You’ve just had a wonderful time with a girl.
The flirtation’s been great. You feel a crackling connection. And of course, you cannot wait to get this girl’s clothes off.
She’s back at your place, you’ve poured her a glass of wine (or water, which is actually my recommendation), and you’re ginning yourself up to kiss her.
Yet, rolling around in the back of your mind, there’s a certain anxiety.
The cause of it? Well, you’ve had girls at your place before, whom you’ve started to kiss, before you heard that dreaded phase: “I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“I have to get going.”
Yet, it doesn’t have to be this way.
There’s a certain methodology to escalation. If you get the right approach down, you can almost eliminate girls ditching you in the final stretch.
Then, instead of listening to, “Sorry, I have to go,” you’ll be serenaded by soft moans and lusty breaths as your sweat mingles with hers.
To get you to this point, today I’ll lay out women’s four (4) biggest “bedroom blockers.”
Once you’ve understood them, I’ll show you how to get past them, so you can start getting new girls in bed without all that last minute resistance.
Getting Girls in Bed: It’s More Than Just Physical
Guys go through this whole long process with girls where they meet them, flirt with them, plan dates with them, run the date, flirting and connecting the whole time, and at long last get them home.
The whole time, they’re flirtatious and bonding and joking and touching and doing this entire seduction process, where it’s very well thought out and creates this great vibe for the girl.
Then they get her back alone with them and turn into dumb cavemen. “Ooga booga begs, time to spread those legs!”
The average guy can usually look at his dating, which is generally going to be savvy enough, then look at his escalation, and realize his basic approach is mostly just “steam roll her with touch and sexy eye contact.”
That might be enough for some girls, but with a lot of girls it ignores too much.
There’s a lot of stuff that SPOOKS girls in the bedroom.
Girls get skittish as they draw closer to your bed chambers.
I went into a lot of detail on why that is and the psychology of how a woman approaches sex in my article on how to get a girl in bed.
If you haven’t read that yet, I recommend that first, as a prerequisite for what we’re about to cover.
You can think of this as a “how to get her into bed, part 2.”
Read it yet?
At this point, you have an understanding that there is a huge MENTAL component to a woman accepting (or even pursuing) sex with you.
Sex is a big deal to women… bigger than it is to men.
That doesn’t mean a woman can’t have a lot of sex with a lot of different men. Or that you can’t get even the stuffiest girl to hook up on Date #1 (in fact, getting girls like that to hook up that way is a focus of what I teach!).
What it does mean is you must be zeroed in on handling the escalation within her mind at the same time you escalate on her body.
To give you a better handle on that, we’re going to look at the four (4) biggest things that BLOCK you from getting new girls in bed.
After we cover those, you’ll have a much clearer idea of women’s bedroom apprehensions.
From there, we’ll talk about how to put those worries at ease (and get girls to eagerly leap between the sheets with you).
Women’s 4 Big Bedroom “Blockers”
Women have four things (mentally) that impede their ability to just hop into bed with a new guy. There are other, smaller things – but these are the big four.
If you can clear these four away, you are most of the way there already to bedding that new girl you’ve just brought home.
Her four psychological bedroom blockers are:
- She doesn’t want to feel cornered/pushed
- She doesn’t want to feel devalued/used
- She doesn’t want to risk any rejection
- She doesn’t want to feel things are boring/predictable
Let’s have a closer look at each one of these sexual psychological inhibitors.
#1: “What If I’m Cornered/Pushed?”
No matter how nice and harmless a guy you are, no matter how much trust you’ve built with her (unless it’s a LOT, built in just the right way – which we won’t cover in this article), the fact is you’re bigger than her.
Or, I mean, even if you’re a shorty and she’s a tall model-esque chick, even then you can still probably overpower her. Men have bigger, denser, stronger muscles than women; even taller women.
In the back of every girl’s head as she enters a new man’s place is the risk of physical harm, coercion, or being overpowered.
