This was My Last Hookup from my 10 Day Adventure to Colombia.
If you haven’t read my last Post, check it out for additional context. The past few days had been a little disappointing. I had a gone on a few strange dates and the two girls I did hook up with turned out to be, well… meh. My buddy had left already and today was my last day in Colombia. I checked out of the Airbnb and booked a 4 star hotel in a nice part of Medellin ($50).
I matched with a Cute Austrian Girl a few days earlier. After some basic messages on Tinder, she gave me her WhatsApp. The night before, we were messaging each other a lot and sending a lot of voice messages back and forth.
Side note: I have never used voice messages before, but after this experience have grown to love them. It allows the girl to get comfortable with you by hearing your voice, without the pressure of having to talk on the phone.
Also you can record and playback your message as many times as you want, before sending. After some messaging, I was actually hoping the Austrian girl was gonna come through that night, but after a lot of logistics talk, she stopped responding.
My last day rolls around and I am mass texting every number in my phone book
A few girls respond, but don’t come through. The Austrian girl seems promising though. We make plans to meet at a cafe close to my house. However, she stops responding. A few hours later I get a text from her apologizing, telling me that her phone died and she is back home doing work. This is where the voice messages came in handy. I sent her some funny messages something like “did you know that having kinky sex, increases productivity by 85%”. A few more voice messages and she agrees to come out again. I think at this point we had messaged each other so much, that she was curious to actually meet me.
We make plans to meet up at the same cafe. She is horrible with directions and winds up getting dropped off at a famous park a few blocks down. After a few more voice messages, I figure out where she is and walk over to meet here. I get to the park and I see a cute white girl talking to a colombian dude. I wonder if its her. I call and the phone goes to voicemail. Fuck it. I walk over and say “Austria”…she replies “Aleexx” and I give her a big hug. The dude is glaring at me (most colombian guys are insanely jealous cockblocks). Turns out he is a street vendor who wants to give her some of his jewelry “for free”.
I give her a minute to finish up and then grab her hand and start leading her away. I walk her to a bar next to my hotel. We go inside and I pick a booth in the corner. She goes to sit across from me and I say “come on this is not a job interview, sit over here”, padding the spot next to me. She laughs and sits next to me.
She is extremely high energy
Talking fast and gesturing a lot with her hands. I am mellow and grounded. I keep strong eye contact and allow her to do most of the talking. She makes a funky gesture and I tease her how it is a Nazi Heil. I tell her that instead of netflix & chill we can go back to my place afterwards for Heil & Chill… she loves it and bursts out laughing. Finally a chick who has my fucked up sense of humor.
We get a few shots and I am saying ridiculous shit with zero filter. Telling her that she can be my austrian sex slave and that I will feed her wienerschnitzel once a week. She is cracking up and growing more attracted… I really want to fuck this girl. She has crazy amounts of energy and I am imagining her jumping on my dick saying dirty things in her cute Austrian accent. It is also not often I meet a girl that is as unoffendable as me. Another reason, I like European girls… way cooler!
I start to escalate by rubbing her leg
She seems comfortable, but because her energy is all over the place I cant tell for sure if she is dtf yet. Only one way to find out. I stare her dead in the eyes, while we talk. There is a moment where it feels right and I get really close to her face. She moves forward and kisses me. More accurately she shoves her tongue down my throat and makes out with me hardcore. I pull back after a minute, not wanting to overdo it. The conversation, starts getting sexual. She tells me that she likes rough sex, but the guy she is hooking up with doesn’t meet her needs. I pull her hair really hard and she loves it.
Dont remember, exactly what i said, it was something about my penis. She just takes her hand and puts it on my crotch and rubs it over my pants for a few seconds. Wow, this chick is badass. At this point, I start getting really turned on and take her hand and put it back on my dick. She grabs it hard and I yank her head in and we make out. We are both lost in the moment. I am grabbing her ass and she is rubbing my dick over my pants. Must have been quite the scene.
Eventually she says we have to stop, because we can get arrested for doing this in public
I agree and suggest that after this drink we should go to my hotel to have a few more shots. She agrees. A minute later, she says “ok but just to have a drink, we cant have sex. My booty call would be very upset” I laugh as I tell her “of course….I..um.. hate sex” She laughs. I pay for the drinks and we bounce. It is about a minute walk to my hotel. Along the way she tells me again we are not having sex. I laugh and agree. A few seconds later, she asks me if I have condoms. I reply “Why does it matter, we are not having sex” Her “i know, but..um..just in case”. We both laugh.
