I started getting ready for my Colombia trip a few days beforehand.
No not by packing, but by switching my tinder to my first destination, Cali. There’s an endless sea of big booties and i’m excited. Lot of matches, but most conversations fizzle out. I start to notice that a lot of my phrases get lost in translation. “Hey trouble” is quickly replaced with “abla englais chica”.
After a long and crammed plane ride, I arrive in Cali, Colombia. The Salsa and coke capital of the world. My buddy is flying in on a different flight and I wait for him at the airport. I kill time by messaging all my Colombian tinderellas announcing my arrival (obviously a day they’ve been earning for).
I was on zero sleep and wanted to shower, eat, and relax. My goal was to set up four or five dates for the next day since the following morning we were heading to Medellin. A lot of girls were interested, but were not able to meet up during the one day I had available. In the end, I made solid plans with two.
My first date was with a cute looking girl from tinder
She spoke some English, but didn’t seem very invested and asked me a few times why I wanted to see her. We agreed to meet for at a café close to my hotel at 7:30. The second girl was from ColombianCupid and seemed a lot more enthusiastic. I told her I was traveling with a friend she volunteered to bring one of her friends. However she was also the less attractive of the two.
The plan was for her and her friend to meet us at our hotel at 9 to have drinks by our pool. I was going to meet 7:30 PM girl and quickly figure out if she was DTF and If not just blow it out and put all my effort into the 9 PM girl
Next day, I message both girls in the morning and they confirm.
At 7:30, I walk over two blocks to the coffee shop. I see a taxi hovering outside and as soon as I approach, my tinderella gets out. She is cuter then her pictures. Short, in good shape, cute face, long luscious jet black hair, nice round ass, and C cup tits.
I give her a confident hug and we go inside to get coffee. I quickly learn that her English is not much better than my Spanish, which just consists of a few buzzwords “me penne moi grande” “es de mas ciato dinero” “kiero su culo…” you get the picture.
As we sit down, the language barrier becomes quite obvious.
We both struggle to say things in the other person’s language. Nevertheless, I can also tell she is a super sweet shy girl and realize her “lack of interest” online was just not knowing enough English. I decide i like her. Living in Los Angeles and dealing with fake jaded girls all the time has made me really appreciate sweetness and real femininity.
After a bit if struggling on both sides, I whip out my Google translate app. This has gotten me laid in Mexico before and would serve to be my most valuable asset for the rest of the trip. Using Google translate, I run my usual game… full of fun and emotional spikes. For instance she tells me she is a professor and I write “that i would not be able to focus if she was teaching me because I would be turned on by her sexy colombian body”. As she reads it, I hold intense eye contact, strategically putting my hand on her leg as she gets to the end of the sentence… She tests me a few times saying that I am too confident.
I respond by writing that “I am a virgin and she shouldn’t expect to get lucky”
We chill at the coffee place for half an hour. Even though we are barely speaking, it becomes clear that we both like each other. Her foot is on my legs and we are both smiling. She tells me that she is a fan of tequila and I suggest that we get a bottle and drink it by my pool.
I pay the check, something I’ll always do if i like the girl, plus its less then $3 American and we head out. I lead her to a convenience store that I saw earlier a block away. Here is where the obstacles begin. Colombia is an awesome place, but everything is retardedly slow and inefficient. The lady at the counter takes at least 15 minutes processing my credit card. The whole time, I can feel the vibe slowly dying. Since, we can’t really understand each other, Its pretty hard for me to keep the fun going. For the rest of the trip, I made sure to have cash.
After what seems like an eternity, we get the bottle and start walking over to my hotel. I amp things up a little bit by giving her a healthy slap on the ass, and she smiles.
We get to my hotel and here I face cock block #2.
As we wait for the elevator in the lobby, I hear a voice from the front desk “senor” “senor” “sennnoor”…At first I think the front desk guy is trying to give me props for bringing back a hot chick back. What a dumbass, I think. Fucking tell me after, I haven’t sealed the deal yet. His “senors” get louder and are followed up by other pieces of Spanish that I can’t understand. Finally I realize he might actually need to talk to me.
It’s the same guy who checked me in and I know he speaks decent English. For some reason, he starts rambling off in Spanish and I have to tell him three times that I have no idea what he is saying. Eventually, he tells me that since the girl is not part of my reservation, I have to pay extra for her to enter the hotel.
I’ve never heard of this shit before. This is a 5 star hotel (which, as a side note, in Colombia costs only $60 a night) and I am surprised they are nickel and diming me. However, I really want to bang this chick so I tell the guy to go ahead charge my card…”no sorry, you have to pay now” he says….Son of a bitch…I watch him fiddle around with my credit card for five minutes….He then asks the girl for her ID and starts making copies… To top it off, he asks the girl. in Spanish, if she is going to be spending the night. As she translates for me, I can tell she is put off.
Thank you again Mr. Colombian front desk cock block.
After the front desk ordeal is over, we get to the elevator and I decide to head straight for my room. At this point, I’m thinking fuck it. As we get to my room, the girl stops for a second and asks me if I am alone. Since 20 minutes earlier, I messaged my buddy that I was pulling, I confidently answer yes.
We walk in and there is my friend, talking on his phone. FUCK! Turns out he thought I meant it was going to be later. He quickly grabs his stuff and bounces. Things are pretty awkward at this point… I decide to just roll with it. I put on some music and pour us a glass of tequila to share (no shot glasses).
She has a lot more then me. I can tell she is trying to get a buzz on to feel more relaxed. We chill and talk (which means pass the Google translate around). It doesn’t take long for the vibe to come back, we dance, and soon we are kissing. Her lips feel amazing. I kiss her neck and make my way down to her tits. I want to suck on them so bad. She stops me though, saying no with a smile on her face. I know this is just token LMR.
I pull back and try again a few times. We move around on the couch and I sit behind her kissing her neck and she starts gently moaning. As we swap positions, she sees my erection. She smiles and starts rubbing it over my shorts. It feels so fucking good. I kiss her neck more, but she stops me when I get too close to her tits.
I try a new approach and whip my dick out.
She starts jerking me off. I get lost in the moment for a few minutes and am tempted to just let her finish me off… NO! A voice in my head comes on and reminds me how amazing it would be to slide into her sexy Colombian body.
I take her hand off my dick and we start dry humping. She gets really into it and starts moaning louder. After a few minutes, I start making my way down her neck with my mouth and this time when I get to her tits she doesn’t stop me. They are delicious, perky with nice nipples. She moans in pleasure as I suck them down like oxygen.
Next is her pants. It takes a few tries, but eventually they’re off and I go down on her. She moans loudly and is dripping wet. After a few minutes, she asks if we can go into the bedroom. I take this as a sign that she is ready, throw a condom on and start fucking her.
She feels so fucking good.
I fuck her for close to an hour. It is raw, sweaty, and passionate. She knows how to move her body just the right way. When I finally cum I almost collapse in exhaustion.
We chill for a little bit and decide to go again. This time she wants me to fuck her standing up. We are by my window and I look out into the city lights as her ass bounces on my cock. It feel like a boss. This time I finish on her tits.
We chill a little bit more, but it is getting late and she takes off. After walking her outside, I go to check my phone and see dozens of missed calls and messages. OH SHIT! I completely forgot about the 9pm girl. She actually came to the hotel and was extremely pissed I didn’t come out to greet her (rightfully so)
Those Screenshots are below. I do legitimately feel bad, I hate flaking and try to never do that to other people… It is what it is.