This is all a bit overblown in the media right now and there’s a sort of sex assault witch hunt going on. We’re not talking about that – we’re not talking about women hooking up with men and regretting it and backwards rationalizing that they didn’t want it later.
Rather, what we’re talking about is that a lot of women have gone to men’s places, decided they “weren’t feeling it”, then had those men get awkward, angry, or imposing, and start trying to pressure the girl into staying, or started grabbing her, or otherwise made it tricky for her to leave.
Women don’t like this feeling. Even if nothing really bad has ever happened to them (and for most of them, it really hasn’t), they still know there’s some risk there and it doesn’t feel good.
As you start to escalate, one of the fears that starts racing through most women’s heads is, “What if I decide I don’t like this? What if I want to slow down? How will he react?”
And – and this is perhaps the most important part – just like you, when you get in your head around a woman, when she gets in her head like this with you, it’s a whole lot harder for you to turn her on.
She isn’t focused on what you’re doing.
She’s focused on her worries and concerns.
She’s blocked from getting totally into it.
“If I put out now, will he lose respect for me?”
The fact is, some guys do. Actually a lot of guys do.
I personally don’t. If a girl hooks up with me quickly, I think to myself, “Hmm! Now here is a very intelligent girl. She knows a man worth getting her hooks into while she has the chance!”
However, I have known guys who as soon as a girl hooked up with them, they decided they did not want her. “If she’ll hook up with ME that fast, she’ll hook up with ANYONE!” they seemed to think.
An old wingman of mine once told me about a friend of his who, he claimed, “hates her as soon as he has sex with her.” The moment he finished with a new girl, he’d feel disgusted by her, and quickly kick her out.
Regardless if that’s you or not, a lot of girls have had experiences with men like this, and it SUCKS.
It sucks – a lot – to have this nice, fun, pleasant, flirtatious courtship with a guy she’s come to like, then to yield her body to him, then have him treat her like a box of used kitty litter once the deed is done.
I have heard women say things like, “Even if I don’t like the guy and never want to hook up with him again, I can’t help waiting by my phone hoping he will text me the next day, just to let me know I wasn’t some cheap score to him.”
The seduction community term “anti-slut defense” revolves around this mentality. Largely as it presents during the earlier stage of a seduction; but it’s the same underlying mechanism here that blocks you from getting new girls in bed.
If she fears you don’t really respect her, or that you might ditch her in disgust should she let you access her vagina, there are high odds she won’t be able to focus on getting aroused by you.
Instead, she’ll be too distracted wondering if you really like her or just want to use her to get your rocks off, then kick her to the curb, making her feel terrible.
(the common misconception many guys have that “women just want relationships” stems from this fear. But even if all she wants is a one-night stand, she STILL doesn’t want to feel used. Get it? No? Don’t worry – we’ll talk about this more in a minute)
#3: Risk of Rejection
“What’s the risk of rejection for her?” I hear you say. “She’s a woman! It’s me who takes all the risk!”
Well, yes and no.
Yes, you’re the one who (as the man) must take bold action to move things forward.
You take the risk that your moves will be rejected, you’ll look bad, and she’ll lose interest.
Unbeknownst to most men, women are also taking a lot of rejection risk, any time they proceed forward with a man.
Studies show that (believe it or not) when people move through a courtship, it happens because women signal for it to happen, and men respond. The men THINK they are doing it on their own… in actual fact they are merely responding to the woman signaling her readiness to proceed.
However, something that will happen is women will signal a man, and he will not proceed.
If they signal him enough, or egregiously, and he never proceeds, the woman feels rejected.
The deeper into the courtship it happens, the bigger the rejection.
It’s not uncommon for less experienced men to bring women back home, have those women be super into them, ready to go, then proceed to… do absolutely nothing with them.
The guy didn’t act because his nerves got to him, and he started pushing it off, telling himself, “It’s okay, I’ll just kiss her this time. Next time I’ll have sex with her.”
For the girl, who doesn’t know what this guy is feeling, and doesn’t know he’s nervous (after all, this is a guy who’s gotten her to this point – she thinks very highly of him, and views him as a confident, mighty guy!), she will very often interpret his inertia as a sign he isn’t actually all that interested in her.
