospects thinking you’re insecure that you constantly have the need to assert yourself
- Aggressive: Trying to get physical with everyone and trying to be the “better” man will again just turn off a lot of women since it comes across that you’re scared of judgement from everyone and that you need to prove yourself
- Arguing: Always having an opinion and not trying to change it no matter how many facts are presented in front of you.
- Bitterness: Being bitter and butthurt for not getting your way is not dominant. It’s playing a victim which will make you come across weak
All of the above qualities can usually be dictated by low self-esteem and projecting it onto other people will definitely not help you be more dominant
So, what does BEING dominant mean? It’s simple, yet complicated. I can just give you a short-ish description and go deeper with all the qualities that come along with it.
DOMINANT means being relaxed and collected in ANY situation. Nothing external can bring you down. You have an inner strong foundation which will not EVER be dictated by something thrown at you. You are a LEADER and everyone follows. Not because you make them but because they feel at ease by giving you the lead. You’re an AUTHORITATIVE figure in life, money and lifestyle. (it’s okay if you are not…yet!). You are someone who goes into things with everyone’s well-being in mind. You’re DECISIVE. You make the decisions to avoid confusion among your peers.
Qualities in depth:
- LEADER: What does this mean? It’s simple! When humans were still part of tribes back in the primitive era, there was just 1 leader for each tribe. And this is the guy who collected food, explored regions to find warm caves for the whole tribe to stay. Everyone just blindly followed him since they know he has everything under control
- CALM: No matter what happens, a dominant man is not affected emotionally. He knows that everything will fall into place on it’s own. So, he can just brush things off with a smirk on his face
- AUTHORITY: This is a spinoff of being a leader. But, essentially, you are the one they come to advice for since you give off the impression that you know it all and you’ve seen it all. Definitely, not in an arrogant way. And when you give advice, it comes from a place where you WANT with all your heart, the good of the other person
- DECISIVE: When you go out to a bar or a restaurant, just sit and observe different groups. It’s very clear who made the decision to go there and it seems like that person has been to the restaurant a 100 times before and tells what’s good there so people can make their decision quickly.
All these qualities are built over time and experience. And not just experience with one group since you know them inside out. You develop these qualities by being part of different groups. That way, you can observe the alpha/dominant in each of these groups and learn from them. Try and understand why he is the alpha
And how to LEARN how to be dominant??. Don’t you worry! I’ll give you the right steps to move towards the right direction. Each of these qualities come with practice and the right kind of exposure.
- LEADING: When you’re with friends, practice suggesting places to go to. Or things to do. Voice your opinions and express your emotions/thoughts. The key is to not be demanding or pushy. You want people to feel at ease around you because they know you will lead them to good things/times and have the best of interest of the group at heart (not just yourself)
- BEING CALM: This comes with exposure to different situations. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone for things. You could take up a hobby, or lift a heavier weight. Think of it as “inner piece” from Kung-fu panda. Nothing can affect that but yourself. Meditation will also help this massively since it helps you have longer breaths that relaxes your body. Ever seen a guy in a nightclub who looks like he got his shit together? That’s only because he has a relaxing body language and is calm. Practice going to chaotic places and observe your own body language. Rest yourself on your heels and not toes. Slow down your body movements. And practice this regularlyWhen it comes to meditation, be very conscious when you do. How your breathing is changing by any thought that distracts you. And try bringing it back to default. This is how you learn how to control your breathing in the worst of situations. You focus on getting into your body rather than your mind and you’ll become more grounded
- AUTHORITY: Same as 1); When you’re with friends and in a situation that presents itself where you know more than them, inject yourself with a calm tonality and present the facts you know about the specific topic. The more profound and knowledgeable you sound, the lesser they doubt you on it and they WILL come to you for advice. This again needs to be practiced until they have the impression they can come to you for advice no matter what aspect of their lives. This is how you influence people.
- DECISIVE: This can be practiced with both yourself AND with a group. In your day to day life, whenever you are undecided about what to do, or what to get at a restaurant, you make a snap decision for whatever that comes to your mind. You may love it, or hate it. But, following through with your decision will just re-inforce in your mind that you’re looking after your best interests. And when you’re with a group, you see them pondering over decisions to make, suggest a solution and let them take it or leave it. Eventually, you will be able to make the decisions for them and they’d be happy to let you do that
- BOUNDARIES: LASTLY, but most importantly, a dominant man knows exactly what he likes and dislikes. He has a few strong boundaries that CANNOT be stepped on by anyone in his life. These boundaries, for example could be anything. For example, Disrespect to you or your time. If people do step on this boundary, the way you communicate also makes a massive difference “Hey! That wasn’t cool and I’d really appreciate it if you don’t do that again”. Of course with a smirk 😉
Now, you may think that being dominant equals being strong. And often there is a correlation, if you can lift very heavy weights you will have a leg up over a weakling. But, there are exceptions as well. You may notice that some of the guys who have a good physique, are actually giant pussies / pushovers around women. That’s because, even though they look dominant physically, they aren’t internally.
Dominant is also associated with sexuality. So, let me expand on this as I know a lot of guys are still confused with this
Behind closed doors, dominant:
Being sexually dominant means you have no problems taking control in bed. This allows the woman to “surrender” and connect much more with her inner submissive (which she will love). Same rules as previously apply. You shouldn’t demand this surrender. Instead, a woman should want to surrender to you because she knows you have the “groups” (her and you) best interests at heart. And doing so, will be beneficial for you. She trusts and respects you
- Kinky: Women can be extremely kinky but they look to you for permission. If you’re dominant enough and non-judgemental, she can express her kinks. You can explore your own kinks by trying different things. Look up toys and restraints. Tying up a girl is a great way to have complete control over her. At first, she may not be comfortable if you’re not dominant enough or she doesn’t trust you, but repetition will be your friend
- Physical: Most women love being spanked, choked and have their hair pulled. This is a way of showing passion through “dominance”. She’ll appreciate it if you’re rough during sex and gentle after. Women love being physically dominated during sex since they’re biologically wired to. When it was “caveman” days, there was no game, etc. Alphas used to aggressively pick up girls and take them to the cave to do as they pleased. This translates to being turned on by the whole BDSM aspect. I recommend you also look it up since most women are curious about it and want to explore it with an open minded guy
- Sexual Prowess: The more experience you gather in sex with different type of women, the more sexual prowess you can show. You could almost expect what kind of sex a girl would crave and she’d love to be read like that and actually shown a good fuckin time.
- Eat Pussy: Men think it’s not a dominant trait. I strongly disagree. It’s just another aspect of sex which, when done right can make her cum easily and she’d be at her most submissive after. Think of it as you having the power of giving or denying her pleasure
Hope that helps,