We get to my hotel and here I am faced with some more colombian cockblocking. The guy at the lobby insists on making a photocopy of the girls ID. As I already knew, she was robbed a few weeks ago and did not have any documents on her. I try to get him to make an exception, but he refuses to budge. Don’t expect colombian dudes to help you get laid. After 10 minutes of back and forth, she is able to find a picture of her ID on her phone and the guy accepts it.
We get to my hotel and it isn’t 30 seconds before we are passionately making out
I rip her clothes off and she is extremely horny. A minute later we are fucking. No LMR. The sex was amazing and extremely primal. this girl was into all the same shit I was. Choking, biting, hair pulling, leaving marks she loved it all. She came a few times, with my hands around her neck jackhammering her. Finally, I busted all over her face. It was really hot.
I had used my last condom, so we spent the next hour trying to find a place that was open where we could by more. The highlight came as we were walking down the street and a car drove by where a colombian dude yelled something out the window in spanish. I asked her to translate and she told me looking a little pissed off “that is very pretty whore you got there man” Definitely gave me a good laugh.
We eventually found more condoms and fucked again. By the time we finished it was 4am. My flight was at 10 AM and I went online to check in.
Next part of the story is how I almost got stuck in Colombia
A little backstory: I had booked a round trip flight from Los Angeles to Cali, Colombia with a stop over in Bogota. My initial plan was to spend a few days in Cali, take a one way flight to medellin, and then they day before my return flight book another one way flight from medellin to Bogota. Spend a night there and just skip the first leg of my flight and go straight from Bogota to Los Angeles. Hope I didn’t lose you so far.
Halfway through my trip, when I was in medellin, I decided to call the airline just to make sure this wouldn’t be a problem. Unfortunately, the fine folk at Avianca Airlines told me that I had to get on the flight from Cali to Bogota otherwise they would not let me fly from Bogota to Los Angeles. Basically, I could not skip one leg of my flight. I tried arguing with the manager, but it went nowhere. So faced with no choice, I booked an additional one way flight from Medellin to Cali. The plan was to leave Medellin at 10 am, fly into Cali at 11 AM. Do a one hour stop over and then fly from Cali to Los Angeles, with another two hour stop over in Bogota.
However, when I went to do the online check in I was met with a surprise
My flight from Medellin to Cali wasn’t at 10am but at 10pm. This cant be right. I realized, pretty quickly what must have happened. I didn’t pay attention when booking the flight and picked the wrong time. A little panicked, I called avianca airlines. Must be some way to fix this. The guy on the phone told me that there was only one seat left on the flight to Cali from medellin and it was first class, plus they were going to have to charge me a big change fee, with the whole thing coming out to around $500. Fuck that.
I knew if they could just let me skip the first leg of my flight, I could book my own flight to bogota for $60 bucks around 11am and then just catch the second leg of my flight to los Angeles. However, he guy kept telling me it was impossible because it is against policy. I asked to speak to the supervisor. He told me unfortunately the supervisor spoke only spanish. After 30 minutes of back and forth with the guy, I gave the phone to the Austrian girl (who had been living in colombia for 3 years) and had her speak to the Supervisor. Another half an hour of arguing in spanish and the asnwer was still no.
Fuck, I decided to call my credit card Travel Department to see if they could move my flight to america back a day. They are much more friendly, but tell me that because it is the first day of Passover this will cost me close to a $1000. Double fuck. The girl is telling me, I can come stay with her, but I am annoyed and just want to get the fuck out of colombia without spending crazy amounts of money.
It is now about 7am, I am covered in sweat from all the sex and stress of dealing with airlines. I decide a last ditch effort. Im just going to show up to the airport. Fuck it. I give Austrian girl a hug as well as the remainder of some illegal substances I had acquired during my trip and get in a taxi to the airport. I am feeling delirious and can barely string two word together. I get to Medellin airport and it is a madhouse. Giant lines, people shouting. I decide to go to the Avianca Ticket Sales office, which is empty. Right away, I ask in my broken spanish if they have someone who speaks english, the guy shakes his head. Fuck. I try to tell him the situation, making shit up about how the airline made a mistake with my ticket. The guy has me repeat myself a bunch of times. He then starts typing on the computer. He gets up a few times to talk to other people. My fingers are crossed as I wait nervously. Finally, he comes back and tells me that I can change my ticket and fly from medellin to Bogota and then to Los Angeles for a fee.
“How much?” I nervously ask.
He writes down a number on a piece of paper. I look at it and can’t believe my eyes. Only $40. I smile shake his hand and give him my credit card. Fucking colombia, you never know.