She ends up leaving his place feeling rejected. Then he wonders why she quits texting him back and never shows up to another date.
Women fear this rejection risk.
It makes them hesitate when back with a guy. What if they start to put themselves out there more, get into it with him more, then he pulls back and rejects them?
Some guys get wishy-washy if a girl acts too aggressive.
Some guys reach a certain point with a girl then JUDGE her.
Once while escalating to sex with a girl, I had her shirt off during foreplay, and was playing with her nipples. She asked me if they weren’t too small (she had A-cups). I said no, they’re great. Then proceeded to make sure she understood how much I enjoyed them!
Later once we were done, she told me a guy she’d hooked up with in the past, at the moment of truth, had opened her shirt up, took one look at her breasts, and said, “That’s it?”
Women are very self-conscious of their bodies. Being rejected over their body parts, or a health issue, or a period, is another major fear women have, and it can cause them to stifle sex or not be able to get in the mood for a new man.
For a woman, sex “just happens.”
For you as the man of course, you are making it happens, and have no such luxury to just “lie back and let it happen.” You’re the one making moves, thinking ahead, and mapping the whole thing out.
Yet while it is “just happening” for a woman, if it happens in too familiar or predictable a pattern, it is hard for her to get excited.
Her first time going to bed with a new man is a rush. Emotions come pouring in, as she does this thing she’s never done before.
The next time a guy starts to escalate on her, it’s a little bit more familiar.
The time after that, a bit more familiar still.
Then more, then more.
Most men follow roughly the same pattern:
- First they kiss her mouth
- Then they feel her body up
- Then they take her blouse off
- Then they remove her bra
- Then they suck on her breasts
- Then they take her skirt or jeans off
- Then they remove her panties
- Then they put their condoms on
- Then they enter her and start sex
It’s all very predictable by the time she’s at her third or fourth lover. She’s seen it all before, probably numerous times, assuming her earlier lovers stuck around and she had them as boyfriends for a time. They likely did something like this with her every time they escalated to sex.
If you go through the same pattern a woman’s been through a million times, it’s boring.
Yes, YOU are new.
Everything ELSE is the same.
If you are doing things in the same way other men have done them, she won’t be able to help feeling like you are just like them.
It’s hard to get excited to do something when it’s happening the same way it’s already happened a bunch of times before.
Getting New Girls in Bed: What to Do
Those are your blockers.
When those are in women’s heads, it’s hard to get women in bed.
Knowing the obstacle you’re up against is a big part of resolving the issue.
But you still need to actually get yourself getting new girls in bed.
So, next, let’s look at how you can get around these mental blocks, and welcome new girls into your blankets.
Overcoming Bedroom Blockers
Obviously, we want to avoid those four (4) things we discussed earlier:
- We don’t want her to feel cornered/pushed
- We don’t want her to feel devalued/used
- We don’t want her to risk any rejection
- We don’t want her to feel things are boring/predictable
How do you do that exactly?
Let’s tackle them one at a time.
First, for cornering/pushiness: you must build escalations that get buy-in from women, make the woman feel involved, and give her a sense she is freely choosing to allow and contribute to the progression of things.
One way to do this is with mutual escalation. That’s where you don’t just put your hands on her body – you also take hers and put them on yours.
Are you doing that to her?
Does it feel like she’s doing it to you?
When a woman’s hands come onto your body, that is a sensation she normally associates with doing something proactively herself. Even though you put her hands there, it feels to her like it’s something she’s doing.
Often, the effect of this is she will feel allowed (i.e., removing some fear of rejection) to start touching you, at which point she will begin to actively escalate on you herself.
At that point, it’s fully her own actions driving things.
Another way to avoid cornering/pushiness is to always leave a girl an out.
When I escalate on women, I like to try to keep their backs to the door, with nothing blocking them. I want them to feel like they can ‘escape’ at any time if they want to.
I’m not trying to pin them down. I’m not holding them somewhere. I’m not forcing them to stay. They are free to leave at any time.
Because they sense this, it allows them to relax far more into the seduction, and immerse themselves in the feelings you’re creating.
Yet another way you can avoid cornering/pushiness is by offloading more of the work to the woman, in a playful, seductive manner.
For instance, rather than take her blouse off, you can tell her, “It’s too hot in here for this. Take your blouse off.” Then, as she removes it herself, she is complying with you, yes, but she is also doing something proactively. This involves her in the seduction.
You can give her other orders as you escalate too:
- “Get on my lap”
- “Take my shirt off”
- “Move to the couch”
As she complies, she is taking action on her own, and feeling more bought-in all the while.
Next, for combating worries of feeling devalued or used: it’s very important that you qualify women sufficiently.
You might feel like it’s self-explanatory that if you’re kissing a girl, escalating on her, and so on, she knows you like her. But there’s a big difference in potential reasons for WHY you might like her.
Do you like her because you truly understand that she’s awesome?
Or are you just with her to get your rocks off, get what you need, then ghost her?
When you qualify a woman throughout your initial seduction, you give her a good sense that you appreciate her for who and what she is.
Yet you shouldn’t stop there.
Once you’re back with her in the bedroom, you need to keep qualifying her.
Make her feel you really get her. Help her understand that you see who she is, and like it.
I knew a talented seducer who had a sequence he’d take women through in the bedroom (especially if those women were a bit guarded) where he’d simply list off a collection of the woman’s traits.
He’d list attractive traits, he’d make cold reads, he’d point out a few little flaws, and he’d make her feel like the most special girl in the world because he knew her so well.
As he delivered this, he’d put his hand on the woman’s leg and get his face close to hers, if it wasn’t already – that way as soon as the energy was palpable enough, they could kiss.
You don’t have to give her the whole “list of things I know about you” spiel, but you should continue to qualify her during the escalation.
That way, you’re not hoping she understands that you want her for her (and that you’re not just some horny guy trying to pump and dump); you know you’re communicating to her the “why” for why you want her.
Third, to remove rejection risk: you must make a woman feel accepted.
Laugh with her, cuddle with her, be very warm with her.
Qualifying her, which you’re doing to avoid her feeling used, doubles as a means to help her feel accepted.
If she does something clumsy, or something unladylike (maybe she lets out an unexpected burp), or whatever it is, play it off with a little humor: “I always trip over things when I’m in my underwear too. It’s like being naked makes me blind.”
Give her the feeling that you and her are peas in a pod, you’re not judging her for anything, and that she is fully accepted while in your presence.
Don’t forget to compliment her on her body, too. Every woman’s self-conscious about hers; whatever you like about her, point it out (don’t lie; instead, just honestly tell her what features of hers you find attractive).
Finally, to not be predictable: keep her guessing.
Don’t take her through a standard escalation.
If you’re a new guy, and not that experienced with women yet, I don’t want you to worry about this too much. The important thing is that you make moves and not that they be perfect.
However, if you’re experienced enough that you’re going to make moves one way or another, and you’re at a place where you can now focus on making better moves, let’s talk about what to do.
For one thing, I suggest you escalate TO SEX somewhere she’s not used to doing that.
I’m a huge fan of escalating to sex on the couch. Just because most guys escalate to sex in beds, and I don’t want to be “most guys” to her.
I’ve noticed even with guys I tell “escalate with her on the couch” though, a lot of them will escalate with her to a point on the couch, then tell her, “Let’s get more comfortable,” and take her to bed. Or they will just scoop her up in their arms and carry her to bed. Then attempt to finish the escalation there.
Want to guess what happens?
Well, sometimes they get the lay.
Other times (and I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen it) everything goes super smooth all through the couch escalation, then as soon as they get her on the bed the vibe changes and they don’t get the girl.
Every time I see it I say to the guy, “Why didn’t you just escalate ALL THE WAY to sex ON the couch?”
He will say something about the bed being more comfortable or whatever.
Yeah, okay, I guess.
Personally, I am fine escalating to sex with women on the floor, in the dirt, in the back of a car, on a bench, on rocks outside, against a wall behind a dumpster in an alley, on sandy beaches where the sand is just getting in everywhere, you name it.
I love these kinds of environments, and will always choose them over beds, because pretty much every time I have escalated with women in places like this we had sex.
When I’ve done the traditional “escalate to sex in a bed” routine, well, that’s when you start hitting LMR.
Here’s a little-known fact: women are very excited by sexual novelty.
Much more so than men.
I don’t know why it is. Few men seem to care much about novelty.
You might think I do, based on that list of places I just shared that I’ve shagged girls in, but I don’t either. The only reason I like to shag a new girl in a novel place is because I know I’m a lot more likely to have a smooth ride to sex there than I am in a bed.
When you escalate TO SEX (not just part of the way, but all of the way) in a place that is novel for her, she:
- Is excited about it
- Wants the ‘memory’ of it
- Has no preprogrammed kneejerk defensive reactions against it
- Cannot tie it to memories of any prior guy who’s slept with her before
You should look for other ways to make things unpredictable for her, too.
I like to escalate in patterns different from how other men do.
For instance, remember that list of standard steps most guys go through in their escalations to sex?
Well I just skip the blouse altogether. I go straight for her skirt/pants.
Each woman has limited ‘resistance resources’. It’s like an army. You’ve only got so many soldiers, so if you think you’re about to be invaded, you position your soldiers where you expect the enemy to invade.
If the enemy is smart, and unpredictable, he can march right around those soldiers and enter your territory before you even know what happened.
When you’ve got a woman you’re escalating on, and you’re doing the stuff in this article, and she’s turned on, and she’s having a great time, and she’s aroused, and now she’s trying to control herself by preparing herself to resist when you go for her blouse… but instead of going for her blouse, you feel her body up, then brush past her vagina, then rub her legs, then brush the vagina again going back up over the rest of her body, then brush by the vagina again, then stop to rub the vagina a bit, then keep moving, then return to it again, then rub it longer, then slip a finger down the front of her skirt and into her panties, then rub her more, skin-to-skin, then slip her skirt or jeans and panties off in a single go, she’s not going to know what happened.
Her blouse is still on, and she’s still prepared to resist at the blouse.
But now she’s bottomless instead.
Should you take her blouse off here?
About two thirds of girls will simply take it off themselves at this point, which is as clear an “I’m ready; let’s go” signal as you are going to get; the other third won’t, so you should just start shagging them then and there, with their blouses still on, then once you’re partway into it you can stop and say, “This is so silly!” and take her blouse and bra off. No resistance at that point.
Oh – and what about “Okay, I escalated to sex on the throw rug, but there’s a bed there… do I have to stay on the rug?”
No, you don’t have to stay in that unconventional spot you escalated to sex in.
You’re just doing that to break her patterns.
Once you’re in her and you’ve given her a number of good shag over the course of five or six minutes, if you want to move her to the bed, at this point you can stop shagging her, tell her you want to take her somewhere where you can really give it to her hard, and pull out and move her to the bed, no problem.
Resistance to sex is not a curse every man must endure on the road to intimacy.
Instead, it’s generally a sign you missed one or more things a woman needs to feel fully comfortable zipping right to bed.
Whenever you get sex resistance, even if you manage to wrestle through it and sleep with the girl, you should do a post-mortem once the girl is gone and try to figure out what you could’ve done different to avoid that resistance.
Using this guide, you can ask yourself:
- Could I have gotten her more bought-in or made things more mutual?
- Could I have made her feel appreciated, cherished, and “seen”?
- Could I have taken away any potential risk of rejection she might’ve felt?
- Could I have made this escalation to sex more novel (while still arousing) and less predictable?
You’ll almost certainly find one or more of those you could have done that with.
Once you’ve found it?
Figure out what modifications you’ll make for the next girl you bring home, and then, next time you’ve got a girl over, put them into play and see how you do.